NOTE: The following is a parody. It is entirely fictional and in no way accurately represents how the given person would act or react (well, maybe a little). If you don't like these types of things, then it would be wise to just go back the way you came.
The Jeopardy theme song plays and the camera swoops in to show a setting similar to normal Jeopardy’s but with football jerseys and pictures of players all over the place. The camera focuses on a man in an all white suit. Wait, is that…
Lynn: “Hello, I’m Mike Lynn and I welcome you to Pigskin Jeopardy. This edition is focusing on horrible GM’s and owners and a deal has been struck where all four contestants are competing to keep their job. Only the winner will remain employed – the remaining three will be fired on the spot, live on this show. It sounds promising, I know! So go and grab your popcorn, call down your family, and get yourselves ready for some good old fashioned redemption!
“Now let’s introduce our contestants! First up is a jolly old GM from up north. He is a BIG fan of wide receivers, jelly beans, and Enron! Here he is, the Detroit Lions GM – Matt Millen!”
Millen comes jogging out wearing a Herman Moore jersey and waving to the crowd. They boo him but either it’s not fazing him or he’s just learned to filter it out over the years.
Lynn: “Welcome to the show, Matt! Planning on saving your job today?”
Millen: “Oh I definitely plan on proving I’m the best today, Mike. GOOOOOOOO LIONS!!!!
Silence falls over the crowd and if there were crickets present, they would likely be the only audible sound. The booing eventually commences.
Lynn: “Sure. Um, next up is a high roller from our nation’s capital. He enjoys bubble baths, being ridiculously wealthy, and wasting some of his money on multiple, unnecessary, assistant coaches. That’s right folks; let’s hear a big round of applause for Washington Redskins owner Daniel Snyder!
Snyder comes out dressed to the nines in a suit, and walks towards his podium. He is incredibly stoic and if one didn’t know any better, may have guessed that he was in a supermarket or something. More boos are issued for Snyder, although they aren’t as loud and passionate as they had been for Millen.
Lynn: “Dan! Good to see you. You’re looking sharp as usual!”
Snyder: “Yes.” He looks at his watch.
Lynn: “Charming as ever I see. But moving on to our next contestant… he’s been around longer than dirt and you can absolutely notice that when looking at him. He enjoys complaining, firing people, sardines, and prune juice. Here he is, the corpse formerly known as Al Davis!
Davis zooms out on a motorized scooter, shooting dirty looks at all on path to his podium.
Lynn: Al, good to see you again. How are you?”
Davis: “WHERE ARE MY SLIPPERS!?!?”
Lynn shrugs, with a look of worry spreading over his face as he realizes that it’s going to be a LONG day.
Lynn: “Anyway, on to our last contestant. He enjoys lasagna, fine wine, and bargain shopping. You got it, it’s Jerry Angelo!
Angelo comes out sporting a Ryan Leaf jersey to the bewilderment of all. He looks a bit smug as he moves towards his podium.
Lynn: “Jerry, welcome to the show! Is that a Ryan Leaf jersey you’re wearing there?”
Angelo: “Yes I actually just finalized a four year contract with him. He will be battling it out with Rex Grossman and Kyle Orton for our starting QB position. I think I can speak for all of Chicago when I say that the excitement will be palpable.”
Some gasps can be heard. Lynn holds in his earpiece and mumbles something into his breast pocket. He nods.
Lynn: “Jerry, I’m sorry, but I’ve just checked with the producers of the show and they said that we have the authority to do this since it was in the contracts you all signed. You’re fired. I suggest you leave immediately with all of the Bears fans we have in the crowd.”
The Bears fans in the crowd look unsure of how to react. On one hand, they’re happy Angelo’s been fired, but on the other – the team was now stuck with Ryan Leaf for the next four years. Still though, they start celebrating as Angelo is happily led backstage by… uh-oh, is that Lance Briggs?
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