Tailgating Gestapo Gone Bonkers at Notre Dame

"Early-ish in the game, a friend (a graduate student who doesn't drink anything beyond wine transubstantiated into the Blood of Christ) was standing in the student section and lost his balance on the impossibly-narrow benches.

He had to step backwards onto the concrete in the row behind...just as probably every student does several times every week. Unfortunately for him, he happened to be on the outside of a row just as an usher was walking down it.

The usher, seeing his uncoordinated step, approached him and demanded his ticket book. Confused, the guy complied, and was asked if he'd been drinking.

When he answered (rather incredulously, and apparently without bowing first) "no, I just lost my balance" the response was "bullshit" and he was taken down to the security office.

He was run through several sobriety tests (just like you'd see when a cop pulls over a potentially drunk driver), and then was breathalyzed. Seeing as he was telling the truth that he hadn't been drinking, he blew a .000.

Frustrated at having been harassed, he asked the security people for the usher's name, and was told to mind his own business and "get your ass back to your seat before we throw you out anyway" (that's an exact quote of his words, I can't swear whether it's a direct quotation or a paraphrase).

He got back just in time for halftime ... having missed almost the entire first half."

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