As 2008 begins, and everyone gets a fresh start, here are some New Year's resolutions that should have been made last year:
1. The New York Jets: Don’t piss off the Patriots. The rest of the NFL would appreciate it.
2. Bobby Petrino: Look up "respect" in the dictionary, and treat your players with some. Not only did Petrino abandon his team during the middle of the season, the Falcons heard about their head coach's departure at a University of Arkansas press conference announcing his acceptance of his new position.
If your goal was to demonstrate how not to be a man, you did a splendid job
3. NFL Owners: Stop giving huge deals to college coaches!
4. Barry Bonds: Be honest, or at least, nice. If people think you’re lying about something, acting like a jerk isn’t going to make you sound any more believable.
5. Scott Boras: Quit. Demanding millions of dollars for prospects out of college and high school—so that some of the best players are unaffordable for the teams that need them—ruins the draft and further handicaps the small market teams.
Not to mention your ill-advised announcement that A-Rod has opted out of his deal with the Yankees during the final game of the World Series. This action was probably among the worst PR moves for an individual in the history of the game. Real classy.
6. Kevin McHale: Quit. As of December 30, 2007: Timberwolves (4-26), Celtics (26-3).
7. Isiah Thomas: Quit. Knicks (8-21). Plus your boss just had to cough up another $11.6 million because you are about as smooth as John Rocker.
8. Tony Romo: Don’t stop enjoying the ladies, but leave them at home on game days.
9. Anyone trying to beat the Suns: Hit Steve Nash in the nose, groin, or any other sensitive area until he can’t see and/or stand up.
10. Anthony Smith: Please, just shut up. Trust me, no one is looking to a backup safety, who’s only playing because of an injury, to make a bold guarantee about beating an undefeated team; especially one that’s known for using "bulletin board material" as extra motivation.
Also, if you make any guarantees like that in the future, try avoid getting beaten like you stole something on game day.
11. George Mitchell: Tell us something we didn’t already know. If anyone was shocked by Roger Clemens reportedly taking Winstrol, then they really haven’t been paying attention to the old man who is dominating well into his 40s. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is—remember McGwire and Sosa?
On a related note: Bobby Estalella and Jack Cust did it too?
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