Irina Shayk is the girlfriend of soccer wunderkind Cristiano Ronaldo and the best thing to the sports world since Tivo. It is about time we give the lovely lady her just due
Irina is what we in the business like to call ridiculously good-looking. She is so fine it is questionable whether even Ronaldo is worthy of her presence. But we non-chiseled bodied sports fans never have to worry about that.
The only thing we need to worry about is ranking the hottest photos from the portfolio of this supermodel. I warn you, some of these photos may scintillate the palate to no end. So tread lightly, you may just have your socks blown clean off.
Irina has that exotic look that I find myself attracted to. Okay, I'll be honest. She has that hot look that I am really into.
I enjoy this bikini immensely. It brings hope into this drab world. It is a hope that the fine fibers that hold it together suddenly fail and fall apart.
A little bit of Irina goes a long way. Just a dab of her at a red carpet event turns it into a glitzy spot. Now if we could just lose the white dress.
I hate to spoil the party. This photo serves to remind you that if you want to be with Irina, you need only to be the best football player in the world. Easy, right?
Honestly, try imagining having a discussion with someone this delectable. There is no way you get out more than a stutter and the beginnings of a string of drool.
This photo should be enjoyed like a fine wine. You take one sip, marinate in its dulcet tones and then finish the whole damn bottle.
Sorry about the sudden appearance of dude in this slide show, but I wanted to prove a point. Irina even makes denim on denim look hot.
I wanted to include this photo for one reason. This is a pic of Irina at her absolute worst. She is out for a quick stroll and is not done up. Yet, she remains one of the hottest women I have ever laid eyes on.
This pic is a mirage. At first you think you hit the jack pot, and those hopes are dashed when you realize the undies are merely flesh-colored.
It is bad enough that Irina makes me feel inferior with her beauty. Now this look makes me feel like I just farted and tried to pass it off on the dog.
You know that hot dream that you wake up from but can't remember the contents of it? Well chances are you were dreaming about this image.
Think about this for a second. Irina is merely standing still, yet this photo is better than anything I have ever done in my life.
It sort of puts your life in perspective.
Go ahead, tell me you aren't completely on team Irina now.
What is your favorite part of Irina's body? Go ahead I will give you a week to decide.
Ah, Irina cut her hair short. I was staring at this picture for 15 minutes before I realized.
Irina Shayk is not like you or I. That is why I imagine she chooses to relax in a garment just like this. Whole we are decked out in robe, she lets loose in lingerie.
Don't ruin the fantasy, let me have this one.
This pic reminds me of snake skin. That reminds me of snakes. This leads me to slithering and writhing. I need a minute now.
This is the point in the slideshow where I start crying. I just can't hold back the tears when something this hot is given to me, call me a romantic...or disturbed.
Tell me you have never wanted to be a pair of hands more in your life. Go ahead, lie to me.
I wonder what Irina is thinking about as she looks lost in thought. I imagine it has to do with her left ta-ta. Well, give the right one some love lady.
Oh great, she is flexible too. If she can cook that is a triple threat scenario people.
Is it me or did those things just grow in size. You know what? You guys go ahead. I am going to stick around and think on this for a second.
You take some rotted out ugly benches, once you stick Irina on top they become uber-hot benches. She is the best bench condiment in the world.
Allow me to place a public service announcement in here. If you see this woman, pinch yourself because you are dreaming.
They are perky, bubbly and the first thing you notice when you see her. I am talking about her eyes. No, I am talking about the same things you are noticing right now. You got me.
Irina is what I like to refer to as stupid hot. It is utterly ridiculous that someone actually looks like this. In fact, I would be better off not knowing any of this.
Okay, I take that back.
Oh, Irina. You are one dirty girl. I never thought that a day at the beach could get any better. It is already a fairly magnificent adventure.
But I stand corrected.
I find that any picture of Irina can be hazardous to your health. I stared at this one so long I forgot to eat. Two days later I am still hungry.
Just when you thought a one-piece bathing suit could not be ridiculously hot, you get this image. It is all about who is wearing the one-piece.
Irina wears it, hot. I wear it, not so hot.
Look. Irina remains hot even when her house is apparently burning down. Someone better check the stove, I think the brownies are done.
If I had a genie I would wish for this picture to be my reality, and then I would wish for it two more times. You can never have enough Irina. She is like pizza that way. The more the merrier. I always say.
I didn't realize it until now, but I really hate Ronaldo. The man gets paid millions of dollars and then gets to come home to this waiting for him.
Have a riled up enough anger from you Bleacher Report faithful?
Some people collect seashells on the beach. I collect Irina Shayk. Now what do you think is more interesting?
That there would be the closest I may ever get to paradise. In fact, the moment I saw it I freaked out. I thought I died and went to nerd on a computer heaven.
Here you thought you were having a miserable day. Then fate strikes and you come across this slide show.
It sort of makes you a believer, a believer that Irina is a cure all for whatever is ailing you.
How could the act of sitting ever be classified as hot? I offer to you exhibit No. 1. This is the hottest woman on earth, sitting, standing jumping or otherwise.
It looks like Irina is having a tough day. I can cheer her up. I may not have the chiseled body of Ronaldo, nor the bank account. I don't even have his good looks.
On second thought, let your boyfriend handle it.
But Gabe, you might say, "Where is Irina in a tight, form fitting dress?"
Well, damn you have specific taste. But ask and you shall receive.
I am not sure whether this photo is more sexy or more hot. Her hair falls down in such a way to give this picture a hot quality. But my trousers are saying this is sexy. Hmm, the debate continues.
The WAG world may have a new queen to reign supreme above all other hotties. If not, she is at the very least hot enough to be duchess.
There you go. Not a blemish on this body. Sort of like me except with less fat and problem areas.
Forget dogs. Gravity, as it turns out, is man's best friend. Now if we could just get rid of that silly bras.
Oh, for the love of God stop teasing me. This is like the Dodgers getting to the NLCS only to find out they suck.
Finish the job Irina, set them free.
Well it seems as if your garment has come undone. Please let me help you with that my lady. Are you sure you don't want to just take it off?
Some of you out there may be into booty. Well I applaud your good taste with a gift from me to you. Please enjoy responsibly.
So, tell me. What does this remind you of? The best time you can ever have at the beach right? Yeah, I thought so.
Honestly, Irina is working way too hard to seduce me. Really, all you have to do is ask and I am yours. Just let me tell my girlfriend first.
Here we have Irina dreaming of me from some far away land. Look that is my version. If you don't like it you can leave.
Okay, that's it. Before now Irina was just hot to me. Now she is something beyond that. She is hotastic. No, she is bombtastical. Yes, that is what she shall now be referred to as.
In case you wondered how Irina looks walking away, this is it. That is what we call a good departure. It is only second to a great return.