Super Bowl Prop Bets 2011: 15 Bets You Won’t Find In Vegas
Super Bowl prop bets are fun, aren’t they?
Running the gamut from the sexually suggestive to the annoyingly petty, they are one of the many reasons we live for Super Bowl Sunday. The apple of any gambling addict’s eye, they are also a way in which the football novice can stay invested in the outcome.
After all, what fun is watching the game without a little cash riding on the exact duration of the National Anthem?
In that vein, here are some notable prop bets to use on Feb. 6 while you’re taking in the Packers-Steelers game. And, if you must, feel free to use some, but do so at your own financial discretion.
Ben Roethlisberger switches glove color at the half
By now, we’ve all become accustomed to Big Ben’s black hand-wear, which he’ll more than likely don for the Super Bowl despite the favorable climate inside Cowboys Stadium.
But what if things don’t go according to plan in the first half? Will he switch things up? How about opting to go the white route? Or, at the very least, a change in visors, from that blah clear color to a tinted LT version or the reflective gold hue once worn by the late Shaun Taylor?
Odds: 10-1 — If Roethlisberger struggles during the first 30 minutes, look for a subtle change in wardrobe.
James Starks runs for two scores
Pittsburgh allowed five rushing touchdowns during the regular season. Five. That’s more than five times fewer than the Denver Broncos, who surrendered 26. The rookie Starks has been an X-factor in Green Bay’s postseason success, but few backs have been able to crack the Steelers' run defense machismo.
Matthew McConaughey roams the sideline shirtless
It’s not exactly playing the bongos naked, but it’s about the next best thing for an egomaniac like McConaughey, who is all over a primetime sporting event in the state of Texas like flies on feces.
Actually, before settling on the whole shirtless thing, I wanted to wager on whether there would be enough clearance between McConaughey’s inflated cranium and the world’s largest videoboard, but that seemed kind of, you know, mean-spirited.
Troy Polamalu picks off two passes
This may be the safest bet of all. The Steelers have one of the more intimidating defensive lines in football, and will give Aaron Rodgers his fair share of headaches.
It will be interesting to see if Pittsburgh’s corners and safeties can get physical with Green Bay’s corps of receivers, but Polamalu seems to be good for at least one impactful play per game.
If he makes two such plays, the Steelers will be hoisting their seventh Lombardi Trophy.
Go Daddy runs an ad littered with close-ups of breasts
The first thing(s) I think about when I debate which domain name provider to go with is breasts, in particular those of Candice Michelle and Danica Patrick. At least that’s how Go Daddy wants us to begin our decision-making process.
An industry leader, Go Daddy has done well for itself by selling sex, but the act seems to be getting old. Make fun if you must, but I’d rather see the talking E-Trade baby.
Aaron Rodgers throws for 250 yards
Rodgers has been dominant at times in January, completing more than 70 percent of his passes and throwing for six touchdowns and nearly 800 yards in three games. And I would be remiss in failing to mention that all-world performance against the Falcons.
And as good as the Steelers are against the run, they can be thrown on. Pittsburgh allowed 214 yards through the air during the regular season, ranking a modest 12th in the league.
I like Rodgers in this scenario.
Andy Dick cage-dances blitzed on vodka and fear
OK, so they’re not really cages, but designated sections high above the Jerry World end zones are fitted with some sort of stripper-like platform. It’s irrelevance at its finest, which has always been the mantra of Mr. Dick, whose stupidity and awkwardness know no bounds.
The odds on this one are good for now, but may become increasingly poor once Cowboy cheerleaders begin filing restraining orders against Dick after some suspect behavior at a number of parties during Super Bowl week.
Your party will be ruined by the token drunk guy
You all know who I’m talking about. He’s a friend of a friend, and you can sense he’s trouble the second he walks in your door. At first, he seems cool, making small talk despite his social anxiety. But three quarters and seven or more beers later, you fears are realized.
Just when the game is getting good, this jackass flips on the switch to all-out self-destruction mode, using walls to hold himself up, talking to your plants, urinating in every crevice of the bathroom but the toilet, and creeping out every female patron.
