For the past four months, my inbox has been flooded, text messages overloaded, and Facebook wall spammed from top to bottom.
Everywhere I go, my loyal and sexy Mitchaholics have been begging and pleading with me to give them another orgasmic injection of MMA Sweet Tweets here on Bleacher Report.
Usually, I’m always one to provide my readers with the topics they want to see, but my weekends have been just too crazy lately.
Between spanking Lady Gaga on Friday nights, swimming naked with Katy Perry on Saturdays and lounging around Bed, Bath and Beyond with my fiancée (more on that later) on Sunday evenings, I haven’t been able to write the Ultimate Follow Friday piece since October.
But I couldn’t ignore my Mitchaholics for long. I caved.
Ladies and gentlemen, for the time being, MMA Sweet Tweets is back in your life.
Ariel Helwani, if you try to slap a lawsuit on me for the last part of my sentence, I’ll have no choice but to throw a box of fruit rollups at your monkey ass. And the same goes for you too, Mr. Dwayne Johnson.
Sure, Rock, I smell what you’re cooking, but can you smell what I’m grilling? Son, I’ve got a big rack of breasts up on my BBQ that are ready to be marinated with my awesome sauce.
Getting back on topic, the month of February has been a busy one in the MMA world.
From last week’s Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Silva event to next weekend’s UFC 127 fight card to the announcement of the return of Gina Carano, there is no shortage of social media buzz within the MMA community.
On this 12th installment of MMA Sweet Tweets, I will feature Twitter profiles of the fighters who will compete on the Australian card next Saturday, as well as some of the heavyweights in the Strikeforce Grand Prix, and other awesomely sexy MMA personalities that you should be following.
What I’m about to say is bound to break the hearts of billions of busty females across the globe, but Carano and I are engaged and set to tie the knot next year—assuming the Mayans were wrong and the world doesn’t explode by then.
It feels like just yesterday when I met Carano but that’s probably because it was.
Last night, I was walking home from the Outback Steakhouse when a pack of Ninja Turtles attacked me.
Normally I’d put my boot so far up their reptilian asses that they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a penis and a dolphin, but after consuming seven plates of Blooming Onion and Coconut Shrimp, my body was weakened.
Just as I thought my end was near, a sexy masked woman appeared out of nowhere and knocked the Ninja Turtles out with deadly Muay Thai combinations.
She then removed her mask and revealed herself to be none other than Gina Carano.
Carano told me that she’s been crushing on me for months and wanted to know if I would be interested in being her boyfriend.
I told her that I have enough girlfriends, but there is room for another wife.
Yada yada yada, Carano announced last week that she will step back into the cage at some point in 2011.
If you follow her on twitter, I’ll seduce her into actually posting some tweets since she has yet to post one at all.
Speaking of Ninja Turtles, Penn has been spending countless hours training with Master Splinter and eating large portions of pizza in a sewer to prepare for his UFC 127 main event with Jon Fitch.
Penn and his website, BJPenn.com, have been taking MMA social media to the next level.
I recently had a BJPenn.com writer, Justin Bailey, on Crouching Tiger Hidden Leprechaun Radio and he discussed the evolution of the website from being just a site for Penn to now being a full-fledged MMA news website.
To listen to that episode and all other previous episodes of CTHL Radio, click the link below.
Believe it or not, that isn’t the same picture taken after Fitch’s only UFC loss to Georges St. Pierre at UFC 87. You see this particular photo was from a different fight and one that occurred outside of the Octagon.
Last year at UFC 110, Fitch traveled to Australia to corner his good friend and AKA teammate Cain Velasquez for his bout with Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira.
Before the event, Fitch was assaulted by a herd of albino kangaroos and a meth-addicted koala bear.
Apparently, even the Australian wildlife aren’t fans of Fitch’s decision-heavy style so he will have to be extra careful when he makes return to the land down under next weekend.
Personally, I appreciate Fitch as a fighter and find it intriguing to watch him completely negate his opponents.
A win over Penn would absolutely catapult Fitch into a long-deserved rematch with St. Pierre.
