Twenty years from now, an evil midget scientist named Dr. Theodore McMinnee will create a deadly cyborg disguised as a beautiful woman to extract his revenge on all those who picked on him due to his tininess, and the fact that he looks like a real-life Oompa Loompa.
This sexy cyborg was programmed to wipe out all of Earth’s population (except for other midgets and gingers) but her data malfunctioned and she turned on Dr. McMinnee, killing him instantly with a Willy Wonka Fudge Blast.
Rather than fulfilling her creator’s plan of destroying Earth’s population, she decided to travel back to the year 2011, using Dr. McMinnee’s time machine, to follow through with her programming in an era where Justin Bieber is still a prepubescent little girl (believe it or not, in the year 2021 Bieber actually grows a full beard and chest hair).
Rumors have been floating around that the identity of the sexy cyborg from the future is actually brunette bombshell Corissa Furr, but she quickly debunked that theory and informed me of her true identity.
“I’m actually a ninja assassin from the past [that is] here to destroy all the Ed Hardy wearing dou**e bags in the world,” Furr said.
Coincidentally, those are my favorite kind of ninjas.
But joking aside, Furr recently made news headlines in the MMA community when she was voted as the winner of Strikeforce’s Knockout Ring Girl Competition.
With 904 votes on Facebook, Furr will represent Strikeforce at this year’s Arnold Sports Festival and work as a ring girl for the organization’s March 5 card, headlined by a light heavyweight title fight between Rafael “Feijao” Cavalcante and Dan Henderson.
A die-hard MMA fan since the old PRIDE Fighting Championship days, this is a dream job for Furr.
“I fell in love with MMA immediately upon watching my first Pride fight on TV in like, 2003. I remember Wanderlei [Silva] soccer-kicking someone and just being like ‘holy [expletive],’” Furr said.
“Honestly, you can ask any of my friends, I have said ‘I would totally love to do that job for free just so I can sit ringside for every fight,’ true story. It really is the best job if you think about it and I just can’t wait to get there and actually live the experience.”
Born and raised in the small town of Boonsboro, MD, Furr’s background is a little different than the average ring girl.
In addition to her lethal ninja skills, Furr also has an impressive modeling and acting portfolio. Upon moving to Los Angeles, CA, Furr became a regular on hit shows like HBO’s Entourage and Spike TV’s MANswers.
“Well, those things came about pretty much the same way as everyone else in Hollywood, by going to castings and auditions. When I first moved to California, just last year, and found out I got the regular spot on MANswers, I was so excited because I remember watching that show on TV,” Furr said.
“It's surreal to realize one of those girls is now ‘you.’ It's such a fun set and group of people to work with. I'm actually more blessed, I feel, with the experience I gain and amazing, talented people I meet, and things I learn from all of them, rather than any fame or popularity I gain from it.”
Strikeforce definitely struck gold with this small-town hottie turned accomplished actress known for having a hot body.
Ok, perhaps my rhyming abilities aren’t up to par with the likes of Sage Francis or MC Hammer but you have to admit that was pretty good—or as the kids call it today “bomb.”
Would you believe that Furr was actually a “band geek” throughout high school? I wonder if she dated Jim Levenstein.
“Quite the opposite, actually, I was always a major tomboy. Not the popular girl in school [and] not a cheerleader or on homecoming court. I was a band geek and I loved it,” Furr said.
“I sort of fell into [modeling] because my friend and roommate years ago was in the entertainment industry, and I happened to go with her to a shoot. The photographer wanted to take headshots for me, and then we kept shooting. Since he was paying me, I was like, sure. And then somehow one of our photos made it into FHM.”
Fast forward to today and now Furr is getting ready to start a new chapter in her life, one that involves a sport she is unbelievably passionate about.
Strikeforce has been growing rapidly over the past few years. The California-based organization has evolved from an independent promotion into the second largest fight league in MMA today.
Furr sees this as a huge opportunity and is eager to show the MMA world what she’s all about.
“Of course, yeah, I see it as potentially a very big opportunity. So, that's exactly why I can't wait to just get there, show them what I can do and hope for good things to come. I know I can represent Strikeforce and the sport with pride and passion,” Furr said.
“I take pride in anything I do and, although I am a huge MMA fan, I am going to focus on my duties as a ring girl first. I was thinking about that after I won the contest like, ‘Oh my God, do you know how many fighters I get to take my picture with at the Arnold?’ But I can't act like a crazed fan when I'm the girl wearing the Strikeforce bikini [laughs] so my professionalism will take care of that side of me.”
While the fame and popularity is certainly appealing, Furr entered the competition simply because she loves MMA.
She even named her dog “Spider” after Anderson Silva. Which by the way, if any guy tries to grab a feel in Furr’s living room, “Spider” will knock him out with a front paw kick.
Furr has been very impressed with Strikeforce as of late and believes that there is one particular aspect that the organization does better than any MMA promotion in the world today.
“The Heavyweight Grand Prix was definitely a great idea and I have always said that Strikeforce’s production value is leaps and bounds higher than any other organization today, in my opinion,” Furr said.
“I love the fighter walkouts, it reminds me of Pride. It's definitely obvious that more people are talking about Strikeforce now and I think it will continue to grow popularity for sure.”
Of course, being an unbelievably sexy person has its ups and downs. Every single time I take my pet Welsh corgi for a walk, strange women approach me and ask if they can “pet my dog.”
I know what they’re really asking, perverts.
Furr can absolutely relate as she too deals with stalkers using lame pickup lines on a daily basis.
“I get them all but I guess the one that usually sticks out is that stupid one about a mirror in my pants. Speaking of lame pickup lines, am I the only one who thinks that Britney [Spears] new hit single is really just an old, lame pickup line? That’s really annoying to me, talentless people on the radio.”
Surely, from glancing at her photos and reading this interview, many of you are wondering if this gorgeous brunette is single.
Don’t worry fellas, she “might be” available but if your I.Q is about as high as a box of crayons, you don’t stand a chance.
“What I look for in a guy has a lot to do with personality. [He must have a] sense of humor, intelligence, ability to hold an intellectual conversation, etc. I need a smart guy, I just can't deal with dumb, and yeah, I might be on the market.”
Tune in to Strikeforce: Feijao vs. Henderson this Saturday night on Showtime to see Furr strut her sexy ninja physique around the cage for the very first time.
Just don’t wear any sort of Ed Hardy clothing, especially if you’re going to be there live as you may be in danger.
Follow Corissa Furr on Twitter @CorissaFurr
Mitch Ciccarelli is the sexiest columnist in MMA. A staff writer for Heavy MMA, featured columnist for b/r and host of Crouching Tiger Hidden Leprechaun MMA Radio, Ciccarelli is also a future United States Airman beginning basic training this March (next week). He is also engaged to Eva Mendes, Eva Longoria, and Eva your Momma.
Follow Ciccarelli on twitter @MitchCiccarelli