I didn’t get to do a RAW review last week due to an insane amount of work and my decision to watch WrestleMania instead of RAW live (terrible decision).
A few quick thoughts about last week’s RAW:
- Sin Cara is breathtaking. The fluidity of his motions is incredible considering how easy it is to look out of control with the maneuvers he attempts.
- I have a feeling Cena is going to get “injured” soon and come back around November or December. There’s no way the WWE would risk him actually getting hurt and not being able to fight Rock in a year.
- This Cole and Lawler thing has got to stop.
- The Corre have to go.
We start off the show with Michael Cole being introduced as the only undefeated WWE superstar.
Cena comes out to talk about his match with Rock which is scheduled for WrestleMania 28. A “ROCK-EY” chants starts up. Cena guarantees the match will be for the WWE Championship.
I hear voices in my head. Orton interrupts. Is there anything more awkward-looking than when wrestlers wear their trunks and a t-shirt? Orton believes he should get the chance for the title. Morrison comes in to say he should be No. 1 contender. John Morrison referring to himself in the third person just makes him sound even more goofy than he already does.
Excuse me. Vicky comes in with Dolph Ziggler. So far Ziggler is the only one in the ring who hasn’t lost to Miz. Three faces and a heel. Sorry Ziggler your chances are less than zero.
OAIHJDOIEJOIASJDOE WHAT'S UP! In comes R-Truth for no discernible reason. He admits that he just came out to break dance and say things no one understands (OK, he didn’t actually say that, but it would have been better than what happened). What did happen is Truth said he has never gotten a chance at the WWE Championship. There is a reason for that, Truth.
Right on cue the GM chimes in. I love the caution tape around the Cole Mine. A new concept, a five man gauntlet match, is announced to decide the No. 1 contender. This is the worst match idea ever. 10 bucks says it comes down to Orton and Cena. And for the love of god why is R-Truth in this? Bryan, Sheamus, even Evan Bourne would have made more sense. I’m going to stop before I get too frustrated.
We will have a rematch of Lawler versus Swagger. Cole says he is “going to smack the bbq right out JR’s mouth.”
Awesome Kong promo that involves one of those dolls with the giant heads. She flicks the doll's head which falls off as she laughs maniacally. That was creepy but I honestly thought she was going to bite the doll's head off, so I guess it was a small victory.
Bella Twins in the ring looking AAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWESSSSSSSOOMMMEE! tonight. Brie will go one-on-one and lose to Eve Torres. Eve gets the ref to mark an X on the other Bella’s hand so the ref can tell them apart. No switch-a-roo tonight. Approximately 25 seconds into the match my roommate declared, “this match has gone over the time limit” and changed the channel. We turned it back just in time for Brie to win the Women’s Championship. I have no comment.
Sin Carra up next! He’s got some sweet music and an awesome look. There’s already people wearing his mask. Man, he’s got some hops. He’s fighting…I have literally no idea who he’s fighting. Oh snap, it’s Primo. Wow he looks different without the hair. “Sin-Cara” chant starts up with the WWE Universe pronouncing “Sin Cara” surprisingly well. I’m really excited to see what his finisher is going to be.
Surprisingly back and forth match so far. Sin Cara reversed a powerbomb into a sunset flip powerbomb and got the near fall. Primo just absolutely botched Sin Cara’s first attempt at his finisher. Holy crap! He just hit a moonsault sideslam off the top rope to finish Primo off. That was ridiculous. This guy is just so in control of his body during such crazy moves. It’s unreal.
The Corre is in the ring. If they’re not announcing that they are disbanding I’m going to be greatly disappointed. There’s hope…Bryan, Bourne, Mark Henry and Santino come in and announce a new stable, “The APPLE” and challenge the Corre to a match. We go to commercial break thoroughly confused.
We come back with the Corre in control over Daniel Bryan. Bryan gets the hot tag to Santino who takes out Slater and raises the roof. Chaos ensues. Justin Gabrielle hit Santino as he was pumping up the Cobra and Slater finished him off. That was unnecessary.
JR comes in to grace us with his presence. Cole taunts him and JR tries to hit him with his hat. Can JR’s BBQ sauce really be that bad?
Swagger versus Lawler up next. I’m really unclear as to what the stipulations of this match are. Lawler hits Swagger then dances around like the All-American American himself. Cole is great as a heel 95 percent of the time, but does he have to repeat everything he says 14 times?