*Credit to MMA Weekly for the photo
Recent sweet tweet: “I'm going, going... back, back... to Aussie, Aussie...”
Settle down fellas, she’s a married woman. Although, I must admit Tisha Rodrigues is quite sexy.
Of course, don’t tell that to my fiancée, Gina Carano, or my head may be kicked off my shoulders. That would be kind of hot, though; maybe you should tell her.
Aside from Rodrigues’ amazing physical features, she is also one of the toughest up-and-coming female fighters out there.
Currently an amateur fighter, Rodrigues is set to go pro at some point in 2011. She’s an MMA writer, trainer, fitness model, and correspondent for The Next Great Fighter as well.
Recent sweet tweet: “@HediFazai1 my life got pretty chaotic but this nerd is still nerdalicious~”
Leading up to his UFC 127 co-main event bout with Michael Bisping in Australia, Rivera has been working with sports nutritionist P.R. Cole and cracking down on his diet to increase his energy levels in the gym.
UFC.com published a piece written by Cole where she shared Rivera’s eating schedule and discussed each meal in-depth and how it relates to improving his training performance.
Now, I may not be a professional fighter but I firmly believe that my diet is far superior to any nutritional plan out there. Take a look at a true warrior's diet.
I start my day with a big ole’ Mitchomelette which is filled with bacon, Doritos, Oreos, and various types of hot sauce. I also have a nice plate of pancakes on the side with my girl, Aunt Jemima. This is then washed down by two big jugs of milk, and I’m talking the humongous jugs of two-percent.
I tend to get hungry after I make the sexy time with my fiancée Gina Carano and ex-wife Jessica Biel, and my current booty-call Eva Longoria…and my baby’s momma Penelope Cruz. So I have my slave Martha Stewart whip me up a sandwich with lots and lots of awesome sauce on it.
Maybe about 25 hot pockets, 28 if I’m feeling up to it, and then I’ll drink 10 glasses of Mountain Dew Code Red.
Some of Jessica Simpson’s southern baked pie…I’m sure Dwayne Johnson knows what I’m talking about.
Bacon and chicken wings with lots and lots of beer.
Your mother takes care of that
I’ve been eating this way for years and my energy is through the roof. I recommend it to any and all professional fighters, athletes, etc.
Recent sweet tweet: “@ Star City Hotel in Sydney, got some good work in this morning, about to eat with Mr Rehm... feeling good baby!!!”
As ridiculous as it may look to the common eye, wearing Polka dot underwear actually makes you a better fighter. Michael Bisping has the right idea.
Fact: the only reason Bisping lost to Rashad Evans, got completely obliterated by Dan Henderson, and dropped a close decision to Wanderlei Silva is simply because “The Count” did not show up to the weigh-ins wearing Polka dot boxers.
If he wants to beat Rivera at UFC 127, he better bring those trousers with him to the weigh-ins or else “El Conquistador” is going to beat him so bad he’ll be crapping crumpets for a week.
Recent sweet tweet: “@BispingFTW yeah what they fail to mention though is that they look like theyve been in a fucking car crash when its over!!! Just the facts!”
Earlier today I bought a muffin from a local bakery and I thought it was quite tasty. But it certainly wasn’t Min-Delicious.
It didn’t leave me feeling satisfied or fulfilled, not even close. That’s why I had to go to McDonald's afterward and order a Big Mac with an order of cocaine fries (like you don’t know they put crack in their french fries), and a large soda.
But that meal wasn’t Min-Delicious either. In fact, I was so dissatisfied with the food that I ended up getting into a fight with Ronald McDonald and the Hamburglar and I whooped their super sized asses all over the McDonald's Playground.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way I will ever feel completely satisfied is if I actually meet Min Delicious in person and take her out for a deliciously delicious dinner.
This gorgeous brunette has appeared in several MMA publications such as TapouT, Ultimate MMA and MMA Worldwide Magazines.
I don’t know much about her so perhaps I should just interview her face to face? Do you think my soon-to-be wife, Gina Carano, will mind?
