Greetings from the Frozen Tundra, friends!
As the draft is nearly a month away, it is time to consider what the Green Bay Packers need to make the team better.
Now, I know that it seems impossible that the green and gold could get any better (hello, Super Bowl win, anyone?), but we should first consider that there may be a few players out there that do not want to play for our beloved team.
As this may be the case, I have drafted a helpful letter that could be sent out to hot prospects.
Dear Potential Player:
While the 2011 football season may be in jeopardy this year, the Packer Nation would like to extend a formal invitation for you to consider playing for the Green Bay Packers.
Your skills, talent and commitment could be an integral part of defending the championship in the next season.
However, we realize that you may have a few concerns in regard to playing for the Packers. We, in Wisconsin, would like to alleviate your fears and/or concerns in advance.
Concern No. 1: The weather
Yes, it is cold in Wisconsin for about nine months out of the year. We have snow. We have ice. We have freezing temperatures.
If you are a player from a warmer climate, and you would like to play for the Packers, we suggest you go into your local grocery store and sit in the beer cave for a few hours.
While this is nowhere near the freezing temperatures that you could potentially play in as a Green Bay Packer, this may thicken your blood a little bit and also give you an idea on how cold Wisconsin is. Yes, it can get this cold and more.
If you can pass this test, may we respectfully suggest that you bring a buddy with you to throw a football with you after sitting in the beer cave for a few hours.
If you can successfully catch the ball without having your hand break off from being cold, you can move on to the next step. If not, you may want to continue to sit in the beer cave for an additional two hours.
However, while spending time in the beer cave, you may not consume any alcohol. While this may be a big temptation, you must realize that the FANS of the Green Bay Packers are the ones who consume alcohol to stay warm during games. You will not be given that option.
Additionally, you may want to clear this with the manager of the grocery store first. We, in Wisconsin, do not like to see our players, even potential players, in trouble with the law.
If you receive a loitering ticket for sitting in the beer cave for hours on end, that may reflect badly upon you. Please do not tell the police officer issuing the ticket that I recommended this.
Concern No. 2: The town
The Green Bay Packers are the team with the smallest hometown population in the NFL. If you are from a big city, this may come as a culture shock to you.
Green Bay is filled with hard working, industrious people who are rabid Packer fans. Please be aware that anything you do will be watched carefully.
And, due to the small population, please also be aware that the fans consider you part of their families, almost. We will refer to you by your first name. We will know who you played for in college, and where you grew up.
We will buy you beers and dinner, but we will also come up to you in the grocery store, or wherever you least expect it, and comment on anything from the weather to how you played in the last game.
A suggestion on how to see if you would be comfortable with this? Have dinner with your family, and have your most outspoken relative come over.
If you can successfully get through a LONG dinner with this relative, and all of their comments on your hair, tattoos, and/or school success, you are ready to play in Green Bay.
Please note that the fans are mostly respectful, but when we have had enough, we will let you know.
Concern No. 3: The devotion
You must realize, by now, that fans of the Packers are seriously into football. If you have ever watched a Packer game on television, the announcers ALWAYS comment on the level of devotion that the fans have.
We name our children after players. We tailgate in 30 degrees BELOW zero weather. My goodness, we go to games without shirts on in that same weather. We tease and argue with Vikings fans on a year round basis and enjoy it.
We tattoo ourselves with Green Bay motifs. We spend a lot of money on tickets that should be only $150. We travel a great distance to see games if we can't get into Lambeau.
We are devoted, what can I say?
Concern No. 4: The championship
This is not really a concern, but more of a motivating factor for you. The Green Bay Packers won the Super Bowl. Why would you not want to play for a Super Bowl-winning team? Come on, that should be motivation enough right there. Repeat, anyone?
In closing, Green Bay, and Wisconsin in general, is a great place to live, work and play. Check us out and see what you think. Good luck to you in the draft, and we hope to see you during the next football season.
The fans of the Green Bay Packers