Super Hot Honey's Who Promise To Heat Up The Diamond Game This Summer
Is there ever a reason not to conjure one of these eye popping lists with beautiful, scantily clad women?
We don't think so, and on the verge of another baseball season filled with all the promise this time of the year will inevitably bring, we figured we'd mix one great attraction with another.
So without any further adieu, let's roll!
How Come They Get A Hometown Hottie And We Don't?
Alyssa Milano loves everything about the Los Angeles Dodgers, and several of them have come to love everything about Alyssa.
It's enough to get any ballplayers engine revving, and there are more than a few other franchises in the league that can use a similar boost.
Shannon James and The Pittsburgh Pirates
James was born and bred in Pennsylvania, and if there's ever been a team that can use an aesthetically pleasing shot in the arm it's the long suffering Pittsburgh Pirates.
Shannon recently made news for taking a bat to an unwanted suitor, but we're reasonably certain she'll adopt a friendlier attitude with the hometown side.
If not, the anemic Pirates can just suit her up and put Shannon in the clean up spot. Aside from two legged targets we don't know if she can rip worth a lick but it sure figures to get some eager to be excited fannies into PNC Park.
Do They Really Need Another Angel In Anaheim?
Well in the case of Newport girl Holly Weber we'd say definitely.
The Angels won the AL West in 2009 with a 97-65 record. In 2010 they fell to 80-82 and heading into 2011 they still look like 'dogs in the division, certainly behind the League Champion Texas Rangers and quite possibly behind the young, pitching rich Oakland A's.
If things get particularly slow come summer time the attendance rich Halo's may need a vehicle aside from the guys on the field to keep the fanatics readily entertained.
We picture Holly in 60's style boots—and not much else—setting things on fire in Anaheim utilizing the Go Go dancing skills she refined on L.A.'s Hollywood strip while putting herself through school.
You Shouldn't Need To Be Convinced
But in case you are, another fetching look at a girl with all the right curves and ways.
Holly On Tobacco Juice
"When I managed, I didn't like it when my players got hurt. If someone got hit in the wrist with a pitch, I'd run out, spit some of my tobacco juice on his wrist, and rub it in. It's amazing how many guys shook off their injuries once I started spitting on them."—Trader Jack McKeon
"Baseball players like chewing tobacco because it gives them a legitimate reason to spit. They can spit on the floor, spit at your shoes, or if they are neat, they can spit into a cup. But the idea is spitting and what fun it is to spit."—TV Host Pete Franklin
"I'm a pretty easy going girl ... but spitting tobacco juice is gross. Sunflower seeds okay, A-Rods into that, I see him spitting up a storm all the time.
If some guy ever spit tobacco juice on my shoes I'd either vomit all over him or give him a black eye. One or the other that's for sure." — Weber
The Ace Of Hearts—Tina Wallman
This Australian import is the biggest thing to hit the televised Poker circuit since—well, since there's been a televised poker circuit and we can think of several Major League teams in dire need of a boost to their own on air ratings.
Where Midges Roam
None more so than the Cleveland Indians, who lost 93 games last year and failed to do much of anything this past off-season to give the fans any hope this years version of the team will be something other than the biggest joke to hit Lake Erie since baseball funny-man, Bob Uecker, drunkenly trashed the team in the 1989 film classic Major League.
In other words, or those same words exactly, "These guys stink!"
Terms Of The Deal
Of course it will cost the Indian's a bloody fortune to get Wallman to spend the summer in Cleveland, but since they've cut their 2011 payroll down to about $45,000,000 you've got to figure opening the vaults would be a worthwhile venture for a mind boggling attraction like Tina.
If nothing else she could certainly redefine the term Seventh Inning Stretch.
It Could Be a Long Year For The Mets
A decade ago New York Met fans weren't sure what to make of Benson, especially when she declared she'd sleep with every member of the club if her husband Kris decided to take a roll outside the matrimonial hay.
She came off as a bit of a wannabee, a limelight seeker without much to offer other than a death defying figure.
But in 2011 that puts lithesome Anna right into the Kim Kardashian mainstream and looking square into the headlights of another sub .500 season the Mets are going to need all the hoopla they can get if anyone is going to be paying attention come the dog days of August.
An Anna Benson day would be nice.
An Anna Benson month would be sublime!
How to Get to First Base With Anna
"I decided to take a page from my Dad's book. He doesn't drink, but he recommends a one night binge to break a disastrous slump. He would do it in his own playing days. The idea is to get so wasted you can't get tied up rehashing past mistakes and you wake up with a clean slate — in a stupor, granted, but with a clean slate." —Keith Hernandez
"When we were with the Mets I always told my husband Kris that if he ever fooled around on me the first man I would jump on was Keith Hernandez.
