To: The Ohio State University Athletics Department
From: Ron Johnson, Senior Writer, Bleacher Report
RE: Bourbon Street Beating Incident
Dear Coach Tressel:
Well, it’s déjà vu all over again for you, isn’t it Jim Tressel? It feels like I’ve done a ‘Dem Apples column on you before. It’s almost like the sports gods get a kick out of serving your beloved university an arsenal of quips and wisecracks. But there’s one thing I want to know, coach: How do you like ‘Dem Apples so far?
Yes, here we are again in familiar territory, Jim. The players and stars may have changed, but you still remain a choke artist. Here we were thinking that maybe, just maybe, you learned your lesson from last season’s ending debacle. You remember that scene, right? It was the scene that had members of the Florida Gators football team holding up newspapers that said, “GATORS WIN!!” It was the scene that had Troy Smith slumped over, hanging his head in shame after winning the Heisman and showing that his win was indeed a fluke. It was a limping, injured Ted Ginn, Jr. on crutches as the orange and blue confetti covered Phoenix Cardinal Stadium in Tempe. Yes, those were some good times, weren’t they?
Let’s fast forward to a year later, shall we? Different team. Different opponent. Different outlook. Same result. It turns out that it wasn’t just luck or the wrath of the sports gods working against you. Last night, Todd Boeckman looked like a kid who forgot what a football looked like. Beanie Wells tried to keep pace, but couldn’t keep up with everybody else. Your Buckeyes looked like a pee wee football team that was just happy to be in the situation that you were in last night. Honestly, I feel worse for my brother in Arizona. You remember him, Jim? He was the guy that was in the stands that night that your beloved Ohio State University was set to win another championship. He hadn’t felt lower than knowing that he had to endure a year of me rubbing it in that my Gators beat his Buckeyes not once, but twice in 2007 for the ultimate prize in college sports. Now he has to hear it from my friends, who happen to be LSU fanatics.
Last night, Jim, the scene was the same as last year. There were members of the LSU Tigers football team holding up newspapers that said, “TIGERS WIN!!!” Boeckman was slumped over, hanging his head in shame after an impressive showing against Mike Hart and the Michigan Wolverines. It was a Beanie Wells, obviously sore from running as hard as he could to keep your team in the game, feeling like it was all for nothing. But the biggest one of all was when the purple and yellow confetti began to rain down on Death Valley, Jr. and cover the stadium in New Orleans.
Yes, some things never change, do they Jim? It has become apparent that your time at Ohio State, though electric with conference wins, championships, and big victories over your rival Michigan, has left many a fan crying themselves to sleep. I am happy with the thought that there is a chance at redemption next season, but then again, I am saddened by it. Do you really want to even try next season? You could always pull a Cam Cameron and throw in the towel even before the first game in the recruiting session. Then again, you could be like Bobby Petrino and call it quits in the middle of mediocrity in Atlanta. Besides, the Miami Dolphins are looking for a new coach, and they figured if they put their fate in the hands of one village idiot, why not a similar village idiot with several national title appearances under his belt?
In the spirit of competition, it helps if both combatants fight to the end. It’s great when both gladiators leave it all on the field from start to finish. But if LSU wanted an easy victory, they would have gone undefeated this season instead of losing in triple overtime twice. It’s apparent that the Tigers were better than you last night…just as the Gators were better than you last year. There is a bright side, though. If you learned anything from these two losses it’s this: You can’t beat the SEC. Period. You lost to the SEC three times in 2007 and 2008.
Don’t follow? Call Ron Zook, and ask him where he got tougher. Nine times out of ten, he’ll say Florida. You lost to Florida on that fateful night of January 8, 2007. You lost to Zook’s Illinois team during the final stretch of 2007. Then, it all culminated when you got served by Les Miles’ LSU Tigers last night. It’s clear that no matter how hard you try, the SEC is more prepared for Ohio State than Ohio State is prepared for the SEC. The only bonus is that you don’t play them during the regular season, and the only time you have to see the smiles of the Southeastern Conference is when they are hoisting up another trophy against you and your “Mighty Buckeyes.”
