Brandon Davies, Phil Mickelson, Michael Vick and Thursday's Top Sports Stories are here. Please be prepared to have your mind blown clean-out of your head.
I am on the news today, people. That means you get to enjoy a raucous cacophony of facts, followed by my brilliant insights.
They may not be brilliant, but they are insightful.
Brandon Davies is our first news story to break. It is my favorite kind of news. It has a touch of scandal and a bit of overreaction. In the middle, there is religion to rile us all up.
You can bet I will tread lightly, or not. I have opinions on Davies' suspension from BYU for premarital sex.
After I hit you with the sultry tones of sex before marriage, I will take it down a notch and wax philosophic about golf. More specifically, we will hit on Phil Mickelson and his new campaign against arthritis.
It sounds a bit dry, but I promise to add some jazz notes around the story.
Michael Vick rounds out our daily playlist of news. He is the big winner as far as franchise deals go, but how much of that money will he actually see? We have all the details you never knew you needed.
Saddle up, Bleacher Report fans, it is going to be a bumpy, albeit informative ride.