1) Bang on his chest like Djokovic and his tribe. Too much class and not big enough a chest.

2) Appear in a sex scandal video. Not the type to film his lovemaking and too devoted to his girlfriend.

3) Play in a band. We've heard him sing and play air guitar. 'nuff said.

4) Turn up for a game on sleeping pills. Boris Becker: this one's for you. Roger cares too much about his legacy to waste his talent like that.

5) Play Pete Sampras in an another exhibition game. Don't prove me wrong on this Roger; these games are good for Pete but potentially disastrous for you. Can't kick arse—will look bad. Can't lose—look even worse.

6) Beat Rafa Nadal on clay at the French Open. Big Federer Fan; but saw him get thrashed at the French. Not a pretty sight.

7) Cry on John McCenroe's shoulders. Mac tried it, but Federer walked away.

8) Break a tennis racquet. This is because we know that Federer is cheap. He'd rather save the racquet and not pay a fine. No, it's also because he is a classy sportsman.

9) Write an autobiography. Woke Up. Played Tennis. Went to sleep. Played tennis. Turned on the TV. Watched Tennis.

10) Read this article: It's all done in good humour. We love ya!