He wasn't even a player then, was working up in the broadcast booth. I think it was the mustache—I usually don't go in for facial hair, but on Hernandez it was really sexy. " — Benson
If You Want to See a Baseball Game in the Worst Way—Take Your Wife Along!
Henny Youngman meet So Cal stunner Lisa Dergen, who recently wed lucky Dodger leftfielder Scott Podsednik.
Dergen's tried and true Southern California roots extend down San Diego way. That's an awful good thing for the home town side who blew a big lead down the stretch last year after leading the NL West for most of the season and will be without the services of Adrian Gonzales in 2011 and beyond as the slugging first base has taken his big bat over to Beantown in search of a little protection in the batting order and maybe a World Championship Title too.
Even with Gonzales the Padres had been known to follow a strong season with a visit to the NL West cellar. That can be hell on eyes if not the turnstiles and you have to wonder why the team hasn't yet tapped a bountiful hometown source like Dergen to at least do a little on field reporting.
A Dergen Double Feature
Just in case the Padres need any convincing.
It's Extra Hot In Miami
It's another year before the domed, taxpayer financed ballpark is up and running, so even if the Florida Marlins find a way to score some runs and support one of the best young pitching staffs in the game it'll still be so hot in the stands that attendance will likely be mired in the single digit thousands.
This Playboy Stunner Is Willing To Turn The Temperature Even A Notch Higher
That lack of a fan following can be awfully discouraging for the hometown side, especially a young bunch like the Marlins.
We can't think of a better shoulder to cry on than Florida girl Kelly Carrington who's rallied behind her beloved Gators to much affect in the past and seems more than willing to exert her heavenly influence on Miami's favorite boys of summer in 2011.
Sleepless In Seattle
The Seattle Mariners entered the 2010 season hoping their 85-77 record in 2009 would be a portent of better things to come.
101 losses and a non productive off season later, the city that loves it's caffeine buzz is likely to have it's collective share of sleepless nights over the 2011 prospects of their once proud diamond franchise.
The job of bringing cheer to this potentially moribund, baseball, summer scenario may simply be too much for any one woman, so in this case we've recruited the ever titillating Shannon twins who only recently found themselves in need of a roof over their lovely heads having been unceremoniously removed from Hef's mansion.
Why not Safeco?
Hapless In Houston
Actually the Astro's do have young lefty J.A. Happ — who came from Philly in the Roy Oswalt deal—hurling for their side in 2011, so we can't say they're completely Happless but we can say their prospects of ascending anywhere near the top of the NL Central fall into the category of slim to none.
Maxim Hottie Tami Donaldson offers the Houston organization two things their fan base simply cannot afford to be without.
A stunning view from the front ...
Not a Bad Seat In The House!
... and an equally stunning view from the rear.
What If Albert Leaves St. Louis?
St. Louis fans can turn to smokin' hot UFC ring girl Brittney Palmer.
It'll Be All Politics In Washington
No Adam Dunn, no Steven Strasburgh, more than likely forecasts another miserable summer for Nats fans.
Well there is no solution, but maybe Melanie Doucette can steal away a win or two for the home side by coming up with a way to distract the opposition at just the opportune moment.
What You See Here, What You Hear Here, Let It Stay Here, When You Leave Here!
A couple of notable quotes before we let you go.
From Former Cubs Outfielder, Bob Dernier
We try to lead good clean lives, but whether or not we do is for our wives to judge.
Oft Quoted Met And Yankees Manager, Casey Stengal
Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional ballplayer.
It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.
Yankee Legend, Babe Ruth
I'll promise to go easier on the drinking and to get to bed earlier. But not for fifty thousand dollars, or two hundred and fifty thousand dollars will I ever give up women.
They're too much fun.
Former San Francisco Giant Infielder, Tito Fuentes
They shouldn't throw at me, I'm the father of five or six kids.
And Finally, From Rick Reilly, Writer Sports Illustrated
All this intellectual slobbering over a game slightly duller than watching Jello set reminds me of the time an especially precious baseball scribe was sitting in a dugout with an old, randomly toothed coach, looking out at two stars as they stood side by side in the outfield.
"You know", said the writer, "it must be something to share in the comraderie of the game, to discuss the plan of battle, to share the oneness of the team, to steel themselves for the daily taste of sweetness or bitterness."
The coach lobbed a wad of tobacco juice onto the dugout floor. "Nah", he said, "they're probably talking about a broad."
And that's all she wrote,