That plan didn’t work, now did it? You had the game film from last year. You should have known what to expect from that evil conference down south. But you chose to play it your way, and what do you have to show for it? Two losses to the SEC for the Championship, two straight losses in the Super College Bowl, and three losses to the SEC in a span of 12 months. As for the school itself, they got three losses to the SEC for the National Championship in a span of 12 months to show for “all their hard work.” I think I’ll save Jim Rome the trouble and say that you have gotten soft at your old age. I remember when you were tougher, Jim. What happened to that? The SEC loves to play smashmouth football. How do you think we got so many games on Sportscenter? But I guess you’ll never know about that because I tried to warn you about the trouble your team was in against Florida, but you didn’t listen.
So with that being said, Jim, I have to ask the question that most of my fellow Bleacher Report colleagues are wanting to ask you after last night:
“Coach Tressel, your team got outmatched, outplayed, outwitted, outclassed, and above all else, outfanned by the new National Champions. LSU took everything you had and used it against you. Coach, how do you like ‘Dem Apples?”
Enjoy your offseason. Something tells me that it’s going to be a little longer than usual.
With Deepest Something,
Ron Johnson
Bleacher Report
At press time, Mr. Tressel was unavailable for comment. If you find him passed out in a bar on Bourbon Street, inform him that his team has flown back to Columbus and left his ticket with the hotel receptionist. Thanks and congratulations again to the LSU Tigers, the 2007 BCS National Champions!!
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9 months ago
You are pathetic. Tressel led the Buckeyes through a great season despite this loss.
I would love to sink to your low level of class and write the things I really think about you, but I will hold back.
If you are this wreckless in all areas of your life, I am sure it will catch up to you sooner or later. That will be satisfying enough for me.
Goodbye little man.
from 9 months ago
You know, I would love to see things from your perspective, but I can't get my head that far up my ass. Tressel did a lot of great things last season too, and went undefeated, and won the conference, and beat Michigan, and got into the BCS Title Game. All that, and they lost last year to Florida. I did this same thing to them a year ago, and you were nowhere to be found. FYI, I live to be wreckless, and it's obvious that I have enough class to show my face to the world. What's your excuse? Next time you bash me, make sure that you start from the beginning, not the end. And to take a page from you, goodbye bye little boy. See, that's called speaking your mind. It's not wreckless if it's true.
9 months ago
nice read Ron, comedy on most parts!
9 months ago
BEANIE Wells, not Bonzi. You'll know more about him when he wins the Heisman next year (or at least is a top 5 pick next year).
Tressel certainly deserves his criticism, but so do a lot of other coaches around the country. The reason why other coaches more deserving of criticism (Nick Saban, Dennis Franchione, Houston Nutt, Jeff Tedford, Steve Spurrier to name a few) aren't as popular targets is because they aren't as successful as Coach Tressel.
Tressel has been outcoached about 3 times in his life and now everyone wants to crucify him. So he's choked in the past 2 national title games. Well, at least he still won one (against arguably the greatest college team ever with McGahee, Winslow, Andre Johnson, Dorsey, Vilma, Wilfork, Sean Taylor, etc. etc.). That's something that can't be said about many other top guys. Bob Stoops hasn't won one. Mark Richt hasn't won one. Same with Tuberville Frank Beamer or Tommy Bowden. They make millions just like Tressel. Where's their criticism?
I'd say for a team that only had three senior starters, the OSU Buckeyes did pretty damn well this season. Regardless of a soft schedule or whatever excuses people coming up with, going 11-1 is nothing to be ashamed of.
You calling Jim Tressel a village idiot is inexcusable. If he's a village idiot then what are you? He's the one making millions with a championship ring, the one with national exposure, and the one whose team is perennially ranked in the top 15. He can't be that dumb to be as successful as he is.
And by the way, Death Valley is in Baton Rouge. They played the championship in The New Orleans Superdome. A "Senior Writer" should at least know that.
from 9 months ago
technically tressel didnt choke...his players did
from 9 months ago
Alright that came off way too hateful, but still...Jim Tressel doesn't deserved to get dogged like that...
9 months ago
Hey Ron, when you have haters it means you're doing a good job man. You can tell people read your work because of all the hate you get. Kudos.
And to say Spurrier deserves more criticism than Tressel is ridiculous David. At Ohio State, you're expected to win. At South Carolina, last season's 8-5 record, with a bowl and a Clemson win to boot is better than anything in the world haha.
