How Sarah Palin Is Killing English Football.

And what about the National Team? Don't you find it interesting that England has not won the final of a major International competition since 30 July, 1966, nearly two and a half years after the birth of Chief Executive of "The Land of the Midnight Sun" (see also "The Land of the Soul Destroying Darkness")?

I most certainly do.

You see, most "witches" according to New England Folklore, and the Holy Bible, can't perform spells or incantations until they're three years old. In fact, one of the earliest laws passed in colonial Maine was to allow for the execution of children, should it be provable beyond all reasonable doubt that the accused was actively participating in or sympathizing with witchcraft, witchlore, or general witchery.

Now, I'm not calling anyone a "witch" per se here, but I must admit that I do find it a tad disturbing that England has failed at every international tournament since the Former Miss Alaska was able to mutter "Penalty Shoot-Out" or "Hand of God" over an over again in a relentless shower of Satanic hate, before moving on to make a potion of incompetence from the tears of Paul Gascoigne (a potion which later drove him mad), the metatarsal bones of Beckham, Rooney, and Owen, and the gloves of Paul Robinson. 

Either way you look at it, Sarah Palin is bad news. For me, for you, for the world, and most especially for the great sport of football. So I say this, if you love yourself, this world, and football, then please do everything in your power to ensure that this semi-literate embodiment of modern conservatism (and all of its dastardly, horrendous, sickening failures) never, ever, ever, gets anymore influence over our lives. 

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