Just Not The Right Tyne For Celebrating

David JacobsCorrespondent ISeptember 24, 2008

This morning, I was joking with my friends about how tonight's match between Spurs and Newcastle would pan out. I thought it would look like watching two cowboys trying to shoot each other with unloaded guns.

But there were still goals. Spurs got two of them, Newcastle got one.

Standard issue with Spurs matches - no goals or good football from them until the second half. Mind you, the second half wasn't much better either.

I do feel for Newcastle as much as I do for Tottenham. The word I would like to use to describe both teams' season so far would be censored and possibly have me banned from this site.

So I'm just going to say 'crappy' which is probably the limit on colourful language. Am I right? Answers on a postcard please.

Newcastle have been losing games, going through a very rough patch of managers being sacked/forced to leave and tolerating Mike Ashley who caused enough problems for Kevin Keegan. Last week, Mike Ashley got some well-deserved karma by losing £300million in the stock market after investing in HBOS Banks.

I propose that instead of placing a plaque with his actual name on his office door, wherever it may be, we should graffiti (in big, proud letters) the word 'MUG' on the door instead. If any Newcastle fans would like to add more words than this to the same door, feel free to bring spray paint cans.

But now...back to the game at hand:

Newcastle had a great chance to score in the first half. They certainly used it. The ball was poked goalwards by Damien Duff and rolled low towards the bottom-left corner, but a heroic Woodgate slid in and tapped the ball away to earn Toontown an unsuccessful corner.

Roman Pavlyuchenko struck the first blow after 62 minutes by running unmarked and jumping to head the ball past a helpless Shay Given to make it 1-0 for Spurs.
A well-placed cross from Aaron Lennon enabled him to do so.

Then, four minutes after, there was another goal. BUT noooo...it wasn't a punishment for Spurs' complacency this time.
Jamie O'Hara tapped Spurs' second goal in following a big car-toon worthy blunder.
Sorry Toon Army, I had to say that.

Tackles were coming in thick and fast, I use the adjectives to describe Aaron Lennon sometimes.

Coloccini was hit by Pavlyuchenko’s forearm and received treatment for a bloody nose. But luckily, Coloccini’s international teammate Carlos Tevez informed him of a good plastic surgeon, which Tevez himself obviously hasn’t used yet.

Other silly tackles took place throughout the match. Nearly all of them caused the referee to blow the whistle. But only some were worth blowing the whistle for.

Newcastle took something back from Spurs at 89 minutes (the ever-illusive Spurs clean sheet). Geremi curled a low cross into the Spurs penalty box. Gomes parried the ball cleanly away but couldn’t get up in time to deal with Michael Owen’s lightning-fast shot which blasted into the top left corner to keep the Spurs fans down to earth for just a bit longer.

Newcastle almost got to extra time when the ball was headed back into Spurs’ penalty box and fell kindly for Newcastle but Gomes easily picked it up. It looked like an offside, but no flag went up to confirm that.

Correct me/forgive if I’m wrong, but St. James’ Park has around 40,000 seats, but tonight, the number of actual Newcastle fans sitting in there (around 20,557) led me to believe that if I went there myself, I could put my feet up on the row in front.

A win’s a win and a cup’s a cup. Spurs make it through to the last sixteen (barely) and currently hold their Carling Cup. But just in case, I’m prepared to hand the cabinet key over at any time should Spurs lose in the next round. I hope and pray that they last at least until the finals.

In conclusion, either team could’ve won, but should’ve lost.