If the Gamecocks got the players OSU did, it would be a different story. Wait till I write my column on college football recruiting this spring, you'll be in for a treat.
from 9 months ago
"When you have haters it means you're doing a good job man." Not necessarily. Bad writers certainly have haters....because they aren't good at what they do. Ron isn't a bad writer, but that's a false statement. Guys like Skip Bayless go a long way because they antagonize people. He has a LOT of haters. Does that mean he's doing a good job?
I've read plenty of Ron's work and haven't had too many bad things to say before. But when you call a coach who's brought his team to the national championship 3 out of 6 years a "village idiot" I take some issue.
Spurrier deserves some criticism because his team regressed with his own recruits playing more significant roles. Granted they went 8-5 in 2006, but this past season they went 6-6 and lost what, like 6 out of their last 7 games? (or was it 6 out of 8). The Clemson win was 2 years ago. last year (2007) SC lost to Clemson. That certainly deserves criticism.
Basically, all I said was this article was unwarranted and shortsighted criticism and it's unjustified to call this man - or Cam Cameron who just a year ago commanded the top offense in the NFL (once again, see the shortsightedness - a village idiot.
And calling Beanie Wells Bonzi Wells makes it sound like he didn't even watch the game.
Just my two cents...
I will be looking forward to reading what you have to say on college football recruiting. If you bash Tressel and it's for the right reasons, then I have no complaints with that. I wrote something that deals with recruiting and academics about a month ago. Maybe you should check it out.
9 months ago
If you really think you have class, you wouldn't bash anyone. Class is showing respect for your fellow opponent no matter what their skill or talent level is. Class is believing the other guy is better than you at all times and risking everything you have in order to beat that person. Class is being humble at times of victory and in times of defeat. You sir, are none of these things.
9 months ago
David, that's why he said "Death Valley, Jr." Read before you criticize.
9 months ago
I honestly believe the "village idiot" tag should only be used by fans of the university where the village idiot resides. If your not paying to house the idiot you need to get one of your own. Or, would that make me the idiot for having the season ticket package? Aw, man...I'm gettin' all confused about this.
9 months ago
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?O-H-I-WHO? O-H-I-WHO?
Enough Said!
9 months ago
I want to make one thing clear, I am a Buckeye fan. If you want my perspective of the game, go read my article. You'll know I'm not crying over little criticisms, but this is ridiculous. You as a SENIOR WRITER wrote this? Whats with the venom for Jim Tressel? The man has never done anything to warrant this kind of stuff. He's humble, gives credit where credit is due, and is the kind of coach we need more of. I'm not here to bash, at least try not to, but what has Ohio State done to piss the world off? You wanna rip on someone, go rip the voters, they put the Buckeyes out there. If you think composing this boastful, smug article and then slapping the "humor" tag works as a smoke screen, it doesn't work. A very blatant attempt at rubbing it in, and brought nothing of creative substance for a "comical" article for which you claim 'Dem Apples' to be.
from 9 months ago
to reply to you, cody, in ahumorous manner. what warrants osu bashing is the fact that its osu. aside from born fans/alumni/students of osu, most of the country hate osu, just like usc....and woody punching the clemson kid in the throat doesn't help either....
9 months ago
but woody punching the clemson kid was classic!!!! one for the ages!!! :-D
9 months ago
I'm not even an Ohio State fan and I think this article is stupid. Tressell is a good coach. If he wasn't he wouldn't be as successful as he's been. I bet you wouldn't say half of this to his face either. Show some class, talk about the game, not the coach.
9 months ago
The last dude needs to get the sand out of his vagina and realize that OSU and the Big 10 in general is subpar to the faster, sleeker, harder hitting SEC teams. Suck it up and accept that you fial at life and the Big 10 is for pussies who can't play real football.
9 months ago
"The last dude" needs to think about what he's reading and what typing before saying ANYTHING.
"get the sand out of his vagina"-- Seriously, are you even a senior in high school yet?
Look at the title of the article, read it again and then my response. I think I addressed the article, not the outcome of the game or the superiority of any conference. Did I say The Big 10 was better than the SEC or anyone for that matter?. I do however agree that the SEC is the best conference, but that's where the similarities end.
Seriously, stop reiterating what so many before you have spouted off. Form an original thought and show some intellegence. "Suck it up and accept that you fial at" (you mean "fail"?) being able to read and comprehend simple sentences. I'd tell you to show some class as well, but that's obviously too late.
