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50 Sports Names That Make Us Giggle

Sam WestmorelandFeatured ColumnistFebruary 23, 2011

50 Sports Names That Make Us Giggle

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    Denis Doyle/Getty Images

    We've all seen or heard it. We're sitting at home, watching a football game, a hockey game, a soccer match, when a name flashes across the screen or comes out of the announcer's mouth. 

    "Did I just hear that?" you say, stifling the urge to laugh. But then you hear it again, confirming your suspicions, and you can't stop it anymore. 

    You start to giggle, then laugh and then double over with laughter at the player's unfortunate nomenclature.

    This list is dedicated to the 50 athletes who have had to battle clever quips using their names—these men and women have endured countless hours of laughter at things they are unable to control.

    There are literally hundreds of hilarious names out there in the sports world, so feel free to leave any names you think deserve mentioning on this list.

    And now onto the funny.

50. J.J. Putz

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    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Putz is a reliever for the Arizona Diamondbacks, but if you listen to Mets fans, he more than lives up to his name.

49. JamesOn Curry

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    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    Curry's unfortunate first name was the byproduct of prenatal indecision. His mother was split between the names James and Leon, and rather than making one his first name and one his middle name, she decided to meld them into one name. 

    It also allowed opposing fans to change the notoriously streaky shooter's name to "JamesOff" during cold spells.

48. Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje

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    Brian Bahr/Getty Images

    This Cameroonian center from Georgetown played parts of three seasons in the NBA, but his name was so nice, we said it twice.

    It's just fun to say, isn't it?

47. Casey Dick

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    Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

    I have no idea whether this former Arkansas Razorbacks quarterback is a good guy or not, but his name makes me lean towards no.

46. Bastian Schweinsteiger

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    Clive Brunskill/Getty Images

    His name doesn't evoke thoughts of soccer players; it evokes memories of the Franco-Prussian War and General Bastian von Schweinsteiger. 

    No, that's not an actual historical figure, but see what I mean? You totally bought him as a general in 19th-century Germany, didn't you?

45. Chris Fuamatu-Ma'afala

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    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    It was between him and Tim Biakabutuka for this spot, but in the end, the "bad Ma'afala" won out, simply because his name took up every inch of space between his shoulders (and he wasn't a little guy either). 

    This one's just fun to say, especially when it's John Madden trying to say it.

44. Creedence Clearwater Couto

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    Yep. That's his actual name. Guess who his parents' favorite band was?

    If you said Styx, you're absolutely right!

43. Pops Mensah-Bonsu

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    Sam Greenwood/Getty Images

    We've got yet another one that's just plain fun to say. Plus anyone named "Pops" deserves a spot on this list.

42. Nicky Butt

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    Stu Forster/Getty Images

    This poor chap didn't stand much of a chance in school, did he? Even if he was better at football than just about everyone on Earth, that didn't stop fans from launching every taunt imaginable.

41. Picabo Street

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    Mike Powell/Getty Images

    Street was one of the best female downhill skiers the world has ever seen, but she was more well-known because of her unique name, which was given to her as a toddler. 

    She was named after a town nearby. That just goes to show you that towns should be named for people and not the other way around.

40. Misty Hyman

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    Al Bello/Getty Images

    I think this one speaks for itself. This American swimmer prompted snickers from the entire country when her name was announced during the Olympics.

39. World B. Free

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    Between the name, the short shorts and the receding hairline, the man born Lloyd Bernard Free might be the most ridiculous basketball player in history.

38. Kiki Vandeweghe

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    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    This former NBA player turned head coach has a name that evokes thoughts of a Dutch baroness, or even a tiny schoolgirl, not the general manager of several NBA franchises.

37. Coco Crisp

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    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    I don't know whether Crisp is a baseball player or the newest cereal from Kellogg's, part of this complete breakfast. 

36. Miroslav Satan

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    Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

    Sure, it's pronounced "Shuh-TAN," but when a name fits your appearance this well, jokes are sure to come. 

    What kind of jokes? He's not just out for goals—he's out for your eternal soul!

35. Irina Slutskaya

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    Carlo Allegri/Getty Images

    I feel bad for Irina, a Russian bronze medalist at the 2006 Olympics and silver medalist at the 2002 Games.

    She's so darned cute that it's hard to see a name like that fitting her at all. 

34. Randy Johnson

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    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Between the mullet, the name that sounds like an Austin Powers porn name and his nickname (The Big Unit), it was hard not to laugh at Randy Johnson.