Recent sweet tweet: “Just went bra shopping!”
Reminiscent of his longtime friend and mentor, the late Steve Irwin, Noke has been wrestling with crocodiles in preparation for his UFC 127 main card bout with Chris Camozzi.
He’s also been rolling with gators, sparring with kangaroos, bench-pressing dingoes, giving koalas’ titty twisters, spanking wombats, playing chess with wallaroos, snorting peanut butter with heffalumps, dancing with wolves, molesting hippos—the list just goes on and on.
Noke is ready to compete in front of his homeland fans, follow him as the fight nears.
Camozzi is just a straight forward, balls to the wall, tough S.O.B.
You can hit this guy in the head with a brick and he’ll just keep coming after you. Hell, a rabid polar bear could bite his groin off and he would still continue fighting.
A reincarnated form of Anna Nicole Smith could take all of the money he has made and will make in fight bonuses, shove them up her anus and Camozzi still wouldn’t lose concentration from the fight at hand.
Win, lose or draw, Australian fans can expect a war between Camozzi and Noke next weekend at UFC 127.
Recent sweet tweet: “Eating at LAX before the long haul down under! Ready for @Ufc 127”
If dinosaurs still existed in this era, I’m pretty sure Overeem would kill them with his bare hands and eat them raw for dinner. With some horse meat on the side, of course.
In just a few months, Overeem will look to avenge a 2006 loss to Fabricio Werdum in the first round of Strikeforce’s Heavyweight Grand Prix.
The winner will move on to face Antonio Silva in the semi-finals.
Recent sweet tweet: “Sitting ringside at rising force in Sofia, great location and looking forward to see some good fights! http://plixi.com/p/78426986”
To get ready for his bout with Overeem as part of the opening round of the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix, Werdum has brought in a star-studded cast of elite training partners into his camp.
Among those training with Werdum are; The Incredible Hulk, The Thing, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Andre The Giant, Johnny Bravo and The Street Sharks.
According to inside sources, Werdum submitted all of them with a triangle choke.
This is going to be a very interesting rematch.
Recent sweet tweet: “@BigfootSilva valeu dos nosso!!parabéns pela tua grande vitoria vc merece isso e muito mais!!abraço”
Allow me to introduce you to the future of Women’s MMA. Her name is Michele “Diablita” Gutierrez and she’s coming to take over the 120-pound division.
With her ferocious striking, savvy ground game and super shmexy tattoo, Gutierrez is a star in the making.
And yes, Bleacher Report editors, I said “shmexy”. Don’t you dare correct it to “sexy” or else I’ll slap the lips so hard out of your mouth they will fly all the way into the Atlantic Ocean and get eaten alive by a Great White Shark and then you won’t have any lips. It’s nothing personal; just don’t screw with my mojo or I’ll light a firecracker up in your ass.
But getting back on topic, Gutierrez trains out of the WAND Fight Team in Las Vegas, Nev., with MMA legend Wanderlei Silva.
Her professional MMA record is 3-1 and it shouldn’t be long before we see her competing for a bigger promotion such as Bellator or Strikeforce (once they add a 120-pound female division).
Recent sweet tweet: “@mitchciccarelli.. That's sorda hot. Lol .. Yes interview me b4 u go protect the country.”
Guys, I’m warning you… you don’t want to stare at that booty for too long.
Yes, of course, it is spectacular and looks so juicy, but Felice Herrig doesn’t like people who stare. She won’t hesitate to knock you out with a Thai kick to the face if you tick her off.
Now, I don’t have this problem because I am unbelievably good looking and can get away with staring, but regular common folk should be very careful.
They don’t call her “Lil Bulldog” for nothing, she’s dangerous and one of the best strikers you’ll come across regardless of gender.
Recent sweet tweet: “A monkey dancing on a razorblade”
Who cares if the man doesn’t speak a lick of English? After what he did last week, you’d have to be a fool to not want to follow “Big Foot” Silva on twitter.
In the first round of the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix, Silva shocked the world when he not only beat Fedor Emelianenko but completely dominated him to the point of a 10-8 scoring in the second round.
