What's up, Bleachers of Bleacher Report? My name is Eric Kanes and you are currently reading the most electrifying, awe inspiring, controversy securing, Heath Slater enduring SmackDown review on the net.
Taped from Sacramento, California I present to you this week's edition of "Smack Talk." Now let's talk some smack!
The show started off with a video package focusing on the firings of Edge & Dolph Ziggler last week, because SmackDown is the show where everybody gets fired. This video package is not a good sign as there is no mention of the segment with Edge, Del Rio, & Christian from Elimination Chamber. Hell, there's no mention of Elimination Chamber at all so I'm assuming they'll hold off on the Mania build up tonight and instead do some more firing nonsense.
Hey, I'm right! To start the show, Teddy Long announces that the main event is Edge & Kelly Kelly vs. Drew McIntyre & Vickie Guerrero and if Guerrero's team loses, she will get fired. Gee, this guy sure loves firing people. This is like the fourth firing in four weeks. Why not just fire everybody?
Rey Mysterio d. Kane (*3/4)
This match got about 10 minutes and this showed that quantity does not always equal quality. The match was way too slow with a bunch of basic holds by Kane. These two have never really had good chemistry. The match ended with Rey hitting the 619 and going to the top rope to hit a seated Senton only to be caught by Kane in a powerbomb position. Rey then reversed it into a roll-up to get the win.
Afterwards, "Dazzling" Dusty Rhodes comes out. He says that on behalf of his son, he would like to apologize to Rey. He asks Cody to come out and apologize as well and out comes the Dashing one rocking a plastic face mask. Cody refuses to apologize until Dusty convinces him, saying that he wasted the last year of his career while The Miz won the WWE title and Edge got re-hired to win the world title. Oh, the agony Edge had to go through during his one hour on the unemployment line! Cody apologizes to his father and to Rey and shakes Rey's hand. Rey then shakes Dusty's hand, but Dusty does not let go. Cody then attacks him from behind and beats him down for a couple minutes, throwing him into the barracade, grinding his face against the floor, and then taking his mask off to end the segment.
I have to say that this was very well executed. With Rhodes finally being put into a legit program, this could make for one hell of a rivalry leading up to WrestleMania. This was definitely a lot better than if they had just stared at each other for 10 minutes.
We come back from the break and Cody hugs his father backstage. He says that now Rey is the Dashing one. I think it's safe to pencil in a Mask vs. Mask match for Mania.
Rosa Mendes vs. Layla ended in a WTF (DUD)
Michelle was on commentary for this technical classic. She attacked Rosa after a minute, which got Layla disqualified. Layla was dissapointed and they began arguing afterwards but left together, further teasing a Laycool break-up.
Jack Swagger d. Kofi Kingston (*)
This lasted a grand total of three minutes with Kofi Kingston selling his arm injury from RAW. It ended with Jack Swagger locking in the ankle lock. Kofi tried to roll through but couldn't because of the arm injury so he had to tap out.
Now, if they really wanted him to sell the injury, they should've just had him off TV until after Mania, or until whenever Del Rio would defend his title against him. What they're doing now makes no sense. They had him lose clean to Del Rio twice and lose clean to a guy who used to come out with an eagle in three minutes. This just further deteriorates the value of the Intercontinental title and it devalues Kofi's credibility as champion. This is just sloppy booking.
When we come back from commercial, we get the full Cena rap promo from Monday. I covered this in my RAW Review this past Monday; the rap was fantastic. It reminded myself (and many others) why we became fans of this guy in the first place. Although I am not a fan of taking up valuable TV time to air re-runs, this was better than anything else on the show.
Vickie catches up with Chavo backstage and says that she is desperate for help tonight. Chavo remembers all the time that she bossed him around and made him make her coffee and that payback's a...Don't say it, Chavo! That's a $10,000 fine. Not a very wise investment.
Big Show d. Wade Barrett via count-out (*)
This is the new Edge vs. Dolph Ziggler. How many times are we going to have to sit through this? This ended with Big Show & Barrett fighting on the outside at the seven minute mark. Barrett threw Show into the ring post and tried to get back into the ring but Show pulled him off the apron and made it back just in time. Afterwards, the rest of the Corre came out but Big Show got a chair and nailed Justin Gabriel as the Corre bailed. Nothing new here. I wonder, if a casual fan happened to tune into the last several SmackDowns, does he think that it's a re-run considering that 90% of the show is exactly the same as the previous weeks'? Just a thought.
Another RAW replay as we see the segment where Triple H & Undertaker stare at each other for 10 minutes with some dude talking in the background. According to WWE.com, this is already an official match set for Mania. The moral of the story? All you have to do is look at the WrestleMania sign and you're in a match for WrestleMania 27. It's that easy.
Edge & Kelly Kelly d. Drew McIntyre & Vickie Guerrero (*1/4)
This went for only about five minutes. Towards the end, Edge reversed the Future Shock DDT into a DDT of his own. He set up for the spear but Vickie got in front of him and tried to beg him to not do it. Kelly Kelly got in and speared Vickie followed by Edge spearing McIntyre for the win.
Back from the break and out comes Teddy Long with 10 minutes left until the end. Vickie is crying and Teddy announces that she's fired. Thrilling. Vickie then begs Scott Armstrong to reverse the decision but he can't do anything. She begs Booker T & Michael Cole to do something but Booker T just laughs while Cole says he'll talk to Teddy Long. She then rolls into the ring and asks Edge to help her, saying she'll do anything he wants. Edge says that he could help her but he'd rather sing so he sings "Na na na na hey hey hey goodbye." Someone needs to sing that to the SmackDown writers because this was just brutal.
After seven minutes of nonsense, Vickie finally leaves but Del Rio attacks Edge from behind. He locks in the arm bar and the show ends with him winking.
Three Stars of the Show
1. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes - His segment was the only thing remotely entertaining on this show.
2. Alberto Del Rio - This was a very uneventful SmackDown and he was booked pretty strong so why not?
3. Vickie Guerrero - Vickie gets the third star out of sympathy. I don't know how she'll survive on the unemployment line. She'll probably have to endure the same traumatic obstacles as Edge & Kelly Kelly.
Worst Moment of the Week
This is a really tough decision as everybody on this show did their best to earn this award but the seven minutes of watching Vickie yell get the nod. Seriously, how much longer are they going to do this firing nonsense?
Overall, this show gets a 3.5/10. Very poorly executed and I'd even go as far as saying that this was the worst SmackDown of the year, and that's not an easy feat to achieve. The booking made no sense. Christian, the only person on SmackDown that people care about, wasn't even mentioned, Kofi Kingston was made to look like a complete buffoon, Wade Barrett & Big Show faced off for the 400th time, and somebody was fired for the fourth week in a row. SmackDown is continuing to be booked like a second rate show but hey, at least they won Bragging Rights! Whatever that means.
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