The Assassination of Fedor Emelianenko

Brett Puddy by Correspondent Written on September 22, 2008
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An enigma to even the most astute followers of MMA, Fedor’s rise to greatness defies logic. Firstly, he simply doesn’t look like a fighter, or even an athlete for that matter. In fact, Fedor’s appearance is so innocuous that you might mistake him for your beer drinking, football-loving, next door neighbor or that guy at the gym who’s constantly trying to lose those embarrassing lovehandles.

Yet, what Fedor lacks in terms of a well-defined physique he makes up for with technical prowess, superior striking ability, and, most importantly, speed. Still, saying that Fedor is fast is like saying that Russians like to drink vodka; it’s an oversimplification that doesn’t truly explain the numerous intricacies of the subject being discussed.

While many of Fedor’s loyal disciples claim that his speed is genetic, and therefore can’t be taught, others assert that his unfathomably fast reaction time is the result of plyometric and high altitude training. Simply put, Fedor moves like an athlete half his size; an athlete who has discovered the means by which speed and strength can exist in perfect harmony with one another.

This combination of raw muscularity and animal-like quickness has caused the myth that is Fedor to grow to epic proportions. Many of MMA’s top analysts believe that Fedor will retire undefeated, never once having been seriously challenged.

However, before Fedor can claim absolute dominion over MMA he must conquer the only man who has the ability to defeat him: Josh “The Baby-Faced Assassin” Barnett.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, Josh Barnett? Not the same Josh Barnett that lost to Crocop three times, tested positive for steroids, and who is a huge professional wrestling star in Japan? Yes, I’m talking about that Josh Barnett; a fighter of immense talent who has been somewhat unlucky in his professional career.

Barnett’s troubles started when, shortly after being crowned the youngest UFC heavyweight champion in history, he tested positive for anabolic steroids. Stripped of his title, Barnett was blackballed by the UFC and badmouthed repeatedly by the ever articulate Dana White.

Yet, what White refrained from telling UFC fans was that Barnett was independently tested for doping by the International Olympic Committee three months after his victory over Randy Couture and no traces of performance enhancing agents could be found in his system. Still, even with this seemingly exonerating evidence, the UFC remained quiet about Barnett’s future, forcing the former champion to seek greener pastures, which he soon found overseas.

Having left the UFC to fight in Japan’s wildly popular PRIDE organization, Barnett experienced a string of victories against quality competitors; that is until he was forced to confront Mirko Cro Cop. Losing their first battle due to a bizarre dislocated shoulder injury that put him on the shelf for six months, Barnett again lost to Cro Cop via unanimous decision almost a year later.

In between his second and third wars with the man who was quickly becoming his arch nemesis, Barnett gained impressive victories over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira, Mark Hunt, and, last but not least, Aleksander Emelianenko, who just so happens to be Fedor’s brother and training partner.

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written on September 22, 2008 Opinion

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