Two and a Half Men: The Sad Saga of the Miami Heat

Darrell HorwitzSenior Writer IIFebruary 25, 2011

TORONTO, CANADA - FEBRUARY 16:  Chris Bosh #1 of the Miami Heat reacts to a big slam in a game against the Toronto Raptors on February 16, 2011 at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto, Canada. The Heat defeated the Raptors 103-95. (Photo by Claus Andersen/Getty Images)
Claus Andersen/Getty Images

For those of you who think this is an article about the crazed star, or should I say ex-star of 'Two and a Half Men,' Charlie Sheen, sorry to burst your bubble. For those that realize that the three 'superstars' on the Miami Heat fit into that title, this is your story.

Chris Bosh, the third, and least talented member of the trio bombed out yesterday against the Chicago Bulls with a 1-18 night, one of the worst in league history. For a guy making the coin he's pulling in, that was not supposed to happen.

While nobody can deny that both LeBron James and Dwyane Wade are 'men,' doesn't the half part fit perfectly for Bosh?

He's averaging 18.4 PPG, along with 8.1 rebounds and .07 blocks. He's 18th in the league in rebounding, but when you stretch it out to 48 minutes, there are only four players in the top 30 with a lower average per minute. 

Perhaps the rate of exchange in Canada doesn't translate to US currency, because he's certainly not putting up the numbers he was with the Toronto Raptors.

He's always been soft, and more of a finesse player. For a guy that was supposed to be all that, he's proving that when the going gets tough, he is a non-factor.

Couldn't Miami have done better with the money they paid him, and built a more solid team that will be able to compete with the big boys once the playoffs start?

They are currently 1-7 against the best teams in the league, though they haven't played San Antonio yet, the team with the best record. Other than the first round of the playoffs, they're not going to be able to get by with just two real stars and a basketful of question marks.

After they play Washington tonight, they have a stretch of ten games against teams with an average record of 37-20.

They may win some of those games, but if the past is any indicator, they're probably not going to romp through them like they have playing the have-nots.

They still have the second-best record in the East with a 42-16 mark, and the playoffs are all about match-ups. Home court could have a big say in who comes out of the conference.

That's why the Heat might want to beat out the Bulls, because Chicago is almost unbeatable at home.

It appears the Celtics did them a favor by trading Kendrick Perkins. He was the core and the backbone of their defense. Miami has had trouble beating them without him, but with him being back, that would have made them a prohibitive favorite against the Heat.

While Miami still tries to mesh despite an excellent record, you sometimes wonder if they know who should be taking the shots at the end of games. LeBron James missed badly with a game-tying three attempt against the Bulls yesterday, and is not always known as being the best closer.

The ball probably should be in Wade's hands more, at least taking the shot at the end of games, but when you have two superstars, they have to figure things out.

The question is when the two guys carrying the team get tired of Bosh not holding up his end. He's making mega-bucks like they are, but he's not earning it. Does resentment start to fade in?

Getting back to 'Two and a Half Men,' perhaps Bosh has a career in Hollywood awaiting him.

Did you see that flop at a phantom elbow from Carlos Boozer of the Bulls last night? The replays clearly showed Boozer never touched him, but Bosh got the call. He even overacted a bit touching his nose, and pretending like it might be broken.

If only he could act like the superstar he's getting paid to be on the basketball court.

Too bad that's out of his acting range.