Although football is a really interesting sport and fun to watch at almost all times, there are those some days where you just might be in an annoying mood or not interested in a game. Here's what you do! Try to annoy the person watching! It's a perfect way to bring a boring day back to life, or to get over a match where your team lost embarrassingly!
Here are a few ways to annoy a friend or family member watching a football game!
1) Sing the Jaws theme whenever the opposition team gets the ball! Works better if it's an intense game.
2) Imitate whatever the commentator is saying in a robot voice. It's very distracting!
3) Practice making fax noises during the game. What better time to learn to make fax noises?
4) When it's half time, adjust the TV so when the match begins all the players look blue and say “Hey, now it looks like Chelsea is playing!” Try different colours too! It's fun!
5) Point to random players and ask what gender they are — Disagree with whatever they say!
6) Refer to players as mortal. If you are told to shut up, mumble under your breath "Stupid mortals! Some day...some day..."
7) Call up random people and place very loud bets with them during the game. Always side the opposite team, or the weaker team. Place outrageous bets like Stoke City 8, Arsenal 0.
8) Keep asking, “Is it over yet?” Start this about two minutes into the game!
9) Whenever a player misses a goal say, “The little green men are here,” in a scared hushed tone. This is more effective if you look around the room in a suspicious manner.
10) Pick a player. Scream goal every time he gets the ball. It’s funnier if the player is nowhere near the goal. This is extremely annoying, I've been told and I guess by the reaction when I scream "goal" every time Kaka gets the ball, it really is!
11) Pull the TV plug just as someone’s about to score. It can't get more annoying than this! Also, if the person really hates Cristiano Ronaldo and takes pleasure in seeing him cry, switch off the TV just before they show him after he loses a game. This is annoying, I speak from experience.
12) As soon as the fourth official signals how much extra time has been given, start counting down and scream “FINALLY” when the whistle is blown even if for a foul, after which say, “Damn never-ending game." If the first 90 minutes have resulted in a draw and the game moves on into extra time, curse the teams under your breath for wasting another 30 minutes of your life.
13) If the person watching’s team is losing, sing, “If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,” and ask him to join in. Don't forget to clap!
14) Keep pronouncing players names incorrectly like “Petey’s Crotch” (Peter Crouch) or “Micky Bollocks.” (Michael Ballack) Give your own commentary, except with wrongly pronounced names!
15) Throw random stuff at the TV. Like the remote control!
16) Go up to the person watching the game and say, “Your fly is unzipped.” Keep repeating till it gets very annoying. Always works!
17) Talk to yourself really loudly and when the person turns to look at you whisper, “He’s watching, shhh!" You might seem crazy, though!
18) Shift furniture around. Make sure to start when the game begins and be loud and noisy!
19) Call yourself from another phone, scream obscenities, and yell harsh words. Keep down the phone, when the person looks at you say, “Oh don’t worry, it was just your mom.” Just pray you don't get beaten up after this one!
20) Yank out the TV cable, plug in a hair dryer instead and tell whoever’s watching the game that you have a big date that’s more important than a couple of crazy men running around on a field. Works better if you’re a guy!
And remember, after this you will probably be watching the next few games by yourself!