Some athletes are truly gifted. They’ve been given speed, agility, and strength that has affixed upon them trait-based nicknames: “Magic” Johnson, Broadway Joe. The Babe. But a rare few athletes are gifted with just the right name at birth.
Assol Silvets—She’s a skier from Belarus. With that name she must be a real jerk.
Prince Octopus Dzanie—2008 Olympic boxer from Ghana who happens to be 4′7″. He squirts ink when you punch him.
Darius Passmore—With that name he could only be a WR, or maybe a quarterback in the west coast offense.
Kim Yoo Suk—It was all good for this 2008 Olympian until they started chanting his name.
Urban Shocker—Played for the Yankees in the 1920s. Be careful of his fingers.
Majestic Mapp (& his brother Scientific)—That’s how you know your parents want you to be explorers.
Peter LaCock—Another baseball player named like a porn star.
Harry Colon—An NFL defensive back who clearly ate lots of fiber.
Nicky Butt—As a defensive midfielder for Newcastle Utd, this Butt doesn’t let anything pass.