Star Trek and the Raiders

Mike SommersContributor ISeptember 19, 2008

kirk: Spock, what the hell is in that thing your looking into?? Is that a mini tv or somethin?

spock: No captain, I am looking at my Fantasy Football team and trying to figure out who to play.

Uhura: Captain, (holding that little blue tooth thing in her ear) I am receiving a signal from earth.

Kirk: Put it on the screen please

(the screen lights up and it is a giant Al Davis head) the whole crew jumps back!


Screen: Kirk, this is Al Davis...I own this friggin ship and all in will listen to my commands, no matter how crazy or unorthodox...NOW ARE YOU LISTENING?

Kirk: yes sir (still leaning back in his command chair).

Spock: (whispering to kirk) captain, it is 100% pure senility.

Kirk: (whispering back to spock) is there any way to stop him?

Spock: (whispering) no captain, he has the ultimate power and our fate in his wrinkly hand.

Kirk: (mumbles) SH*T!!


Kirk: uhhhh nothing sir.... d d did you have a command for us?

screen: YES, I have given your young assss control of my ship (team), but I give you no real will do as I say and drive this ship right into the ground...regardless of the crew (the nation) and its feelings...AND DO IT NOW!!

(Screen turns off)

Kirk: ok crew, gather around and take a hit of spock's stuff (takes joint from spock and hits it)
(in a smoke inhaled, hold it in, voice...) F*CK THAT GUY...we are going to fly to Buffalo and fulton torpedo those new yahkers back to reality!!!

Sulu: to buffalo sir?

Kirk: Helll friggin yeah...

(calling scott)

Kirk: Scotty?

Scott: aye captain?

kirk: hey drop your c**k and pick up the rocks (di lithium crystals) and get this hoopdy ride to buffalo...