The Worst Sports-Themed Valentine’s Day Gifts

Brandon GalvinFeatured ColumnistFebruary 13, 2011

The Worst Sports-Themed Valentine’s Day Gifts

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    What do you think Tom Brady will give to Gisel Bundchen?

    In case you haven’t heard, Valentine’s Day is tomorrow!

    Do you have your lucky sweetheart in sight?

    How will you woo her over?

    How are you going to put a smile on his face?

    Of course, there are thousands upon thousands of ways to make an impact on your Valentine’s life on this day of lust and love.

    Sports is one of the biggest draws across the world and each year gifts are given out accordingly.

    As you rush to pick something up for your sweetheart, here are 10 of the worst sports-themed Valentine’s Day gifts you can give this year!

Honorable Mention: You Want Me to Smell Like You, Really?

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    I'm all for going into business together, but this idea is just preposterous.

    Everyone and anyone out there should be protesting this.

    I mean come on, unisex fragrance?

    One of the things I love about my girlfriend is her unique smell. The same goes for her about me.

    Why on Earth would I want to smell like something she could wear? This is what makes us men and women!

    Men wear cologne.

    Women wear perfume.

    Stick to the code, please. That goes for everyone.

10. Delicious Chocolates

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    We’re going to kick off this piece with a clichéd Valentine’s Day favorite: chocolates.

    Except this poor fool decided to go with a package of double stuffed Oreos for his sweetheart.

    You’ve seen it before.

    Peyton and Eli Manning dueling Venus and Serena Williams in the double stuffed racing league.

    Come on man, splurge a bit for your girl!

    Oreos is what you get on any given weeknight. This is Valentine’s Day!

    Get her the big heart-shaped box with the yummy milk chocolates enclosed with caramel, coconut and the rest of the goodies.

    Although after seeing this commercial, some women out there may want their boyfriends to practice on some Oreos…

9. Skechers Shape-Ups

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    After seeing Karl Malone promote Skechers Shape-Ups, this is now a unisex gift.

    Okay, so ladies first, right?

    Just because you saw all-time NBA great Karl Malone promote these hideous shoes does not mean you should go out and buy a pair for your man.

    Trust me, he will be ridiculed to no end by his friends.

    Next up, gentlemen.

    This will only lead to an argument.

    She will terrorize you for years about getting her this as a gift. She’ll immediately think you’re suggesting she needs to exercise more and tone her butt.

    This idea has bad news written all over it for everyone.

8. Starbury Apparel

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    Ladies, you may think this is a great idea on the surface.

    Hey, he’s a basketball player.

    The shoes look nice.

    It’s cheap.

    But let’s repeat that last little tidbit...

    Now, I’ve never been one to harp on money being spent, but trust me girls, if you’re looking to make an impression… Every guy knows the Starbury shoes are $15…

7. Call of Duty: Black Ops

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    Okay, girls, so you saw the magnificent Kobe Bryant star in the commercial for the hit video game Call of Duty: Black Ops.

    If you’re one of those rare girls who love to play shooting games, you can skip to the next slide.

    Otherwise, I’m going to turn the caps lock on for this message:

    DO NOT GET CALL OF DUTY: BLACK OPS FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND.

    IT WILL RUIN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

    HE WILL BE ADDICTED TO THIS GAME.

    YOU WILL HAVE NOBODY TO BLAME BUT YOURSELF…

    ...EVEN THOUGH YOU WILL BLAME HIM ANYWAY.

     

    Just wanted to make that clear.

Maria Sharapova’s Canon Camera

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    Guys, just stay clear from this one.

    Yeah, she may want a camera, but don’t buy the one associated with one of the hottest women’s tennis players around.

    How much do you want to bet this could lead to an argument about who is hotter, Maria or your girlfriend? No matter what, it’s a lose-lose situation…

5. Just for Men

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    Ladies, ladies, ladies. Just because Emmitt Smith is on the cover and your aging beau is complaining about graying hair does NOT mean this is the way to go!

    It’s downright rude!

    You may not think so, but all you’re doing is putting it out there that his grey hair has put your man in a rocking chair…Thanks for that creative rhyme, Clyde.

    The worst thing you can do, ladies, is tell your man that his ‘stache is trash on Valentine’s Day.

    Show some love!

4. Dallas Cowboys Fan Needs a Watch

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    You may have heard the narrator tell you Eli Manning is unstoppable with his Citizen Eco-Drive watch, but let me tell you one thing…No Cowboys fan wants to be seen wearing an Eli Manning-sponsored watch.

    Even worse…Eli Manning may not be unstoppable, but he’s more unstoppable than Tony Romo!

    How’s that collarbone feeling, Tony?

3. Boston Red Sox Fan Needs a Shave

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    Really, your girlfriend should know better.

    Yeah, there are a lot of guys out there with girlfriends who just do not know sports, but this is a bad, bad idea.

    Girls, please know your boyfriends’ allegiance.

    Anything Derek Jeter-related will not sit well with your Boston Red Sox diehard boyfriend.

    The razor may give him that clean-shaven face you yearn for, but you’re better off dealing with the stubble than the rant you’ll receive!

2. Cavs Tickets

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    Honestly, there’s just no point.

    Yeah, it’ll be a cheap ticket.

    But it’s not even going to be fun.

    You pretty much already know the outcome!

1. Chicago Bears Fan Gets a Naughty Surprise

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    You know that ESPN commercial, where the couple root for opposing college teams?

    Yeah, this goes along that route.

    One of every man’s fantasies is for their girl to throw them down on the bed and undress themselves to sexy lingerie.

    Imagine if this cold-hearted girlfriend decided to unveil this Green Bay Packers g-string to her diehard Chicago Bears boyfriend on Valentine’s Day?

    What a cruel, cruel joke that would be!