Matt Cooke: 10 B/R Comments Regarding the Penalized Pittsburgh Penguin

Nico GodaContributor IMarch 22, 2011

Matt Cooke: 10 B/R Comments Regarding the Penalized Pittsburgh Penguin

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    PITTSBURGH, PA - MARCH 13:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins skates against the Edmonton Oilers on March 13, 2011 at CONSOL Energy Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images)
    Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

    It's no secret Matt Cooke is hated by many of the hockey community; he's virtually been called every name in the book.

    Cooke was suspended for the remainder of the 2010-11 season which has the virtual world in cheers.

    Here's a look at some of Bleacher Report's users' comments regarding Cooke and his latest suspension.

    Writer's note: Again, this is just a parody article. This is not meant to be insulting, only a comical look at some of my favorite comments.

10. Get Him Out.

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    NEWARK, NJ - MARCH 04:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins skates against the New Jersey Devils at the Prudential Center on March 4, 2011 in Newark, New Jersey. The Devils defeated the Penguins 2-1 in overtime.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images
    Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

    Bleacher Report contributor Kevin Stewart and self proclaimed diehard sports fan says,

    "Repeat offender and a disgrace to the game. Get him out."

    Stewart draws from a lot of comments concerning Cooke. This sentiment has been mirrored since Cooke's infamous hit on Boston's Marc Savard last season.

9. Uniqueness

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    CHICAGO, IL - FEBRUARY 20: Corey Crawford #50 of the Chicago Blackhawks looks to make a save against Tyler Kennedy #48 and Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins at the United Center on February 20, 2011 in Chicago, Illinois. The Blackhawks defeated th
    Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images

    Bleacher Report correspondent Patrick Bohn contributes to the cause by helping describe Cooke's speciality:

    "The only unique thing Matt Cooke brings to the game is his penchant for illegal hits."

    Not necessarily unique, but one trait every team is sure to want.

8. Coward

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    WASHINGTON, DC - FEBRUARY 06:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins handles the puck against the Washington Capitals at the Verizon Center on February 6, 2011 in Washington, DC.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)
    Greg Fiume/Getty Images

    Another call for Cooke's expulsion was reiterated by newly registered Flyer Fan :

    "Throw the useless coward out of the league before he paralyzes someone. I don't want to hear pens whiners making excuses like Mario does either. Get some credibility league!!"

    Coward is a tad harsh, but look on the bright side—the league gained some credibility and Penguin fans are not whining or making Mario-like excuses for Cooke this time.

7. Pest

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    PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 08:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins skates into the net against the Minnesota Wild on January 8, 2011 at CONSOL Energy Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jamie Sabau/Getty Images)
    Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

    Bleacher Report active member Patrick Callahan dictates:

    "Cooke is beyond the usual pest that occasionally crosses the line."

    Merriam-Webster defines a pest as, "one that pesters or annoys."

    Mr. Callahan you hit the nail on the head.

6. Cooke's Car-Like Abilities

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    PHILADELPHIA - OCTOBER 16:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins skates against the Philadelphia Flyers at the Wells Fargo Center on October 16, 2010 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
    Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

    Mike B. compares Cooke to a felony:

    "…Cooke is a hit-and-run player and doesn't account for his actions on the ice."

    Be on the lookout, Cooke's car-like abilities could land him a prime role in Stan Lee's next NHL endeavor.

5. Disgust

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    PITTSBURGH, PA - FEBRUARY 8:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins checks Fedor Tyutin #51 of the Columbus Blue Jackets in the first period on February 8, 2011 at CONSOL Energy Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Cooke was assessed a five-minute majo
    Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

    Penguin fan and Bleacher Report contributor Steve Strausbaugh his insightful input:

    "We're all equally disgusted with his cheapshotting."

    I don't believe "cheapshotting" is a real word, but the message comes across. Even us Penguin fans have had enough of Cooke's antics.

4. Embarassing

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    PITTSBURGH, PA - JANUARY 01:  Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins walks to the ice before playing against the Washington Capitals during the 2011 NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic at Heinz Field on January 1, 2011 in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Washingto
    Jamie Squire/Getty Images

    Carolina Hurricane fan Sean Coffey adds his ethos to the equation:

    "He's an embarrassment to the NHL and the jersey he wears."

    Cooke has quite the reputation if he can embarrass an international organization. I see merchandising options in the future.

3. Classy

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    BUFFALO, NY - DECEMBER 11: Jason Pominville #29 of the Buffalo Sabres fights with Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins in the first period at HSBC Arena on December 11, 2010 in Buffalo, New York.  (Photo by Rick Stewart/Getty Images)
    Rick Stewart/Getty Images

    Registering this month, Bleacher Report reader Francine Boudreau hopes to send a message to Cooke:

    "I hope he gets suspended for the rest of the season and playoffs. No class."

    The NHL has appeased this hope—at least for the rest of the season.

2. Future Trophy Winner

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    TORONTO - JANUARY 1:  The Lady Byng Memorial Trophy is presented yearly to the Player who Displays Gentlemanly Conduct by the National Hockey League as pictured on January 01, 2001.  (Photo by Silva Pecota /Getty Images/NHLI)
    Silvia Pecota/Getty Images

    Neil Middleton is not politically correct and may soon give Nostradamus a run for his money:

    "Biggest goon of all, huh? Maybe he'll win that trophy too."

    Without a hint of sarcasm, Middleton expresses that Cooke could win a lovely trophy. Fingers crossed Cooke can raise the Lady Byng sometime soon folks.

1. Farewell

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    PITTSBURGH - NOVEMBER 17:  Goaltender Roberto Luongo #1 of the Vancouver Canucks defends the net as Matt Cooke #24 of the Pittsburgh Penguins attempts to score on November 17, 2010 at Consol Energy Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.  (Photo by Jamie Saba
    Jamie Sabau/Getty Images

    Never one to shy from controversial comments, Red Wings featured columnist Chris Minniti continues with his assessment of Cooke:

    "I would love to see Cooke get hit into next week, or next year, and not recover."

    Columnist, founder and humanitarian Minniti expresses a strong disdain for our favorite agitator, Matt Cooke.