Matt Cooke: 10 B/R Comments Regarding the Penalized Pittsburgh Penguin
It's no secret Matt Cooke is hated by many of the hockey community; he's virtually been called every name in the book.
Cooke was suspended for the remainder of the 2010-11 season which has the virtual world in cheers.
Here's a look at some of Bleacher Report's users' comments regarding Cooke and his latest suspension.
Writer's note: Again, this is just a parody article. This is not meant to be insulting, only a comical look at some of my favorite comments.
10. Get Him Out.
Bleacher Report contributor Kevin Stewart and self proclaimed diehard sports fan says,
"Repeat offender and a disgrace to the game. Get him out."
Stewart draws from a lot of comments concerning Cooke. This sentiment has been mirrored since Cooke's infamous hit on Boston's Marc Savard last season.
Bleacher Report correspondent Patrick Bohn contributes to the cause by helping describe Cooke's speciality:
"The only unique thing Matt Cooke brings to the game is his penchant for illegal hits."
Not necessarily unique, but one trait every team is sure to want.
Another call for Cooke's expulsion was reiterated by newly registered Flyer Fan :
"Throw the useless coward out of the league before he paralyzes someone. I don't want to hear pens whiners making excuses like Mario does either. Get some credibility league!!"
Coward is a tad harsh, but look on the bright side—the league gained some credibility and Penguin fans are not whining or making Mario-like excuses for Cooke this time.
6. Cooke's Car-Like Abilities
Mike B. compares Cooke to a felony:
"…Cooke is a hit-and-run player and doesn't account for his actions on the ice."
Be on the lookout, Cooke's car-like abilities could land him a prime role in Stan Lee's next NHL endeavor.
Penguin fan and Bleacher Report contributor Steve Strausbaugh his insightful input:
"We're all equally disgusted with his cheapshotting."
I don't believe "cheapshotting" is a real word, but the message comes across. Even us Penguin fans have had enough of Cooke's antics.
Carolina Hurricane fan Sean Coffey adds his ethos to the equation:
"He's an embarrassment to the NHL and the jersey he wears."
Cooke has quite the reputation if he can embarrass an international organization. I see merchandising options in the future.
Registering this month, Bleacher Report reader Francine Boudreau hopes to send a message to Cooke:
"I hope he gets suspended for the rest of the season and playoffs. No class."
The NHL has appeased this hope—at least for the rest of the season.
2. Future Trophy Winner
Neil Middleton is not politically correct and may soon give Nostradamus a run for his money:
"Biggest goon of all, huh? Maybe he'll win that trophy too."
Without a hint of sarcasm, Middleton expresses that Cooke could win a lovely trophy. Fingers crossed Cooke can raise the Lady Byng sometime soon folks.
Never one to shy from controversial comments, Red Wings featured columnist Chris Minniti continues with his assessment of Cooke:
"I would love to see Cooke get hit into next week, or next year, and not recover."
Columnist, founder and humanitarian Minniti expresses a strong disdain for our favorite agitator, Matt Cooke.