Amanda Beard and the 25 Sexiest Women in Water
Spring Break has taught me one thing. If females are close to any type of body of water, whether it's a beach, lake, river, bathtub, etc., things to cheer about are about to happen. Layers come off, skin is exposed and regrettable decisions are made.
These mature, attractive young women have never done anything of the sort and deserve some recognition for their greatness around mankind's most important nutrient.
I was going to name this the Hottest Wet Women, but then I'd be feeling like Steve Carrell in The Office when he isn't allowed to do "that's what she said" jokes.
Leave your Speedo at home and let the Bleacher Report give you the Top 25 Sexiest Women in Water.
No. 25 Christin Steuer
Vladimir Rys/Getty Images
Most people think Ronald Reagan was the cause of destruction of the Berlin Wall. They are wrong. It was the work of this foxy German diver, Christin Steuer.
All it took was one graceful, swan-like dive right into the middle of that big block of concrete, and the rest, they say, is history.
No. 24 Rita Dravucz
This Hungarian hottie plays water polo and competed in the 2004 Summer Olympics.
I don't know what I am more impressed by: the fact that she can wade in water that long and still manage to throw a ball at a net accurately, or the fact that she isn't severly injured from the jealous females around her.
Those girls who are into water polo are a vicious bunch, I hear.
No. 23 Melissa Wu
Melissa Wu is an Austrailian diver and won a silver medal at the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing for the synchronized 10m platform, becoming the youngest Australian in history to win an Olympic medal in diving.
This gorgeous dime was also homeschooled after the ninth grade. I would have done the same thing if I were her parents.
If I ever have a daughter as beautiful as Melissa, I am locking her in the basement until she is 21. That way, no matter how hot she is, she will be so socially awkward that she won't even know what a date is. I can't think of a way that strategy could possibly blow up in my face.
No. 22 Monica Byrne Wickey
Monica Byrne Wickey doesn't even have a Wikipedia page, so even hipsters can have someone to root for.
And the Surfer Hot 100 told me she has "a killer forehand gaffe." What a badass.
No. 21 Summer Sanders
I first developed a crush on Summer Sanders when she was the host on Nickelodeon's last good game show, Figure it Out. Even back then I noticed how much she hugged the contestants.
To this day I still send in my application to be on the show just so I can stand next to this cougar. And don't you dare tell me the show hasn't been on since 2000. I'm not hearing it. I see it on Nick GAS all the time.
No. 20 Amanda Beard
I'm not sure what all the fuss is about, but I think Amanda Beard is a bit overrated.
She's a hard partier who has the body and cajones to pose for Playboy. Those are two things I have no qualms over. In fact, I am one to encourage such behavior.
I'm know I am being harsh, but, guys...her face. It's something I just can't get on board with.
No. 19 Christina Jones
I know about as much about synchronized swimming as I know about the inside workings of the Playboy Mansion. I've seen it on television, but I know there is a lot more going on than I can ever imagine.
Christina Jones placed fifth in the 2008 Summer Olympics. Disappointing, but she was in the Olympics, so she has to be good right? Her smile makes me forget that China is about to overtake the U.S. as a world power, so I don't care she didn't medal.
No. 18 Natalie Coughlin
Natalie Coughlin is most known for being the first American athlete to win six medals at one Olympics, being the first woman to win a 100m backstroke in two consecutive Olympics and winning 11 Olympic medals.
I know her for being able to lay on a diving board in a way I personally enjoy and having one of the tightest bodies I've ever seen. Is there any fat there? Any??
No. 17 Stephanie Gilmore
Stephanie Gilmore is a four-time world champion on the Women's ASP World Tour (2007, 2008, 2009, 2010).
She was also attacked and beaten with a metal pole by some loser last December for seemingly no reason, whatsoever. She is fine though, don't worry.
This nonsense really grinds my gears. For his punishment, he should have to swim out with a surfboard into shark infested waters, armed only with the metal pole he struck Gilmore with and left for dead.
I really hate men who beat women if you couldn't tell already.
No. 16 Coco Ho
Coco Ho is one of the best young female surfers right now and has Hawaiian surfing in her blood. She is the daughter of Mike Ho, who has won the Hawaiian Triple Crown, among other things.
She also has a bad last name. It doesn't fit well at all, because to me, she is a dynamite individual and a wonderful, faithful lover.
If I were lucky enought to be on that beach at that moment, I would be frollicking and giggling like a schoolboy right along with her.
No. 15 Sally Fitzgibbons
I'm sorry for all the surfers, but the day divers, water polo competitors and swimmers all start being super hot and half naked all the time, then I will give credit where credit is due.
Fitzbibbons has a junior women's world championship under her belt and set a record by becoming the youngest and quickest, male or female, World Surfing Tour qualifier in ASP history.
Her eyes cut right into the depths of my soul.
No. 14 Karina Petroni
Karina Petroni won numerous titles in the same year, which include the Eastern, U.S. and National Championship title. She also has back-to-back silver medals in the World Jr. Games. According to her biography, Karina is still the last female from the East Coast to qualify for the ASP World Championship Tour.
