Celebrities R Us: An Interview With Michael Olowokandi

Chip StevensonCorrespondent IOctober 6, 2008

detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com has really taken off in the last few weeks. With an ever increasing fan base and consistent posts from 2.5 contributors (dupree needs to man up), our revenues from advertisements and the always welcome donations have really started to pour in.

We have been trying to figure out what to do with all of the cash money we have been making, but we have been having a hard time settling on a consensus. We have thought about buying a private detroit4lyfe jet or buying rims for my 2001 Honda civic or maybe buying the Cleveland Indians, changing their name to the Fairies, and running their organization into the ground, but we decided against those because we really wanted to give back to you all who have made the blog what it is today.

So, after we took into consideration the feelings of our considerable fan base, we have decided to use the 1.4 million dollars the blog is worth today to book some incredible celebrity interviews. I am so happy and proud to bring you our very first celebrity interview today and that man is MICHAEL OLOWOKANDI.

Before I get into the actual interview, let me give you some background information on this celebrity superstar. The Kandi Man grew up in London where his 7 foot tall frame made him stand out like yellow pee on a fresh blanket of snow.

Even though all seven footers belong either in the NBA or the circus, Olowokandi didn't even start playing basketball until he was 17. He enrolled at the University of the Pacific (sounds completely made up to me), and after his senior year, he was drafted No. 1 overall in the 1998 NBA draft by the Los Angeles Clippers.

The Clippers were hoping that the athletic, 270 pound, seven-foot-tall big man would blossom into a legitimate NBA center, but he failed miserably. He sucked for the Clippers for five years, sucked for the Timberwolves for three years, and played for the Celtics for like a year and a half before they realized he sucked and they cut him.

He is currently technically an NBA free agent, but only because no one wants to give him any money to sit on their bench. Still, his combination of a slight British accent, 7 foot tall body, and overall suckiness is generally unmatched in all of mankind.

He is easily considered one of the biggest busts in NBA history after being a number one overall draft pick, but he still kindly took time out of his busy schedule to graciously give an interview to us.

He asked me to meet him at a swank bar in downtown Boston called Felt at 1 am for the interview. Even with my extensive experience with celebrity interviews, I have never done one that late at night.

I decided to go along with it though because I couldn't screw up the very first interview for the blog. So, I made my way over to the bar late last night and here is what transpired....

I was sitting at the bar, drinking some water because I would never drink on the job, and admiring the place. All of a sudden, the bar went silent, and I figured that I was finally recognized. I started to stand up to acknowledge that yes, I do actually write for detroit4lyfe and yes, I will accept all free drinks/donations, when I took a glance over to my right and I saw a full entourage of about ten large men including one in the middle that had to be at least 10 feet tall.

It only then dawned on me that maybe everyone got silent when they saw that group of intimidating men. One of the entourage members basically ran to the bar right next to me to order a drink, and my celebrity interview started...

ME: Is that Olowokandi over there?
ENTOURAGE GUY: Yea **Sneeze**
ME: Gesundheit. Are you part of his entourage?
EG: Thanks brother. Yes I am. Are you Chip Stevenson?
ME: Yes I am
EG: Can I have your autograph?
ME: I would love to give you one, but you know if I give you one then I'm going to have to give everyone in this place one and I dont want to be writing my name all night.
EG: Yea, I understand. Peace.

Ok, so after that awkward exchange, I made my way over to the big fish to start my interview... and boy did I ever interview him.

ME: Who do you think is going to win the NBA championship this year? The Celtics?
KANDI MAN: It's a possibility. (channeling his best magic 8 ball impression. I was waiting for a "concentrate and ask again" or a "signs point to yes" response to my next question)
ME: I think the Pistons are going to win it. Rasheed is pissed this year.
KANDI MAN: Man, I don't have a crystal ball yo. (it seems like the crystal ball is the magic 8 ball's arch nemesis, and at this point I might have offended him)
ME: Why do you still live in Boston?
KANDI MAN: Well, I still have a place in LA but um well see....... (his voice sort of trailed off there)
ME: I see. Welp, nice to meet cha!

And there you have it- the first celebrity interview at detroit4lyfe.blogspot.com. He then gave me a very strong handshake, and the interview was over. I basically asked him everything I wanted to ask, but the interview still seemed to just fly by.

Next thing I know, I'm eating a mountain of fried rice at some Chinese place at 2 am and reflecting on the enigma that is Michael Olowokandi. I want to thank him for taking the time, and you all can be on the look out for more celebrity interviews on the way.... maybe.


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