Since then, Fedor’s coaches and management have come up with every excuse in the book to attempt to discredit Silva’s victory.
They have even gone to such lengths as to say that Silva and his camp utilized "forbidden psychological technology” to zap Fedor’s energy.
Personally, I think Silva just beat Fedor down like a red-headed step child and some crazy Russians are in denial.
Recent sweet tweet: “Irado o cirque du soleil.”
Josh Barnett loves juice.
Orange juice, apple juice, prune juice, cherry juice, grape juice, papaya juice, pineapple juice—he can’t get enough juice.
Follow Barnett on twitter as he prepares to take on Brett Rogers in the Strikeforce Heavyweight Grand Prix.
Recent sweet tweet: “NBA All-Star Weekend welcome to LA....and SHITTY weather.”
I fully believe that Megan Olivi is the female version of me.
She’s confident, intelligent, well-spoken, ridiculously good-looking; she can bench-press a gorilla, hold her breath for more than an hour underwater, shoot laser beams out of her eyes, etc. All traits I possess and feats I too am capable of performing.
Perhaps Olivi and I are long-lost twins? Maybe we aren’t even from this Planet?
I’ll leave that up for speculation, but you should follow her on Twitter because she’s whipping ass on Heavy MMA.
Recent sweet tweet: “Ummm, it's like a hurricane outside minus that whole pouring rain thing. Wiiiiiiindy!”
Dave, you stay away from my wife. Well actually, Gina and I aren’t married yet but I spent good money on that ring I got her out of that Wal-Mart vending machine and I’ll be damned if I’m going to let that go to waste.
One of the top radio hosts in the Las Vegas area, Farra recently teamed up with Heavy MMA and, alongside Megan Olivi, hosts a pre-fight show before every UFC called “Fight Day”.
The show successfully debuted at UFC 126. Here is a YouTube commercial promoting "Fight Day," featuring Farra and Olivi.
Looking at that picture, you’re probably wondering who that is covering Kenda up and also screaming at your computer screen for them to move their hands.
This may surprise people, but those hands actually aren’t mine. The man behind those UFC gloves is none other than Chuck Norris. Scream a little louder, he might hear you.
To learn more about the UFC’s Best of PRIDE host, read my interview with Perez from last month.
To learn more about this sexy 71-year-old alien and Shark Fights ring girl, read my interview with Nicole from last month.
If you don’t follow Stephanie Ann Cook within the next four minutes, I’m going to show up at your house and smack you so hard in the face that they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference between a rotten tomato and your oompa loompa-looking ass.
Cook is one of the premier ring girls for Tuff N’ Uff and as I’ve mentioned numerous times before she is also an undercover ninja.
Recent sweet tweet: “http://twitgoo.com/1zd6d4 :)”
Corey Laplume is seriously one of the coolest kids I’ve ever met and we haven’t even met outside of the interwebz yet.
A 16-year-old that is battling Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, Laplume is a true warrior and an inspiration.
He’s also a big fan of MMA and, with the help of It Ain’t Chemo, he’s had the opportunity to hang out with many fighters, including Ryan Couture, Gil Guardado, Ray Sefo, striking coach Shawn Tompkins, etc.
Go ahead and follow Laplume on Twitter; you won’t regret it.
Bleacher Report’s own James Ryan has been a solid contributor to the site for the past two years. He’s a lean, mean, writing machine and for every second spent not following him on Twitter, God kills a penguin.
Save a penguin, follow James Ryan.
Recent sweet tweet: “Great fight, but gotta give it to Healy...how will the judges see it?? let's hope Cecil Peoples isn't ringside lol”
Mitch Ciccarelli is the sexiest columnist in MMA.
A staff writer for Heavy MMA, featured columnist for B/R and host of Crouching Tiger Hidden Leprechaun MMA Radio, Ciccarelli is also a future United States Airman beginning basic training this March.
He is also engaged to Eva Mendes and Jessica Simpson.
Follow Ciccarelli on twitter, unless you have herpes. @MitchCiccarelli