The 2010 Fantasy Football season is officially over unless you play in a warped league filled with uninteresting lame ducks that are still trying to make trades two weeks into the NFL playoffs. But let's face it, if you are one of the people I mentioned above, then this article isn't for you anyway and you should just move back into your cubicle until further notice.
For those of us on the level, how about a little bit of 2011 fantasy football talk as a way to fill in the time between the Patriots' next Super Bowl victory and a possible lockout?
What else do we have to do, honestly? I am a Saints fan so I am free until April.
Anyone can take a guess at who will be better, worse, or just plain awesome in 2011 but I have decided to look at what would happen if the NFL, players and coaches, had their own fantasy football league.
The first thing we should do is establish a league, much like they did in 1983 with the USFL, only this time we will not try and compete with the NFL.
The NFL league will consist of 12 teams. It will be a standard points per reception league using basic scoring from ESPN's fantasy football default scoring.
But who would be involved?
Of the 12 teams, three are head coaches, two legends, and the other seven are a mix of players, current and free agents. The league consists of the following teams, with their fantasy team name included:
Sean Payton - Head Coach, New Orleans Saints, Ambush4life
Pete Carroll - Head Coach, Seattle Seahawks, Seagullslover
Bill Belichick - Head Coach, New England Patriots, What is this?
Terry Bradshaw - Hall of Fame QB, Pittsburgh Steelers, StillLonesomeNcrying
Dan Marino - Hall of Fame QB, Miami Dolphins, 1moretry
Chris Johnson - RB, Tennessee Titans, SpallingBchamp
Antonio Cromartie - CB, New York Jets, Bradyisagirl
Albert Haynesworth - DT, Washington Redskins, GetnPaid4real
Tom Brady - QB, New England Patriots, UtalkIwin
Ray Lewis - MLB, Baltimore Ravens, OldSpicinit
Jamarcus Russell - QB, Free Agent, Wastedtalent1234
Andre Johnson - WR, Houston Texans, silentassassin80
Now that we know the teams and players, let's dive into the world of imagination and pretend this league went on to play the 2011 fantasy football season:
The live draft was held in Hawaii during the off-season and to spare you the details of the leagues draft board, I will summarize the key parts of the live draft:
- Tom Brady did not bring Gisele, despite the rumors that she would be attending with him.
- Terry Bradshaw did bring Jillian Barberie, even though no one asked. He still told everyone she was coming.
- As soon as the draft order was decided, Bill Belichick tried to trade his second, third and eighth round picks for a first rounder.
The draft order went as follows: Marino, AJ, Cromartie, Brady, Payton, Russell, Belichick, Bradshaw, Carroll, Lewis, CJ2K, Haynesworth.
- Albert Haynesworth found out he was the last pick in the first round and headed back to his hotel room. Pete Carroll followed him and convinced him to return but when he got back into the draft room, it had already begun. Albert got mad and then left for good. Brady pointed and laughed.
- Dan Marino used his first pick to take himself and he was told that he could not draft someone that is not even playing. He then dropped a bombshell and told everyone he had signed with the Buffalo Bills for one last chance at a Super Bowl.
- Sean Payton only drafted Saints players, Belichick did the same with his Patriots, but Pete Carroll went old school and drafted only players he once paid at USC (Reggie Bush, Matt Cassel, Mike Williams, etc.).
- Antonio Cromartie played defensively, drafting in front of Brady. He went after any player he thought Brady was going to take by looking at Tom Brady's draft cheat-sheet every round. Tom Brady plays for the Patriots so he knows how to cheat, so he made multiple fake lists prior to the draft. Cromartie ended up taking Tiki Barber in the first round.
- Terry Bradshaw was too busy hitting on the waitress to even draft a team. He had his manager do it for him, telling him who to take on his turn.
- JaMarcus Russell disappeared for awhile and came back to the room with his eyes bloodshot and this huge smile on his face. He took Sidney Crosby with his third pick. No one knows why but JR thought it was the funniest thing he had ever done.
- Ray Lewis kept talking about Old Spice.
- Chris Johnson was asking around to see who everyone else was drafting. They kept telling him to take Vince Young but he fired back, "Young is outtie 5,000 brah, it is B-Rad Ford time in the Music City!" He then drafted Sam Bradford, thinking the Titans would draft him in the NFL draft. He was disappointed when he found out that Sam Bradford was already in the NFL.
Did I forget to mention the commissioner of the league was Roger Goodell? Well, I think I forgot but he just emailed me and told me to make sure I remind everyone who is in charge.
Now that the draft was over and the teams were set, the season began. Unlike the real world, these lineups had to be locked in the day prior to gameday due to the NFL's social networking ban before and after games. So all the teams had to be set before gameday except for Jamarcus Russell's team, for obvious reasons.
The year went well and there was only a few problems to mention:
- Tom Brady forgot to set his lineup during Week 9 because he had a Monday night game against the Jets. He called Roger Goodell and asked him to allow him to fix it, and he was granted the permission to update his roster.
- A week later, Ray Lewis had the same problem but Goodell said no.
- In Week 15, the championship game between Sean Payton and Albert Haynesworth took place. Yes, Big Al made it to the championship even with his team set to auto draft. He had lots of downtime during the season, not sure why, and made plenty of good moves to build a championship-caliber roster. Sean Payton, on the other hand, used his team like he did in real life: he made sure everyone got a piece of the action.
The Saints' final game of the season was meaningless after already clinching a playoff spot, but Sean Payton, knowing he called the plays that could win him his league, left in all his starters to match his fantasy roster.
Coach Payton used as many passing plays to three different receivers and his tight end, Jimmy Graham, until the final score was 49-34, in favor of the Saints. He knew he had won, it was almost a lock now. He went home to check his team and saw that he was winning but Big Al had two players left to play Sunday night, Michael Vick and DeSean Jackson.
Big Al got the call to suit up for the game that night and he was thrilled. He had the same chance as Sean Payton did; he controlled his own destiny. So he missed tackles, played dead on the field, and even tackled his own player forcing a fumble to in the league.
I guess that is why he laid down on that Monday Night game against the Eagles this past year.
The league ended with a trophy presentation on CNBC. No one showed up except for Terry Bradshaw. He thought he won.