Vanderbilt: We Must Stop This Madness!

Just in case Georgia is having an off week, the staff has figured out how to help offset the advantage.

First, we will return to X’s and O’s for play explanation. This should help opposing teams to understand our plays better. Binary code will no longer be used.

Second, from now on the quarterback cannot use medical terminology for the count. This confuses the defense and puts them at a disadvantage. Hike one, hike two, or hike three are his only options.

Third, the defense will no longer rely on the calculus team to figure the statistical odds of success of each offensive play. This puts an opposing team’s offense at a disadvantage if they run a play more than once in a game.

I know the last five games have been a whirlwind, so take the rest of the week off, get some rest, and occupy your minds with things other than football.

Put your heads together and invent something, or save a Third World country, or even better, figure out how Ohio State can beat Florida. All of these are accomplishments much more noble than some football championship.

This charade will soon be over and we can all return to normal life.

Besides, Jostens has already said there is no way they can make gold championship pocket protectors for the whole team. No way.  

You're currently logged into Facebook

Do you want to share your Bleacher Report activity on Facebook?