What's My Name Again? Chad Ochocinco and the Top 10 Names in Sports History

Joe IannelloAnalyst IIIMarch 2, 2011

What's My Name Again? Chad Ochocinco and the Top 10 Names in Sports History

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    The Academy Awards have nothing on this...

    Have you ever wondered when someone told you their name, what their parents were thinking? How about, what were they on when they came up with that?

    It may be even more shocking when you hear an announcer say the name. Shocking, or amusing?

    There are certain names that you hear once, and they will stick with you forever. Those are the names that cracked this list.

    If you were expecting the names of Dick Butkus, Ron Tugnutt or Homer Bush to be on this list, you came to the wrong place.

    With all of the profanity, sexual innuendo's and suggestive material so easily available today, let's keep it classy here. 

    Can we all agree that children can be pretty mean? Thank goodness these guys had athletic ability, or they would have had it pretty rough. In some cases, the athletic ability may not have helped.

    Here is a look at the top 10 (clean) names in sports history.

10- Flozell "The Hotel" Adams

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    Pop quiz time: is the name Flozell or the nickname "The Hotel" the reason that Adams made this list.

    Time's up, BOTH!

    How many Flozell's have you met in your lifetime? That is the kind of name that could cause a kid some serious emotional trauma.

    "The Hotel" stands a healthy 6'7" and weighs in at 340 lbs. and wears a size 22 shoe. I don't think there are many people who are giving him grief about his name.

    He has made the Pro Bowl five times during his career, and has been a franchise tackle for over a decade. So why has a seasoned veteran like Adams been the reason for a rule change in the past five years?

    Remember when Adams got into an altercation with a few Giants in their December 6, 2009 game at Giants Stadium? If not, he pushed Justin Tuck from behind after a play had been blown dead, an action which drew review by the NFL and a fine of $50K.

    As a result of this infraction, a rule change was approved during the offseason where any personal foul that occurred after the clock expires during a half will result in a 15 yard penalty on the second half or overtime kickoff.

    Way to go FLO!

    The evidence continues against Flozell hating his name: Since 2005, Adams has been called for the second most penalties in the NFL with 67.

    Fun fact: Flozell is not a recognized word by most spell-checkers.

    Projection: Flozell will be the top female name by 2050.

9- Tshimanga "Tim" Biakabutuka

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    Remember Biakabutuka? He was a pure beast during his time at Michigan.

    In three years with the Wolverines, he carried the ball 472 times for 2,810 and 24 touchdowns. He also averaged over five yards per carry. With the exception of Buckeye fans, we can all appreciate Tim's career at Michigan.

    But not as much as we appreciate his name.

    Tim also had a solid career as the featured running back with the Carolina Panthers for six years.

    There may not be another name on this list that rolls off the tongue like Tim Biakabutuka.

    Fun Fact- The Wolverines won two out of three games vs. the rival Buckeyes (both as heavy underdogs) during Biakabutuka's tenure.

    Projection- Jersey retired at the "Big House?"

8- Covelli Loyce "Coco" Crisp

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    Covelli Crisp is entertaining, Coco Crisp is classic.

    He was given the nickname "Coco" by his brother and sister, because they claimed he looked like the guy on the Cocoa Krispies cereal box.

    If that is not amusing enough, watch the video of Krisp charging the mound against the Tampa Bay Rays and cause a bench-clearing brawl.

    This is one case where the nickname may have helped the players career. He has gotten recognition from the media wherever he has gone, but is that really because of his ability or the name?

    He did manage to hit .300 in 2005.

    Fun Fact- Cocoa Krispies is also a delicious cereal.

    Projection- Coco will change his name to Fruity Pebbles.

7- Wacey Rabbit

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    This may be my favorite name ever. That also includes names without any sports affiliation.

    Rabbit was drafted in the fifth round of the 2005 draft by the Boston Bruins. After playing in the WHL and AHL, he raced to Zagreb Medvescak of the KHL this season. 

    What ever happened to the days when a guy could play on an NHL squad solely based on his name, with no attention paid to size, skill or talent? If that were the case, Rabbit would already have been the cornerstone of the NHL for the past five years. Crosby who?

