Ben Rogers's 10 Footie Jokes

Benjamin RogersAnalyst ISeptember 30, 2008

Over the past couple of weeks we have been seeing a lighthearted warmth spread over Bleacher Report to make it a warmer and funnier place.

Two of the writers responsible for this warmth are Michelle Alves and Thomas and they have really started a great trend which has made me laugh every morning while I'm drinking my coffee and reading articles on Bleacher Report.

After some thought Ive decided I'd write a little joke article myself, so I can make other people laugh the way I laughed.

I'm not the greatest joke teller so I hope they are good but I'm only taking a shot at this so please don't send a mob round to my house if the jokes offend your team.


The seven dwarfs are down in the mines when there is a cave-in.
Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them.
In the distance a voice shouts out "Arsenal are good enough to win the European Cup."
Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive."


Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.


Q: What's is the difference between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her


Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.

Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.

Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved.


The fire brigade phones Kevin Keagan in the early hours of Sunday morning...
"Mr. Keagan, St James Park is on fire!"
"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Keagan.
"Well...the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir."


Apparently, when Harry Redknapp was West ham manager he offered to send the squad on an all expenses paid holiday to Florida but they declined. They'd rather go to Blackpool so they could see what it's like to ride on an open-top bus.


Q: What is the difference between Spurs and the Bermuda triangle?

A: The bermuda triangle has three points.


A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me," said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
"Because she beats me as well."
"Oh," said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Derby County, because they don't beat anyone!"


Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan and a supermarket trolley, with a dodgy wheel?

A: The trolley has a mind of its own.


Four surgeons are taking a tea break:

First surgeon says, "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

Second surgeon says, "Nope, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

Third surgeon says, "Well you should try electricians. Everything inside them is colour coded."

Fourth surgeon says, "I prefer Tottenham fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and a**es are interchangeable."

Well I hope you had fun reading the jokes and remember if I caused any offence to any football supporter or you enjoyed the jokes then, then please feel free to leave a comment.


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