Ronaldo: Brazilian Soccer Legend Too Fat to Keep Playing, Decides to Retire

Ronaldo Realizes What We've All Known for Years; He's Too Fat to Keep Playing

We all knew this day was coming. It had been coming for years, now, as he grew rounder and more football-shaped with each passing year.

Brazilian legend Ronaldo announced his retirement today, due to the fact that he's now too fat to play football anymore.

The portly striker has been battling weight issues for years, to the point where many fans differentiated between the Brazilian and Portuguese wunderkind Cristiano Ronaldo by calling the Brazilian edition "Fat Ronaldo."

Things came to a head in recent months, as the striker played for Brazilian side Corinthians with what can best be described as a "fan gut." He looked an awful lot like one of those 45-year old fans who've had too many pints over the years to fit properly in a replica kit, but squeeze into it nonetheless, and was routinely serenaded by boos by the once adoring Brazilian fans.

Early in his career, there was no doubt that Fat Ronaldo was the greatest striker of his time, and one of the greatest pure strikers in history. But, it turned out that he liked European pastries a bit too much.

While the portly forward isn't fit enough to keep scoring goals, David Wells, Rich Garces and Prince Fielder have shown us that he could have just the build for a future in baseball, while William "Refridgerator" Perry and Vince Wolfork may have shown us Ronaldo's future in the "other" football.

So long, Fat Ronaldo, and thanks for the memories.

For more soccer, check out Ronaldo: The Phenomenon's Top 10 Moments.

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