Swagger dominating Lawler until Lawler Hulks up. JR takes out Cole which distracts Swagger and allows Lawler to role him up for the 1-2-3. This means there will be a rematch at Extreme Rules and Lawler gets to choose the stipulation. At this point I would have been fine with Lawler losing and all of this ending. Cole gets in Swagger’s face then slaps him across the face. Lawler announces the match will be a tag match between team Lawler-JR and team Cole-Swagger.
We get a recap video of the Triple H and Undertaker match. The match was like, if Led Zeppelin were to reunite, put on a concert, play 12 of their biggest hits, but there was a 25 minute break between each song and the concert lasted eight hours.
They keep teasing that Edge is going to announce his retirement. I don’t buy it.
You think you know me? Edge actually says he has to retire due to his insane amounts of injuries. A really heartfelt promo. The place gives him a standing ovation as it gets a little dusty in there for the Rated-R Superstar. Another one of those promos that you have to see. I’ve gotten a LOT of flack for my distaste in Edge’s mic abilities but this was very well done.
He talks about how he and Christian used to watch all the classic superstars and say “I’m going to do that.” He recaps all the things he’s done in the WWE including his time with Christian, as a vampire, and his sex celebration. Despite all the bad crap he’s been through he would do it all again in a heartbeat. Good form, Edge. Good form indeed.
Over/under for how many “Christian will now win the World Heavyweight Title” articles written this week in Bleacher Report: 143.5
WWE just surpassed five million Facebook friends. Didn’t Cena pass that last month. Cena>WWE.
AAAAAAWWWWWWWWESSSSSSSOOOOOOMMMMMMMEEEEE!!! The champ comes in with Alex Riley. He will be on commentary. The announce table looks like an NFL pregame show; just stacked with a really unnecessary amount of people.
Orton and Ziggler will start us off. Is there any doubt we are going to see a Cena-Miz rematch? Orton’s gotten three shots, Morrison had his chance and doesn’t seem like he will get another, Ziggler’s a heel, R-Truth is R-Truth.
“I’m sorry Lawler, I can’t hear you over how awesome I am.” That was great, Miz.
Ziggler had a slight upperhand until vintage Orton kicked in. Clothesline, clothesline, scoop powerslam. JR just said Ziggler had great ring presence because he rolled to the outside after the powerslam. I don’t think he’s seen a Randy Orton match in awhile. Orton spike DDT’s Ziggler then gets ready for the RKO OUT OF NOWHERE!!!
What the hell? (Where’s Booker T when you need him). New Nexus came in to distract Orton which allowed Ziggler to roll him up for the first pinfall. The New Nexus then beat the hell out of Orton. Just when we thought both stables would be over, tonight has to happen.
R-Truth still rapping when we come back from commercial break. This should be quick. What the hell? Truth just eliminated Ziggler. I have no comment. Morrison will come in next to face Truth. As if Cena needed an advantage, he will be last in the gauntlet.
Morrison and Truth just traded about 12 back and forth pin attempts. Miz just referred to Cena as “Super Cena.” Double clothesline puts both men down on the outside. Phew, they both get back in at nine. I was legitimately concerned R-Truth would win by count out. Morrison connects on the springboard kick to the face but misses Star Ship Payne, then got planted and pinned by R-Truth. I have a sick feeling in my gut.
Cena looking good early on. He hits a sweet gut-wrench suplex then a drop kick. Cena pulling everything out of his repertoire right now including the leg drop from the top rope (love that move). R-Truth apparently ate his Wheaties today though because he keeps kicking out of Cena’s moves. R-Truth turns it around and hits his spinning elbow (the camera actually showed him missing by about a foot). Vintage Cena! Shoulder block, shoulder block, backdrop suplex-thing, five knuckle shuffle. Miz and Riley come in to take both men out.
Miz says there is no No. 1 contender because both men lost. Aaaaaaaand cue the GM. The GM says the match at Extreme Rules will be Miz-Truth-Cena. I am blown away. Does this mean we will have to listen to R-Truth every week?
R-Truth and Cena get all buddy-buddy but then let each other know that they aren’t messing around.
This week’s RAW had some bright spots with Sin Cara and…and...ok I guess that was it. We had to watch Edge retire, Lawler and Cole continue, The Corre situation become even more ridiculous than it already was and R-Truth become No. 1 contender to the WWE Championship. Let’s hope next week improves. Until then, you have been a lovely, lovely audience.
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