Take a good look, WAG lovers. That there is a photo of a once-hot woman. The time for any of us to look our best is fleeting.
This is not to say that I ever had a time period where I looked amazing. The best I can hope for is that my sweats don't have a blatant stain on them.
But for WAGs, their looks are their livelihood. It is what makes them such a marvel to admire. Just as Brett Favre lost his touch, WAGs also lose theirs.
It is just a shame that we cannot force these next women into retirement. Their careers of amazing us with their silky lines are at an end.
As the sands in the hour glass drain to a close, it is time to marvel at what once was. Let's get a little snooty while we are at it.
Here is the lovely Joumana before Jason and her went all "Ike and Tina" on one another. I have to say that she is taking the caressing of Jason rather well.
I think I would be put off a bit if he was standing behind me with that creepy smile.
Leave well enough alone kids. If you get a nose job, make sure it does not cheat to one side or the other.
Every WAG article must have Kim Kardashian. It is a rule that I proudly follow. Her holiday binge-fest allowed her to be on this list.
Late in 2010, the media caught wind that Kim K. was knocked up. It turns out, she had one to many trips to the buffet line.
Kim has remedied that and looks better than ever. But this close shave must be noted.
Heidi Hamels was once Heidi Strobel, a Playboy Playmate. That is a very good thing to have on your hot-person resume.
See what marriage does, people? The hot is slowly getting syphoned out of her. Please, if you are going to give to any charity this year, give to the "Keep Heidi Hot Fund."
It may be our only hope.
Lovely and spry, Jennie Finch is not only a WAG, but an athlete. That means she is not only better looking than me, she can kill me on the diamond.
There is no one, overlying downfall for Finch. She just is not the same hottie that she once was. It is kind of like Brett Favre at the start of 2010.
He looked the same but somewhere off in the recesses of your subconscious you knew it was over.
Here is Tamia Hill in her prime. It is just like Grant Hill in his prime, with more ability to stay on the court.
Now if you look up "mediocre" in the dictionary, you will find a description of Grant Hill's career...and this photo.
Here is Queen Vicky. In this photo, she is the correct size for a normal human being. Except for the ta-tas. Those are enough to feed a small army of hungry infants.
Here she is starting off the 2011 year with the new skeleton chic. Aren't you supposed to be preggers?
Here is Ashley almost three years ago. She puts the sexy back in classy. Or the other way around. I never can remember how it goes.
Here Ashley is all gussied up and looks like she could use a couple more hours of sleep. I would look the same if I had to traverse the most recent Peyton Manning season.
We sometimes forget how hot Hilary can be. She is that rare blend of hot and hotter that is just so hard to find these days.
Duff may be hitting the pudding snacks a little too hard. I do want to say that I prefer this Duff to the anorexic one she has been known to slink to every once in a while.
There was a short time when I did not mind Tila Tequila. I was actually a small bit attracted to her.
But then came 14 seconds later, when Tila could not help but become a trashy super-diva. The mere presence of her photo on my computer forces me to administer Valtrex to my desktop.
Here is Kendra pre-baby bump. This is the calm before the pregnancy storm.
Here is Kendra, the pregnant version. Damn, she still pulls it off. I can't say the same about my beer belly. That thing keeps me from partaking in summer day activities like walking on the beach.
There was a time when Jackie Christie was a pleasant looking individual. It is most likely around the same time as she started to lose her mind.
Here is Jackie in 2010. She is still the same old crazy WAG that would follow her husband on road trips. Now she just has some extra baggage to carry around.
By baggage I mean tummy.
It is times like these that I thank god for the Internet. You don't have to travel far to have one picture save your day.
Elisha has all the right stuff in this pre-2010 photo.
I am not sure who I want to blame for this, the NHL or Supercuts. Short hair looks good on a great number of women. The list, sadly, does not include Elisha.
This is Johnny Damon's wife. What can I say? Chicks dig the slap hit to left-center.
Michelle's looks are slowly going the way of her husband's career. Soon she will be batting seventh for the Royals.
If looks could hit, I mean.
Hot woman, check. Lingerie, check. Bed, check.
Yes, this has all the subtle nuances that make up a sexy photo. Especially due to the lovely Carmen Electra giving us all she has.
The Hollywood lifestyle may be catching up to Electra. She is still very beautiful but the signs of time are showing.
Take her face, for example. It should not resemble a catcher's mitt for a Troll doll.
There is the good Cameron Diaz. She has a little meat on her bones which makes her sexy a thousand times over.
Here she is after years in Hollywood starving herself. Please Cameron, have a burrito. The emaciated look is killing us all.
Tawny was the "it" girl. She seemed to be in every rock music video and appearing for good cause. The lady was smoking.
Then she went crazy. And as is the case most of the time, crazy is not a good look. The actress once hit her then-husband Chuck Finley. But at the time, who wasn't?
She then came under the spell of cocaine. It is safe to say the years have not been kind.
I know, hot right? It is almost too perfect. Her curves are where they need to be. She is youthful and vibrant. But then she was attacked by a massive Taco Bell craving that murdered hot Jessica Simpson in her sleep.
This is Jessica in 2010. If you love yourself some Jessica Simpson, you now have a whole lot more of her.
That is the good news. The bad news is those jeans are about to explode and take out the entire front three rows of fans.
Chad Ochocinco, I am sorry. Chad Johnson's lady, Evelyn, used to rock the skinny jeans like no other.
But she has gained a few in the poundage department. I ain't hating. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't tip the scales a little higher.
It seems almost tragic that Dennis Rodman was able to snag Madonna at her prime. Sure he was a great rebounder, but he was hardly the best in the game.
Then an MVP-caliber player like A-Rod gets the older, broken-down Madonna. She was once a Ferrari. Now she is the equivalent of a '92 Toyota Corolla. She still drives well. There are just way too many miles and the grill is all messed up.
Mariah was a sultry diva with a body and voice that could make the gods weep with joy. She once dated Derek Jeter, giving her a lifetime WAG inclusion.
Now all she has is that voice, and 30 extra pounds. Make a note people, babies ruin everything. They tarnish airplane travel, diapers, benders and as it seems, Mariah Carey.