    Then again, the fact that he threw a baseball 100 miles per hour with pinpoint accuracy helped a lot in that department.

33. Milton Bradley

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    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    His was the name that spawned a thousand sports broadcaster catch phrases, thanks to sharing it with the board game manufacturer.

    If you were going to make him into a board game, though, it would have to be Parker Brothers' Don't Wake Daddy.

    Why? Ultimately, you knew he was going to blow up—you just didn't know when.

32. Spud Webb

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    Webb's high-flyer act wowed crowds throughout his career, but it had to be his name that made people remember him.

    Near the end of his career, Spud started to live up to his name, filling out around the middle. Spud was a nickname, short for Sputnik, given to him by his grandmother as a baby.

31. Chief Kickingstallionsims

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    Chief Kickingstallionsims was a center for Alabama State and Stetson who never averaged better than 8.5 points and 4 rebounds, despite standing 7'1" and having one of the most frightening sounding names of all time.

30. Bimbo Coles

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    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    This former NBA player was a backup point guard from 1990 through 2004, and his real name was Vernell Eufray Coles.

    You know what? Bimbo actually sounds better.

29. The Mapp Brothers

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    The Mapp brothers were a pair of highly-recruited high school prospects.

    Majestic Mapp, the oldest brother, played for Virginia. Scientific Mapp, the younger brother, played for Florida A&M.

    Neither one made an impact in the NBA, but their names are forever carved in the annals of ridiculous nomenclature and stand as examples of why there should be an application process prior to naming your kids.

28. Taco Wallace

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    Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

    Lawrence Lasalle "Taco" Wallace was a wideout for the Seattle Seahawks, Green Bay Packers and Edmonton Eskimos.

    He also never went by his given name, so Taco Wallace it is.

    I'm not sure how Wallace got that name, but something tells me it involves tequila, ground beef and possibly sour cream.

27. Derek Boogaard

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    Paul Bereswill/Getty Images

    Derek Boogaard is a forward who doesn't score goals. He's not a fast skater and isn't much of a facilitator for teammates.

    So how is he in the NHL? Let's say you mess with one of Derek's teammates. Guess who's getting a heaping helping of Boogeyman? That would be you.

    He beats people up for a living, so it'd be in your best interest not to laugh at his unfortunate name.

26. Hakan Loob

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    Sure, his name sounds like what you do when you've got something caught in your throat. But for six seasons, the Swede charmed the pants off the city of Calgary before vanishing almost as quickly as he appeared.

    Since then, Hakan Loob has become something of a cult icon, thanks in large part to ESPN analyst John Buccigross, who is a firm believer in the church of Loob.

25. Pooh Richardson

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    Harry How/Getty Images

    When your name is Pooh, it doesn't matter what your last name is. You deserve to be in the top 25 ridiculous names of all-time.

24. Magic Johnson

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    Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

    Did no one think of the consequences here when they gave Earvin Johnson the name "Magic?"

    I'm thinking no, but regardless, it makes for what might be the best adult film star name in human history.

23. Stubby Clapp

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    Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

    Richard Keith "Stubby" Clapp was never known by his real name. This minor league infielder, who got a 23-game cup of coffee in 2001 with the Cardinals, was doomed to infamy by his name, which is still spectacular.

    Anytime your first name's Stubby, it's going to be bad, but when your last name is Clapp, well, that's just asking for trouble.

22. David Seaman

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    Alex Livesey/Getty Images

    This longtime Arsenal keeper was one of the Premiership's best goalies during his time in the league.

    He also has one of the best names in soccer and apparently loves sailing.

21. Stylez G. White

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    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    I wish I could say that Stylez was this Tampa Bay defensive end's nickname, not his real name, but I can't.

    Actually, what am I talking about? The fact that his real name is Stylez G. White makes it that much more awesome.

    I feel like he's an informant on one of those 1970s cop shows or something.

20. God Shammgod

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    Doug Pensinger/Getty Images

    Yes, God Shammgod is this former high school and college standout's real name. In high school, he went by Shammgod Wells (because that's so much better) and was teammates with a center named Karim Shabazz.

    That might be the greatest name pairing in human history right there. Can you imagine the announcer calling one of their games?

    "It's God, who lays a sweet alley-oop in there for Shabazz!"

19. Mysterious Walker

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    He's so mysterious that this is the best picture available of him. Mysterious was a three-sport athlete in college and picked baseball to play professionally in the early 20th century.

    He bounced around the big leagues, never sticking with a team for long, before going into coaching in 1916.

