What's up, ladies and gentlemen? My name is Eric Kanes and although I do not have enough time to do my trademark RAW Review this week, I still feel like I need to cover the show. Therefore, I cannot cover the entire show this week, but I will still give some quick thoughts on it.
Live from St. Louis, Missouri, here are my quick thoughts on RAW.
-I thought The Rock's promo with the little kid was fantastic. I laughed for most of it, especially when the kid admitted that he's not as talented as The Rock and when The Rock said that Fred Flintstone is Cena's hero. We need more of these.
-I assume that The Rock is mourning. That's why some idiot had the bright idea to turn on funeral music during his promo, right?
-The Rock says that John Cena will never have muscles like him, although Cena has always been bigger in terms of muscle mass. How did The Rock get so huge post-WWE anyway?
-The Miz really was awesome tonight. He did a terrific job of playing off of the crowd and I really like the way that they've been booking him over the past few weeks.
-The Miz hitting Khali in the back with a chair a dozen times and taking him down like that really made him look like a badass, which is what they need to do more of. I like this Miz a lot more than the Miz that was running away from Randy Orton a few weeks ago. I think that breaking the chair and making Khali's back bleed was unintentional, but it made Miz look that much stronger.
-How does Snooki make fat jokes about Vickie Guerrero when she's actually fatter than Vickie? She must have been taking notes on Cena's toilet paper promo last week.
-I guess Sheamus announcing that he's not the king anymore is WWE's way of saying, "We f*cked up. Sorry. Let's not speak of it again." Good decision anyway. He looked ridiculous in the Batman costume.
-Sheamus and Daniel Bryan have decent chemistry and Sheamus's brogue kick looked pretty cool, since it came out of nowhere and hit Bryan perfectly. I hope this leads to a longer match at WrestleMania. I think I've just missed seeing Bryan in action.
-Poor Brian Christopher looked out of breath by the time he finished dancing. By the way, if I ever want to insult someone and sound intimidating, that's exactly the kind of entrance that I'll do beforehand. Turn it up!
-The crowd popped HUGE for JR, as they should. I marked out for him too. I have to say that they are doing a phenomenal job building up the Cole/Lawler match by bringing in JBL, Brian Christopher and now JR. Major props to Michael Cole too. After The Rock and The Miz, he's been the most entertaining person on the show week in and week out. There, I said it.
-After the Ankle Lock, I am officially a Cole Miner. I thought that they'd go for a comedy approach by making Swagger/Cole backstage training segments, but they're actually making it look like Swagger has really been training Cole. JR actually passed out from Cole's ankle lock.
-While we're speaking of entrances, somebody asked me what theme Cole should enter to at WrestleMania, since he doesn't have an official entrance. After giving it some thought, I think that he should enter to "You Can Look But You Can't Touch" by The Bellas, since the rule is that Lawler can't touch him. As for the actual entrance? I'll go with R-Truth's. He should rap the song. I'm not a hardcore gamer, but if someone can put this together on SmackDown vs. RAW, I'll put it in next week's RAW Review.
-Randy Orton takes Mason Ryan out after a punt. Yawn. See what they're doing with The Miz, with him taking John Cena out in a new, creative way every week? They should've done something similar with Orton. Seeing the same thing every week can get dull after a while.
-Why take out Mason Ryan, anyway? He could've done a good job as Punk's bodyguard. He's not so horribly irritating like Husky Harris and he's not so horribly hilarious like McGillicutty and Otunga. Out of the New Nexus guys, I actually thought that Ryan was the most tolerable.
-Drew Carey is in the Hall of Fame after one appearance at the 2001 Royal Rumble. That's right. One appearance. Apparently, this is for media attention, but who the balls is this guy, anyway? I've never even heard of him other than his one WWE appearance. Media attention is an acceptable excuse for having people like Snooki and Justin Bieber, but Drew Carey? When your target audience is eight to 18 year olds? Come on!
-For the record, I've been to a dozen WWE live events, being in attendance for two WrestleManias and two SummerSlams. The Royal Rumble's not even as big. Can "Charming" Eric Kanes be inducted into the Hall of Fame next year?
-Did you know? TNA's rating last week is higher than the total number of WWE appearances that Drew Carey has made. OK, I'm done. My rant about him has been longer than his WWE career. Oh, there I go again!
-Unlike most people, I'm actually fine with Snooki wrestling at WrestleMania. It's not like it'll be a long match, anyway, and the original plan was to have Kelly Kelly in her place. Not as tragic as some people make it out to be.
-Haha, I bet Miz dreamed about doing The Rock's entrance and hitting the Rock Bottom as a kid. He must have secretly been marking out.
-They did a great job of making Miz look strong here, but don't forget the famous "look strong before the PPV, lose on PPV" theory. A Cena victory looks almost certain at this point, although now Miz will look a lot stronger in defeat and will more than likely still be in the main event scene after he loses the title. That's how you build a star.
-Fifty bucks says that Cena will no-sell the beating and hop out next week.
And that shall conclude my quick thoughts on RAW. Feel free to share your thoughts on RAW in the comment section below. Before I go today, I want to do a quick plug. I have bought into the March Madness hype, as I have been working on a tournament called "The Greatest WrestleMania Match of All Time" this week. The link to the rules and final brackets is here.
All of the brackets have been posted in separate articles, but there are links to them there. I will be back here tonight with the final bracket of round one, but until then, I'm out!
Be good, kids! And don't forget to eat those Fruity Pebbles.
Eric Kanes on YouTube.