9 months ago
David, South Carolina did beat Clemson last season (Nov 2006 31-28). I didn't say the Gamecocks beat Clemson this past season, I know we were 23-21.
And we lost five in a row to end the year.
You don't want to get into any South Carolina football arguments with me, I'm sorry but you will not win. History, stats, current news I have it all!
9 months ago
The only thing worse than this article is Ron's other article, "The Year of the Stunner: 2007 Best of WWE Winners". I didn't bother to read it simply because WWE is fake. You do know it's fake, right, Ron?
9 months ago
Normally I would not agree with such a bashing of a team and a coach.
But Tressel deserves it. He flat out can not get it done in a championship game.
from 9 months ago
except he won a championship game
9 months ago
As I can tell, there are some people that obviously need a hug...and maybe some therapy. This site is based on sports fans with opinions, and it's obvious that it's a lot like @$$holes: Everyone's got one and some just plain stink. While I do apologize for bashing Jim Tressel, I do not apologize for the column. Let's be real here. There are those of you who didn't like and that's fine. I don't hold grudges like a few of you are doing right now. But what gets me is that most of you do not have a sense of humor, and that's just plain sad. What also gets me is that when I wrote this exact same piece a year ago (Florida instead of Ohio State), I didn't see any of this. So what made that "compelling" argument slide and this one not? It's the same person that coached in last year's game, so I'm a little confused myself. However, I do apologize to David simply because he apparently is anal about names. Bonzi, Beenie, Minime, who cares? What matters is this: I didn't want to watch the game, but I did anyway. I saw the same game as everyone else, and if I'm not mistaken, I didn't see anyone defending the Buckeyes last year or this year after it was all over. I can accept criticism, because it's part of the job. And in no way am I trying to be Skip Bayless. This guy gets paid for bash everybody, win or lose. I could have said something nice about Ohio State, but I believe I did that and everyone didn't like it. In all honesty, it doesn't matter what most of you think of me personally because most of you weren't here from the beginning. How's this? All of you who are upset about the article should explain why you took it so seriously. Do you honestly think Jim Tressel is losing sleep over something I wrote? Not a chance. Do you think what I say in this column will have any impact on the draft or their recruiting? Doubt it? Bottom line is it isn't always about what you do tomorrow; it's what you do today that leaves an impact. And quit fighting amongst yourselves, anonymous people. You all either hate me or love equally. As for my "mom and dad," didn't I just see you on some 70s porno on Ebay? If you're going to hit me where it hurts, make sure I can't and don't hit back. And Mr. "WWE is fake," we all know that it's fake, but I bet you wouldn't have the balls to say that to their faces. Besides, you were probably one of the many anonymous people who were viewing the many Chris Benoit columns that were hitting the airwaves. Not even you can ignore that. So just out of curiosity, if you all hated the article so much, then why did you even take the 5 minutes to read it? Exactly. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. We'll talk about next season when it's next season. Ohio State lost to the SEC again, end of story. This column is justified. And besides, it's just facts rolled up into comedy. #1 rule of writing is don't take things personal. I won't lose sleep over the naysayers, and I'm sure none of you will lose sleep over this. So let's move on and get back to reality, shall we?
9 months ago
I was asking people where they thought Tressel would be working next year BEFORE the little hike out of the French Quater over to the Dome. The "O and 8" chant was wonderful. 8? -the number of straight losses OSU has had against SEC teams. Same number of ranked teams LSU played this year. Geaux Tigers. Nick Saban's a nappy headed ho.
from 9 months ago
Thank you for putting things into perspective Joe. Keep 'em coming
9 months ago
Only thing our football team will need next year is a louder band. My digital camera was not able to pick up the first few notes to "Hold That Tiger". Nick Saban is a nappy headed ho.
9 months ago
What I don't understand is why green tea is so much better for you than black tea. 'Course ya got the three point shot, the two point conversion and the infield fly rule. Why not? Like my Gran'pa used to say, "Never eat on an empty stomach". Get my point? I didn't think so.
9 months ago
What I don't understand is why green tea is so much better for you than black tea. 'Course ya got the three point shot, the two point conversion and the infield fly rule. Why not? Like my Gran'pa used to say, "Never eat on an empty stomach". Get my point? I didn't think so.
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