kirk: Spock, what the hell is in that thing your looking into?? Is that a mini tv or somethin?
spock: No captain, I am looking at my Fantasy Football team and trying to figure out who to play.
Uhura: Captain, (holding that little blue tooth thing in her ear) I am receiving a signal from earth.
Kirk: Put it on the screen please
(the screen lights up and it is a giant Al Davis head) the whole crew jumps back!
Kirk: WHAT THE F*CK?
Screen: Kirk, this is Al Davis...I own this friggin ship and all in it...you will listen to my commands, no matter how crazy or unorthodox...NOW ARE YOU LISTENING?
Kirk: yes sir (still leaning back in his command chair).
Spock: (whispering to kirk) captain, it is 100% pure senility.
Kirk: (whispering back to spock) is there any way to stop him?
Spock: (whispering) no captain, he has the ultimate power and our fate in his wrinkly hand.
Kirk: (mumbles) SH*T!!
screen: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Kirk: uhhhh nothing sir.... d d did you have a command for us?
screen: YES, I have given your young assss control of my ship (team), but I give you no real authority...you will do as I say and drive this ship right into the ground...regardless of the crew (the nation) and its feelings...AND DO IT NOW!!
(Screen turns off)
Kirk: ok crew, gather around and take a hit of spock's stuff (takes joint from spock and hits it)
(in a smoke inhaled, hold it in, voice...) F*CK THAT GUY...we are going to fly to Buffalo and fulton torpedo those new yahkers back to reality!!!
Sulu: to buffalo sir?
Kirk: Helll friggin yeah...
(calling scott)
Kirk: Scotty?
Scott: aye captain?
kirk: hey drop your c**k and pick up the rocks (di lithium crystals) and get this hoopdy ride to buffalo...
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