Here are five good reasons that the Boston Red Sox should have Tom Brady as their starting pitcher in the ALCS:
1. Tom Brady is so distractingly (and infuriatingly) good looking that opposing batters will be "blinded by the light" and swing at all of his erratic pitches.
2. He's marrying Gisele something-or-other (I refer to her as "Brady's uber hot lady"). If he's got enough balls to marry a supermodel, he's got enough balls to strike out Evan Longoria, right?
3. He needs a second chance to bring a championship home. After all, the first three don't count for anything since he lost that "un-losable" game. Eli Manning and the Giants think so...and that makes it true.
4. He will probably look a lot more imposing on a baseball diamond than he does standing behind five 300-pound linemen, and therefore maybe lose that "Tom Brady's a wuss" thing I keep hearing. Oh wait, I've never actually heard that. Who was it who was called a wuss? Oh yeah, that was me...
5. He's never faked a limp. No, wait, he has. Well, I guess instead of starting him, they may as well just trade him to some obscure NL team from the West Coast. It's not like he'll have some kind of super epiphany and suddenly become a driven and hard-working baseball player or anything. Hmmm...
I'm sure something like that would never come back to bite them in an ALCS matchup against the Rays. Never.
I think the Sox would be much better without someone as distracting as Tom Brady pitching.
No, they need someone else...Daisuke Matsuzaka! That's who they should start.
Okay, scrap all of that stuff about Brady starting for the Sox. It's Daisuke all the way!