    If that's not the definition of living up to your name, I don't know what is.

18. Chubby Cox

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    I don't know why anyone would go by the name Chubby period. But when your last name is Cox, that's just a whole new level of hilarious.

17. Eddie Stanky

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    Stanky was a second baseman with the Cubs, Dodgers, Braves, Giants and Cardinals who was better known for his glove than his bat.

    At the plate, Eddie lived up to his name, hitting better than .285 all of once, with no power or speed on the basepaths. In the field, though, Eddie was as sweet-smelling as a rose, committing few errors for his time.

16. Albert Pujols

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    I know, I know. His name is Albert, and it's hilarious, right? Jeez, grow up.

15. Rusty Kuntz

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    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Rusty is a longtime baseball coach who has the unfortunate distinction of having a spectacularly hilarious name.

    No matter how you say his name, you can't help but chuckle.

14. Ron Tugnutt

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    Craig Melvin/Getty Images

    Once again, it doesn't matter what your first name is; if your last name is "Tugnutt," people are going to laugh.

    I don't know how Ron managed to survive high school.

13. Baskerville Holmes

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    Yep, that's actually his real name. This former standout for Memphis State (now known simply as Memphis), who was drafted by the Milwaukee Bucks but never played for them, was in fact given his fantastic name by his mother, who loved Arthur Conan Doyle's books about the fictional detective.

    Holmes died tragically in 1997, but his name lives on in the pantheon of epic athlete nomenclature.

12. Gaylord Perry

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    Jim McIsaac/Getty Images

    Wow. This Hall of Fame pitcher doesn't just have one of the funniest names of all-time (anyone named Gaylord is sure to get made fun of, even if he does have a nasty fastball), he also looks like Captain Kangaroo.

11. Boof Bonser

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    Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

    Boof Bonser's original name was John Paul Bonser, but everyone calls him Boof for some reason. He picked the name out as a kid, and it stuck.

    Eventually, he just changed his name to Boof, and a legend was born.

10. Houston Nutt

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    Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

    Is he really the head coach of Ole Miss' football team or a secret adult film star?

    The best part is, he won't even have to change his name if he decides to switch careers.

9. Dick Butkus

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    Skip Bolen/Getty Images

    Sure, his name is funny, but if you knew what was good for you, you never laughed at Dick Butkus (pronounced butt-kiss).

    He'd make sure you never laughed again.

8. Kaka

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    Denis Doyle/Getty Images

    The playmaking Brazilian midfielder's nickname is also a way to describe a particular bodily function.

    But if he's not playing well, the Real Madrid faithful (or the opposing fans if he is playing well) have a fun name to call him right there, all set up for them.

7. David Goodwillie

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    David's name is bad enough, until you find out that he was charged with rape earlier this year.

    Then the jokes are almost too easy.

6. Jim Bob Cooter

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    I don't even know what to say to this name. There's just so much funny stuff going on here.

    Between the Jim Bob, the Cooter and the fact that he played for Tennessee, it's just too perfect not to earn him a spot in the top 10.

5. Johnny Dickshot

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    Once again, you can't make this stuff up.

    While he was a baseball player by day, Johnny was one of the adult film industry's brightest stars by night.

    Or at least we like to think he was.

4. Dick Trickle

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    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Poor Dick was born 30 years too soon. If he were racing today, you know his sponsor would be some kind of pharmaceutical company or even a brand of condoms.

    Instead, he missed out on a golden sponsorship opportunity.

3. Danny Shittu

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    Martin Rose/Getty Images

    This Nigerian defender with the unfortunate name (pronounced exactly how you think it is) was the subject of one of the greatest football chants of all-time.

    During his days with Watford, fans would chant, "Chim-chimeree, chim-chimeree, chim chim, cher-oo! Who needs Sol Campbell when we've got Shittu?"

    And you wonder why I love football.

2. Dick Pole

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    Al Bello/Getty Images

    Sometimes it can take quite a while to come up with a good joke for a slide like this.

    Other times, like in the case of this former major leaguer turned coach, it doesn't take very long at all.

1. Lucious Pusey

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    Lucious here tops the list for obvious reasons. Apart from being a linebacker at Eastern Illinois, he doubles as a Bond villain.

    Seriously, people. When your last name is that ridiculous, why on Earth would you name your son Lucious?

    You might as well tape a sign on his back that says: "Please make fun of me."

    It's going to take quite a while for someone to top Lucious Pusey atop this list, but given what we've seen on this list, odds are good someone will.

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