    Fun Fact- There is a Wacey Rabbit Rocks Facebook page.

    Projection- Wacey will name his firstborn son Peter.

6- Wonderful Terrific Monds III

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    If you are wondering why there is a picture of Charlie Sheen grinning on a slide dedicated to the great Wonderful Terrific Monds III, it is because I could not find a picture that would do the brilliant man justice.

    You may be wondering, Wonderful Terrific Monds III? How could there be three? My response is simply, how could there not be three?

    If you have never heard of him, (how can you call yourself a sports fan?) he was a career minor league player who played in the Atlanta, Colorado, and Cincinnati farm systems.

    Fun Fact- Wonderful's Grandfather was the first boy born in his family after 11 girls, which his father (Monds the Third's Great Grandfather) found Wonderful and Terrific.

    Projection- Field of Dreams II will be based on the life of Wonderful Terrific Monds III.

5- Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo

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    Dikembe Mutombo Mpolondo Mukamba Jean-Jacques Wamutombo, or Dikembe Mutumbo for short may have had the best career of anyone on this list. 

    Mutumbo is/ was 7'2" and was one of the most dominant shot blockers of all-time. He won the NBA Defensive Player of the Year award four times.

    Mutumbo played an incredible 19 seasons and was an eight-time all-star. He averaged 9.8 PPG, 10.3 RPG and 2.7 BPG.

    Mutumbo has also been recognized for his charitable donations and work.


    Fun Fact- Mutumbo speaks nine different languages.

    Projection- Dikembe will tire of spelling his full name all the time and change his name to Tom Brady.

4- Chad Ochocinco

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    I know I am giving Chad exactly what he wants by including him on this list, more publicity, but his legal name is now Chad Ochocinco.

    Changing your last name to the Spanish version (sort of) of your football number is either extremely idiotic or complete genius.

    Regardless, Chad now has a TV show on Versus and had a reality love show (Flavor of Love?) on VH1 called the 'Ultimate Catch.'

    He is a terrific wide-receiver who will be probably be remembered for his off-the-field antics. 

    He has my vote for the greatest touchdown celebrator in NFL history. 

    Fun Fact- As of Feb. 8, 2011, Chad and 'Ultimate Catch' winner Rubi Pazmino were still together.

    Projection- As of March 10, 2011 Chad and 'Ultimate Catch' winner Rubi Pazmino are back together after breaking up ten times since March 2, 2011.

3- Kaka

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    For the record, I am still keeping things clean by including Kaka on this list.

    He is one of the most dynamic, skilled and talented soccer players in the world today. He also has one of the best names in sports history.

    He may have been a flop thus far during his time at Real Madrid, but having the name Kaka on the backs of hundreds of thousands of Spaniard children is well worth the $75 million transfer fee.


    Fun Fact- His real name is Ricardo Izecson Dos Santon, but his little brother called him "Caca" as he couldn't say Ricardo.

    Projection- Kaka will play in the MLS and change his name to 'Toilet.'

2- Maybyner Rodney Hilario A.K.A. Nene

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    What is funnier, the guy's name is Maybyner, or somehow it turned into him being called Nene?

    He is the youngest in his family, and Nene means "baby" in Portuguese. Anyone else seeing the irony that a seven foot tall man is called "baby?"

    Where does Nene rank among sports figures who go by one name? Pele, Ronaldo, Nene, Kaka in that order most likely.

    Fun Fact- Nene was originally drafted by the Knicks and his rights were traded to the Nuggets.

    Projection- When Nene retires, he will change his name to "Nay-Nay" as he heads out to pasture.

1- God Shammgod

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    Say "That's the line," if I crossed the line with this one.

    One of the most ridiculous names in sports history has to be God Shammgod. Still, it needed to be on this list because it has it all. It is edgy, innovative and downright awesome.

    Did you know there is a crossover named after him that is literally named the Shammgod. I couldn't make that up.


    Fun Fact- He played on the same high school team as Ron Artest.

    Projection- Since retiring, he has changed his name to Satan ShammDirtDevil.

    Lets hear who you think deserves to be on the list of the ten greatest names in sports history.