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Top Things on Alonso’s Mind (Over a Guinness with his amigos in Singapore)Ohhhh Jeez, if only this stupid thing goes a lil’ faster, I would have woken up an hour early for practice today morning, my motivation is nada...

Fernando Alonso Thinks Over a Guinness In Singapore

by Long John Silver [HUMOR]

16

1042 reads

Humor

September 21, 2008


Top Things on Alonso’s Mind (Over a Guinness with his amigos in Singapore)

Ohhhh Jeez, if only this stupid thing goes a lil’ faster, I would have woken up an hour early for practice today morning, my motivation is nada.

Is that Flavio in the corner table? I thought he was having a meeting with the engineers tonight?  Wait … is that Heidi with whom he is having dinner with, I thought they split? Whatever …

Should I kiss and make up with Ron D? Or buy him some good Spanish cava?

May be I should kiss and make up with Lewis? Oohhhh. no. Am losing my mind?

May be I should BMC (bitch, moan and complain) less?

I heard Singapore women are hot … and kinky

Or maybe, I should ask Pedro to send some more of that Ferrari technical data, this time to Heikki? Use Fed-Ex overnight … but the envelope should be a bright red color.

May be I should call Bernie and tell him Mclaren are doing dodgy things again. He bought it the last time, may be he will this time too, and shut them down. But, that does not help me now does it? (I need one more Guinness).

(He orders another Guinness).

Ross Brawn thinks I can do for Honda what Michael did for Ferrari. But, he won’t even share some of his bananas with me. Wait, that’s irrelevant … I'm even more confused (where is that darned Guinness?).

I think Red Bull ROCKS; it will go well with my bull impersonation after the race, every time I win, but will I win?

People think I won’t get along with Kimi—how can’t I? Try picking a fight with someone whom you have to pay for him to say some words. Kimi is as dead as a door knob. Get him drunk on vodka, maybe he will talk then …

I am all for Felipe, Bravo—Bravo Felipe, beat the kids’ ass… he screwed me over last time.

Oh wait—I am torn. If Felipe wins a championship, I will never be able to wear Scarlet? (Darn it, where is that Guinness?).

Kimi should really retire in life. I told him so last year when he won the championship… even offered to buy him vodka for the rest of his life if he retired

(As his cell phone buzzes), is Michael texting me again? Is telling me "I really should have not won the 06 championship?" He told me if he won, he would've gotten me into Ferrari…. Darn it

(As he gazes over), she is hot? Maybe hah …. Maybe tonight …

 

Fernando Alonso:  (In his vintage Spanish accent) – excuuz me, I ordered a Guinness 10 minutes ago?

Barman: Sorry Sir – the bar is closed

Fernando Alonso: Bravo—Bravo … this is beautiful, now am horny, sober and… even more CONFUSED!

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16 comments Last one added 9 months ago — Leave a Comment

  1. A R 9 months ago

    I've no clue how a person can do that for a living.
    As a famous spanish bullfighter used to say: "There's people for everything".

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  2. Lou Tattrie 9 months ago

    It's humour, don't take it as reality. Every team except last years would sign Alonso on a day's notice....even at the expense of paying for an 09 contracted driver for next year as well as Alonso's salary. Alonso is formula 1 even in the midfield...everyone writes and follows Alonsos moves, and the only 2 team boses that have won a championship in the last 10 years want him baddly...brawn, and flav.

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  3. Ryan Wood 9 months ago

    haha great 1 long!

    Really enjoyed reading this one, very creative!

    I don't reckon Alonso is a Guinness man, he likes the old Corona!

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  4. Short Jane Gold 9 months ago

    Top Things on Long John Silver's Mind (Over Coffee while typing this article)

    Ohhh Jeez, if only this stupid fingers type a li'l faster I could have woken up an hour early and gave Lewis a call and play up to him as usual.

    Is that Flavio in the corner table? And Heidi??! Oooo, love the dress! and the lipstick!

    Should I kiss Ron D and put on make up? That'd show Heidi she's not the only one who can bag an old....whatever!

    Better yet, maybe I should just kiss Lewis and make Him up! Ohhhh. no. Am losing my mind?

    Maybe I should BSC (bitch, slap Alonso and call Lewis) more?

    I heard Singapore men are hot ... and kinky

    Or maybe, I should ask Pedro to send some McLaren technical data to Alonso since they're buddies anyway, then call Lewis to blow the whistle!

    Well, Alonso's definitely my type, but since I'm definitely not his, I'll just bitch about him and get all his fans worked up til he gives me the attention I need! But, oh well, there's always Lewis, who seems really cute anyway...

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    • Long John Silver 9 months ago

      hi SJ

      ha ha - you are perf right in the fact that I drink enough straight black coffee - to keep me alive everyday, and a cappuccino ofcourse

      I did quite enjoy the homosexual undertone, independent of my inclinations ...

      hey yeah - if am willing to go down this tongue-in cheek route of humor, I should be absolutely be prepared to take the heat back right - actually liked your response, and appreciate the time you took to type it

      its humor SJ, i have no intention of riling anything up - nor to get anyone worked up

      i do love ya - how can you not ... love someone with a sense of humor

      cheers -

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    • Short Jane Gold 9 months ago

      I'm glad you're able to take as much as you dish. As I have hoped you would, you horrible man! :) (Horrible for dissing my man Alonso like that) ;)

      Didn't really took long to write or type...have nimble fingers...

      Hey, next time pick on the Hamster. There's more to say what with his pussy-cat-dollying gf and bling lifestyle.

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    • Long John Silver 9 months ago

      ofcourse Short Jane

      isnt the FIRST rule in writing

      if you dish it out - you better be able to take the heat

      cheers

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    • Long John Silver 9 months ago

      since you specifically requested for this one -

      http://bleacherreport.com/articles/52330-merry-pippin-russian-scientists-and-scarlett-agree-on-the-master-of-f1

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  5. Saraswathi Siriginia 9 months ago

    Hi LJS, nice article, and imagine, I'd picked Alonso to be the race winner at Singapore. Wonder is he is capable of some drunken driving

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    • Long John Silver 9 months ago

      ha ha - and more so, he he doesnt get stopped by cops

      and ASK THAT famous line

      'dooo you know why I pulled you over?'

      PS: two Guinness should not get him drunk by any stretch

      and and - am with you for wanting to see him win in S'pore (after Felipe) may be

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  6. H P 9 months ago

    stupid article really!!

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