New Jersey Nets: Top 10 Ideas for a New Team Nickname in Brooklyn
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Who remembers the New York Americans?
I doubt anyone does. I doubt anyone knows that the New York Americans is a basketball franchise that eventually became the New Jersey Nets.
(According to Wikipedia), the franchise was established in 1967, from the teams inception and until 1976 the team moved back and forth between New York and New Jersey. Accordingly, the team went through a few name changes. From New York Americans, to New Jersey Americans, the New York Nets and then, finally, the New Jersey Nets.
During the team's stay in New York, the Nets was chosen in order to rhyme with two other New York Metropolitan teams: Jets and Mets. And it remained unchanged when the franchise moved to New Jersey.
I don’t mean to sound unpatriotic, but the Americans wasn't a great name for a team. It's like a team from Montreal calling themselves Canadians. Wait, there is a team from Montreal that call themselves Canadiens. How representative is that of your team when everyone in the country is Canadian? Along the same lines, I don’t like the Washington Nationals, either.
Now that the franchise has been bought by the Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, who intends to move the team to Brooklyn in 2012, will the Nets stay the Nets once they cross Verrazano Bridge?
10. Brooklyn Fuhgeddaboudit
Photo: Daniel Schwen
If you drive on one of Brooklyn’s highways: BQE, Belt Parkway or the Gowanus Expressway then you’re bound to see one of the Fuhgeddaboudit signs that signal that you are about to leave Brooklyn.
Fuhgeddaboudit would sure make for one hell of a team name. Plus, the Italian community is going to love this. But the game commentators are going to go nuts over this one. Imagine them trying to work “Fuhgeddaboudit” into play-by-play commentary and saying it smoothly, or trying to say it smoothly. You can Fuhgeddaboudit.
9. Brooklyn Matryoshkas
(Sergiev Posad Museum of Toys, Russia)
In honor of Mikhail Prokhorov’s Russian heritage I propose that the Nets change their name to Matryoshkas, the Russian novelty nested doll.
By renaming the team Matryoshkas the Nets are setting themselves up for a myriad of mascots. And actually I mean myriad. Since the dolls are nested within one another, I propose that for the pre-game show the management finds a way to bring out about fifteen Matryoshkas mascots from inside one doll. Kind of like a Volkswagen Beetle that is somehow filled with 20 people.
8. Brooklyn Billions
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Mikhail Prokhorov has tons of money. Billions to be exact. So why not rename the team for the stuff that he has tons of?
Billions of dollars.
As for the mascot, I propose the dollar sign, and maybe Jay-Z can tie that into his music video. If not the dollar sign, then a $100 dollar bill, but big enough that it has to be operated by three people.
Watch out N.B.A., the Brooklyn Billions are coming!
Plus, Beyonce can lead the cheerleading squad.
7. Brooklyn Bridge
(Publications International, Ltd.)
The Brooklyn Bridge is probably the most famous Brooklyn landmark; however, "Bridge" doesn't really inspire a lot of enthusiasm. Plus, there is already a team with a bridge on their logo. I'm looking at you, Golden State Warriors.
So unless the team management has creative problems coming up with a better name, then Brooklynites are in trouble.
6. Brooklyn Knights
I got this name from an article that I had read a few weeks ago. It sounded like a good idea, a play on the word Brooklynites. Too bad that there is already a team in Brooklyn called the Knights of the Premier Development League, the amateur league of United Soccer League (USL).
Besides, who would want to be reminded of the Medieval Times?
5. Brooklyn Deckers
(Walter Iooss Jr.)
And I’m not talking about Double Decker busses.
Tony Reali, host of ESPN's Around the Horn, came up with this one.
Mikhail Prokhorov could open up his pockets a little and get Brooklyn Decker to agree to use her name and likeness.
Now let’s talk about 100 percent male sell out numbers for all of the Deckers’ games once Brooklyn Decker becomes the team’s mascot.
I think Brooklyn is the reason that Andy Roddick doesn't win many tennis tournaments.
4. Brooklyn Nyets
I think that the Nyets (translated as the No’s) would be a great name if just for the sole reason that the players would have to be mandated to yell “Nyet!” after each and every block.
If now only Dikembe Mutombo can be coaxed out of retirement so that he could do his patented finger wag.
Not in my house! [My best Mutombo impersonation]
3. Brooklyn Kings
Brooklyn has the same boundary as the Kings County, so Brooklyn Kings would be the best possible name for Brooklyn’s new team, except there is already a team named Kings in the NBA. There is also a team in Brooklyn that is named the Kings as well, The Brooklyn Kings of the now inactive USBL.
Here are my proposed franchise name trades:
- Los Angeles Lakers give back their name to Minnesota and instead become the Los Angeles Showtime
- Minnesota could keep their franchise name the Timberwolves or trade their rights to the “Lakers” to an expansion team that is in the vicinity of the Great Lakes
- Utah Jazz must relinquish their name to New Orleans and rename themselves the Utah Mormons. Just kidding. Just name itself something appropriate.
- New Orleans is in turn required to trade “Hornets” back to Charlotte and in turn could receive player compensation.
2. Brooklyn Alloys
Mario Tama/Getty Images
At first glance, the Alloys has nothing to do with Brooklyn, but as much as New York is a melting pot of immigrant cultures and various nationalities, Brooklyn is its own cultural mix.
In a microcosm of New York's melting pot mentality, Brooklyn Alloys can be a representation of cultural convergence.
1. Brooklyn Possums
You might not think of possums as animals that instill fear, but believe me that an animal that looks somewhat sweet and cuddly can turn wild and aggressive in less then a second.
What does it have to do with Brooklyn?
I can't say that Brooklyn is the cleanest borough, and this is why you can often find a possums rummaging through garbage. I found this to be the case on several occasions when I came within a few feet of this animal that looks like a rat on steroids.
And this is why teams have to be aware when they come to Brooklyn that the Possums, no matter how harmless they might look, are less then a second away from turning into a ferocious opponents.
Also I think it would be cool to hear commentators say, "It looks like Brooklyn is playing possum."