Worst yet, when the Packers score the go-ahead touchdown, you miss it because Mr. Suave is lying face-up in his own vomit and you have to revive him for fear of some sort of ass-backwards lawsuit.
Rashard Mendenhall breaks a run of 30 or more yards
The Packers can be had on the ground. Chicago’s Matt Forte found holes at times on Sunday, running for 70 yards on 17 carries, and Mendenhall has rapidly become one of the league’s premiere backs.
During the regular season, Mendenhall ripped off 11 runs that covered 20 yards or more, the fifth-highest total in the NFL. Expect Pittsburgh, in an attempt to negate the Green Bay pass rush, to pound Mendenhall early and often, which will only increase his chances of breaking a long one late in the game.
Fergie Ferg and Will I Am dry-hump during rendition of “Time Of My Life”
The crew from Black Eyed Peas has never been one for subtly, so don’t expect any G-rated material when they take the halftime show stage for the year’s most-watched television event.
Fergie will be covered from head to toe in something tighter than skin, while frontman Will I Am will be as weird as always. And much to our disgust, the two will engage in some TV-safe symbiotic act during the group’s grotesquely sampled rendition of the “Dirty Dancing” soundtrack classic.
Over/under on the number of Hot N’ Ready pizzas Little Caesars hands out
You know the drill: Walk into a local Little Caesars. Grab said Hot N’ Ready pizza.
It’s a thing of beauty being able to walk into a pizza place, hand a person five dollars, and walk out with a piping hot meal, all in a matter of 30 seconds. And what better time to take advantage than Super Bowl Sunday, the one day per year when no one worries about high cholesterol or saturated fats?
I can only ballpark how many Hot N’ Ready demands Little Caesars will fulfill on Feb. 6, but an uneducated guess would be around one pizza for every man, woman, and child in America.
Over/under: 375,000,000 pizzas
Number of times Chris Myers-Pam Oliver duo will give utterly meaningless report
Sideline reporting is somewhat of an art form, to which Myers and Oliver will take a huge machete during the Super Bowl. Equally inept, the two will fill slots of otherwise dead air by giving us up-to-the-second reports on matters they feel are really important but we know are totally not.
Watching these two fine specimen will make you want to reach for the bottle of Jack, but do yourself a favor and stay sober long enough to enjoy those rare times when Myers and Oliver report their findings back-to-back, which is like having your nose hairs and fingernails ripped out simultaneously.
Chances best TV ad will somehow involve Betty White and/or a talking monkey
If the best Super Bowl commercial of the night doesn’t feature the exuberant 89-year-old, it damn well better include an animal that talks. Or, at the risk of sounding too greedy, both would be fine.
White’s role in the recent Snickers spot was unforgettable, and you can never go wrong with a sassy primate that shoots from the hip while promoting a product we’ve never heard of.
This scenario is almost an inevitability, but it could all get shot to hell by Bud Light, whose odds of finding one smash hit amongst the 1,000 ads Anheuser-Busch will run during the game are pretty solid.
Odds that the Monday after will not go well
Being hungover the Monday after the Super Bowl is unpreventable. Luckily, because everyone else in your office spent the previous evening doing the exact same thing, they're all just as worse off for the wear as you.
Productivity slows to a halt. When you're not fast-walking for the bathroom, you're burping up Natural Light and guacamole. But the crux of it all involves your boss, who, despite sending out a memo last week detailing the repercussions of drinking too much during the Super Bowl, is noticeably absent.
Where was he at for the game? Why, at your house, of course, where he even managed to warn you one last time about missing work as he stumbled down your driveway.
Oh yeah, the actual game
At this extremely premature stage, Vegas odds makers have made the Packers two-point favorites. The over and under stands at 45. Though that spread is unlikely to go any higher than three, I can see it sinking back down to even by the time the 6th rolls around.
Both of these teams are playing solid defense, and when you mix that element with the natural anxiety that may plague both offenses early in the game, that over/under number might be too high.
That said — and I reserve the right to change my mind — as of this moment, I’m taking the Packers to cover. And give me the under.