The 50 Most Spankable Booties in Sports
It is never alright to smack someone.
That is a mantra I have lived with since my days of being a young Romeo on the playgrounds of Southern California. But as I grew from a young Casanova into a well-maintained Adonis, I found that sometimes it's normal to give a love tap when it is completely warranted.
The next group of sports-world hotties are not only warranting a spanking, they are down-right mandating it. There is no other sane reaction when you gaze upon the positively preposterous posteriors of these fine young ladies.
As I am a gentleman and scholar, I will refrain from taking to these tushies with my good hand. But the motivation and desire remains strong.
Here are some fine looking booties that are in need of some spanking.
50. Michelle Waterson
I would spank at your own risk here. Waterson is a Thai Mixed Martial Artist. That means she knows how to spank back.
49. Anna Benson
It is so sad that Kris Benson retired. What other extremely mediocre pitcher are we not going to pay attention to now.
Well, good news. You can never retire from being hot. Here is Mrs. Benson looking for something to read.
48. Philadelphia Eagles Cheerleaders
Here, the Eagles cheer squad is on summer vacation. I only have two hands girls. Please, one at a time.
Wait, maybe all at once would be fun.
47. Gisele Bundchen
One of the hottest women on the planet also happens to have one of the finest rear ends in WAG-dom. There are a great many things I would enjoy doing in life. Spanking Gisele's booty is top-five.
Eating a Toyota Tundra sized burrito is the other, but no sour cream. If I find sour cream in my burrito I will shoot you in the nose.
46. Meagan Good
Here is Thomas Jones' girl. Word is he has plenty of time on his hands now that his team has been ousted.
That is not a bad thing when you are hanging out with Meagan.
45. Maria Sharapova
You know who has the keys to Sharapova Fun Land? Sasha Vujacic.
You know who now believes that there is no God? This guy writing.
44. Franziska Van Almsick
Franziska is a German swimmer. She picked the right career path. That thing can be used as a floatation device in an emergency.
43. Karina Smirnoff
Karina is a professional dancer and is engaged to Brad Penny. I guess she has a thing for pitchers who can't locate the strike zone.
42. Malia Jones
This would be an extremely difficult booty to spank and not grab. The instinctual need to cup this rear would be too great to resist.
You are killing me Malia. You are so killing me.
41. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders
I hate waiting in line, unless it is behind the entire Dallas Cowboys cheer squad. Sadly, this does not happen as often as you would think.
40. Natalie Gulbis
This makes the weekend golf excursions with the boys seem a little lame now, doesn't it?
Well, the solution is to print this picture and carry it in your wallet, right next to your dignity.
39. LaLa Vasquez
Carmelo Anthony's girl is TV personality LaLa. That is the exact sound I make when I take a look at her booty.
38. Gabrielle Union
I swear. Dwyane Wade gets everything he wants in life. It is just unfair the type of magic he pulls out of nowhere.
First LeBron, now Gabrielle? It is a vicious cycle that has me extremely jelly.
37. Lisa Dergan
Normally I would be caught off guard if someone were snapping photos when I showered. I guess Lisa and I are different animals.
She has the rear to prove it.
36. Leryn Franco
Leryn Franco walks hard and carries a big stick. She must—she is a javelin thrower.
She also possesses one of the best butts in the business.
35. Arianny Celeste
Her booty makes me feel like a unicorn just spit a rainbow in my mouth and it tasted like a Pixar movie. That's how good I feel, if that makes sense.
34. Gabrielle Reece
A little known fact is that Reece cannot resist a good wall. Get her the right lighting as well and she will be posing in front of that thing for days.
33. Jessica Simpson
The best friends of the American booty are the Daisy Duke shorts. Here is one of the hottest WAGs sporting them.
32. Gretchen Bleiler
The only problem I have with snow boarding is that the garb covers up all the goods.
In the case of Shaun White, I am okay with it.
31. Torrie Wilson
The world of professional wrestling is famous for doling out beauty after beauty. Wilson is famous for providing proof that there is good in the world...
...it resides around her booty.
30. Francesca Piccinini
I have a fun little drinking game. Watch one of Francesca's games on TV. Then take a drink every time you mutter the phrase, "I love this game."
You may want to hide your keys.
29. Lisa Guerrero
You know what this NFL postseason is missing?
Do you know what my favorite part about her is? Yes, her butt. Okay, and personality.
She has a fine personality, blah, blah, blah.
28. Amy Acuff
Amy Acuff is a high jumper. I have no idea what this sport entails.
I can only imagine it doesn't hurt to have a super-fine backside.
27. Julia Mancuso
I only wish I had more hand to spank that bottom. Mancuso is one part of the ongoing debate: Which skier is hotter, Mancuso or Lindsey Vonn?
26. Megan Abubo
It is always a good thing when a surfer also packs some stuff in the trunk. It just helps their bikini uniform they wear all day.
By helps, I mean it helps me get a good look at them.
