Too much offense and not enough defense. And if the offense is anything like what we saw in their overseas display, there may not be enough of that either. Oh, and Barry Melrose is still crazy. In the immortal words of Jim Rome: FUH-NOMINAL.
So now that I've avoided making a preseason prediction about the Eastern and Western Conference playoff picture, you're probably wondering how I'll avoid making a Stanley Cup prediction too.
Well I'll tell you what, I won't. I'll even divulge how each team will get there too:
In a surprising twist of events, the Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals will face off in the Eastern Conference finals, after each fought the hard fight to get there. The series goes seven games, but Alexander Ovechkin and the Capitals stage a miraculous comeback in the third period of Game Seven to punch their ticket to the Stanley Cup Finals, scoring the winning goal (ironically) off of Ryan Whitney's foot.
The Dallas Stars and the Detroit Red Wings, meanwhile, match wits in a rematch of last season's Western Conference final. The Red Wings exert their dominance once again early in the series, but Sean Avery sneaks into the Red Wings' hotel and slips Chris Osgood's hand in warm water, forcing him to wet his bed.
The ensuing embarrassment leaves the Wings' goalie locked in his room, unable to face the maid with his dirty sheets.
To ensure that Ty Conklin doesn't emerge from the shadows once again and steal the show (like last season in Pittsburgh) Avery replays Conklin's gaffe in behind his net during Game One of the 2006 Stanley Cup finals against Carolina. Conklin doesn't move more than two inches from his goal line at any time during the remaining games of the series, and the Wings lose the next four games.
The Dallas Stars and the Washington Capitals face off in a epic battle in the Stanley Cup Finals, which surpasses each of the past three finals combined, excitement-wise. The series goes seven games, with Brooks Laich pulling a Sidney Crosby-lacrosse style goal off for the game-winning tally late in Game Seven.
Irate, Sean Avery attempts to dropkick Laich, but misses, giving him the closest shave he's ever had. Avery interns that summer at Cosmo Magazine, advising women on how to get that "perfectly shaved feeling" on their legs with skate blades.
That, and Kyle Wellwood wins the Rocket Richard Trophy.
In all seriousness though, I do see Dallas and Washington as two teams that could meet in the finals, but a lot of things will have to go right for both teams, so I wouldn't put too much money on that matchup.
EA Sports has the more likely final pegged, as a simulated NHL '09 season has the Red Wings facing the Montreal Canadiens in the final—quite fitting, that two of the NHL's oldest rivals would face off in one's 100th year of existence.
That's the final I'd put my money on. As for which team I'd take? The champs are the champs until they're unseated. It's up to the rest of the teams in the league to show that the Red Wings aren't the class of the NHL.
Bryan Thiel is a Senior Writer and an NHL Community Leader for Bleacher Report. If you want to get in contact with Bryan, you can do so through his profile. You can also check out all of his previous work in his archives.
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