But the coolest thing about her is she grew up in a jungle home while her dad was a sea captain. Are you kidding me?! She got to hang out with Mowgli and Baloo while her dad fought giant squid? Some people are so lucky.
No. 13 Kathleen Hersey
Kathleen Hersey is only 21 and has a future as bright as her smile. She won four medals in the 2007 Pan American Games and although she placed 8th in the 2008 Olympics, I have a feeling we will hear from Hersey again.
We better or I'm going to have to go super creep mode and find her myself.
No. 12 Dallas Friday
This fine young lady is considered the Michael Jordan of wakeboarding. She was also a succesful gymnast for five years.
I have a full appreciation for wake boarding, because lord knows how many times I've almost vomited from all the biffs I've taken trying to wakeboard.
Sexy, gifted and flexible. What more does a man need.
No. 11 Christa Alves
When most people think of Florida, they think of the beautiful weather, beaches and gorgeous women. I think of all the trailer trash, old people, insane people and how I want to punch every Gator fan I meet who isn't from Florida.
But I'm not most people.
However, Christa Alves represents all that is awesome about Florida. She taught herself how to board and is a total babe.
No. 10 Erica Hosseini
Like, dude this girl is totally from Newport Beach, man. She attacks killer waves on the reg, bro. She has a totally killer bod, man, and she's a real cool down-to-earth chick, dude.
I'm from Illinois, so that last paragraph was created out of complete bitterness and spite. You Californians have it so easy getting to walk around girls like Erica Hosseini every single day, that you don't ever really appreciate how beautiful she is.
Well I appreciate you Erica. Your smile warmed my heart during one of the worst winters on record. One thousand thank you's.
No. 9 Haley Cope
Two things about Haley. She won a Silver Medal in the 2004 Olympics and she posed nude for Playboy.
Posing for Playboy will get you on my good side immediately. And it's not because of the whole nudity thing. Ok, it is a little.
But seriously, it's because Hugh Hefner is a graduate from the University of Illinois and I am always about repping the orange and blue. Oskee Wow Wow!
No. 8 Stephanie Rice
This controversial honey won three gold medals at the 2008 Olympics and even holds a world record in the 400 m women's individual medley.
She also got a Jaguar taken away after she took flak for a homophobic tweet after her Austrailian Wallabys defeated the South African Springboks in a Rugby Union match.
She must drink Guinness, since it's only for the bold.
No. 7 Anastasia Davydova & Anastasia Ermakova
Do yourself a favor. Do not. I repeat DO NOT look up pictures of these two when they are performing in their sport of synchronized swimming. They look like terrifying clowns that haunt children's dreams at night. It's just not fair to them.
But good grief Charlie Brown, they sure clean up well. And they are such close teammates that there are pictures of them kissing. And I couldn't find a picture of them separated. A tight-knit duo these two.
No. 6 Maya Gabeira
Maya Gabeira, who won the 2009 ESPY for Best Female Action Sports Athlete, also conquered a 45-foot wave in South Africa, the biggest a female has ever surfed.
If I were to force myself to listen to Friday by Rebecca Black for 24 hours straight, do you think the man upstairs would reward me by dropping this tan brunette off at my house?
I guess we will never know. I had to cut that song off at the :07 mark.
No. 5 Alana Blanchard
Alana Blanchard was a highly talked about rookie in 2009 and continues to be referred to as the "hottest surfer on the planet."
Some idiot told me one time she farts rainbows and poops unicorns. Honestly, that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Girls this attractive don't go to the bathroom. Everyone knows that.
No. 4 Malia Jones
Malia Jones is an absolutely stunning model and surfer from Hawaii. She has appeared on the cover of numerous magazines and was one of People magazines "50 Most Beautiful People."
I cry myself to sleep every night because I am anxious she will be eaten by sharks. Sorry, I'm such a worry wart.
One other fact people might not know: her sweat tastes like delicious Hawaiian Punch.
No. 3 Anastasia Ashley
Anastasia Ashley is hands down the hottest, sexiest, most gorgeous...um...sorry I can't think of any more adjectives to describe this surfer from San Clemente, California. I am way too distracted by her picture.
According to the 360 Guide of Anastasia, one of her favorite shows is Degrassi. Anastasia, if you ever read this, I am officially asking you out on a date where all we will do is watch Degrassi episodes all day.
Dear readers, before you shake your head in disappointment for liking such a wonderful show, just know this: Before Aubrey Clark Graham was the rapper Drake, he was Jimmy from Degrassi.
No. 2 Partridge Twins
The only possible way Anastasia Ashley could get beat out is if she was cloned, and there were two of her. miraculously, that basically occurred.
I need to know what that dog did to be in that situation and what I need to do to switch places with him.
No. 1 Bia and Branca Feres
Hot as fire?
Brazilian Syncronized Swimmers?
World class athleticism?
I'm told these two weren't in the 2008 Beijing Olympics. That's funny, because I swear they were on the television literally every single moment of those Olympics. It must have been my imagination running wild again.
Also, these two sisters get very close when posing together. Like, really close. You know that one creepy family down the street that are a little too touchy? The one that butterfly kiss each other, hug a little too much and make everyone generally uncomfortable? Well, that doesn't apply to these two. They can have a full blown make out session for all I care.