25. Brooklyn Decker
What this photo is doing on the Internet and not in a museum of art I will never know. If you need a picture of perfection, this would be it.
24. Milene Domingues
The former soccer player's bum is a beaut. It is also utilitarian. It makes for a perfect place to place your beer if needed.
That, or you can even do your taxes on that thing.
23. Stacy Keibler
It is a good thing we are only counting the badonka-donks in this article. We could spend hours on the best parts of Stacy.
22. Anna Kournikova
I have to say, walking away is a very good look for Anna Kournikova.
So is not playing tennis. Both are very good decisions for the young retiree.
21. Laker Girls
Yes, there are entirely too many butts that need spanking here, but that is what we in the business like to call a good problem.
20. Laisa Andrioli
I once got spanked growing up for breaking a vase. Andrioli deserves the same type of treatment for destroying my plans for the day.
If you need me, I'll be perusing this picture for a few hours.
19. Anna Rawson
Something tells me that is going to make for a challenging par-four.
Rawson has the goods. Those goods need a good swift spanking.
18. Zaira Nara
Here is Diego Forlan's girl, Zaira. It took me 15 minutes before I realized she had a head.
17. Bia and Branca Feres
If you think this is awkward, you should see their family reunions. I really must get on down to Brazil, the land of milk and honey...and fine tushies.
16. Stephanie Rice
This is Australian swimmer Stephanie Rice getting out of the pool.
Quick, someone spank her. She has been a very bad swimmer.
15. Brazil Beach Volleyball
I feel like the moment I step out of a plane in Brazil, I will be greeted by millions of women with ridiculous ass-sets.
I don't find any fault to my logic.
Even Brazilian women can't resist spanking one another.
14. Misty May-Treanor
That there would be the best booty in volleyball, unless of course I come out of retirement. You can't see Misty's face here, but I will go ahead and assume she has one.
13. Allison Stokke
Spankable Booty - n. A cute little tushy that is so ridiculously amazing as to evoke emotions of spanking. sentence: Allison Stokke has a spankable booty.
12. Mayra Veronica
Reggie Bush went from Kim Kardashian to Mayra Veronica. It is plain to see what he finds attractive in women.
11. Juliana Veloso
At this point, we could probably take any woman from Brazil and assume that she has an amazing butt.
I just can't take it anymore. Doesn't this country export anything other than dope rumps?
10. Adriana Lima
There is no way to properly appreciate this booty other than giving it a good ol' fashioned spanking.
I guess you could also send it an Amazon gift card as well. However you show your appreciation, I am fine with it.
9. Minka Kelly
If any of you see a jaw lying around somewhere, it could be mine. It fell off some time after seeing this booty pic.
8. Ana Ivanovic
Right there is the cure for all of the world's troubles. Pass this pic around and watch the Earth turn into an oasis of glee.
7. Anna Semenovich
This is one day that I thank god for contact lenses. I will never forget the grandeur that is Anna's booty, and that is a very good thing.
6. Victoria Vanucci
I just had a vision of me running up to Victoria, slapping her on the booty and then running away giggling.
Somehow, that vision has made the week for me.
5. Lucimara Silva
The Brazilian Heptathlete should compete for best buns. She would get on the medal stand for sure.
4. Jennifer Lopez
The part owner of the Miami Dolphins also happens to have one of the most famous rear ends in the world. Under those pants is one of the wonders of the modern world.
3. Serena Williams
I was trying to think of places to vacation this year. I have narrowed it down to Aruba, Cancun and Serena's Booty.
I don't know if there is time to see all of Serena's booty in a week though.
2. Kim Kardashian
No duh. You knew she would be on this list.
Not only could you spank that booty, you could also buy some acreage, build a farm and then raise a family there.
1. Ines Sainz
Please do not cat-call Ines. She is trying to evoke an image of a strong, competent sideline reporter.
Can't you tell by the jeans that are spray painted on here?
I'm not complaining though.
Honorable Mention: Danica Patrick
Alright, Danica. I have enough time to give you a quick spanking. But after that I must really be moving on.
Time is short and there are a whole lot of booties to go.
Honorable Mention: Karina Petroni
The more I think about it, the more mad I get that I never learned to surf.
I have come to the realization that this world is filled with gorgeous women just floating out at sea, waiting to be rescued.
Honorable Mention: Logan Tom
If you are keeping score at home, that is volleyball players one, and my ability to think clearly, zero. She even has the hottest name in the biz.
Honorable Mention: Kerri Walsh
I think I need to step out of the box for a second and state that Kerri Walsh, while having a very spank-able booty, deserves more recognition for its pinch-ability.
There, I will get off my soapbox now.
Honorable Mention: Erica Hosseini
Erica is renowned to make men miss a perfectly good sunset. Not even the majesty of a setting sun can take our eyes off of her.
Honorable Mention: Amanda Beard
This is not quantity, but quality, folks.
That there is a gold-medal booty if I ever saw one.