“Bookie Bill”—the sports gaming groundhog—has predicted that the Pittsburgh Steelers will triumph over the Green Bay Packers in the Super Bowl today.
“I saw my shadow fall over a package of cheddar cheese someone left on the ground,” Bill said in explaining the source for his prediction.
Bill interpreted the expiration numbers on the cheddar packaging to arrive at a 27–14 final score, with the Steelers defeating the Packers.
The sports gaming groundhog saw other signs for a Steelers victory in the forest in which he lives. “I spotted randy moss growing on the windward side of the trees,” he says. “That means the Pittsburgh wide receivers are going to have a field day against the Packers secondary.”
“I also noticed there were a lot less empty beer bottles around,” Bill says. “That’s an indication that the Pittsburgh quarterback is off the sauce. That should improve his aim.”
Bookie Bill had a number of other predictions to make regarding Super Bowl XLV.
Aaron Rodgers will not replace Steve Carrell in “The Office.”
A disagreement over a pass interference review will escalate into a fist fight between Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.
Those cutesy little carrots will be the number one snack consumed during the Super Bowl. “If you knew how much groundhogs loved carrots, you wouldn’t put any money on this one,” Bill explained.
– The great NFL lockout will not take place this March. “The owners have forgotten where they’ve put their keys.”