after the new york mets have started to perform better under new manager Jerry Manuel, former mets manager Willie Randolph has attributed his retarted nature and completely screwed up personality as to why the mets were so bad under him.
'dude i'm sorry, i'm just a screwed up, f-dup guy. you try to get inside my head, all i think about is hipster rap music and my girl with her big ol titties. damn she fine!' said Randolph. Responding to Randolph's comments, Mets owner Fred Wilpon angrily said, 'damn, after hearing this stupid pile of BS from my former main man willie, it's obvious no one will ever hire this mother f-er again. You would have to be so retarted- kinda like Ed Wade- to hire this Willie guy. if you're wondering why we hired willie in the first place, it's because during the interview we had with him, all the club officials, including me, we really high. i mean damn, we were baked! next time, i'm gonna make sure i lay off the pipe dude. Damn i really f-dup. in 2006 if we had someone with half a brain, maybe speedy gonzales, manuel noriega, dennis martinez, robinson cancel, douchey mcdouchebag- the list goes on and on- we would of gone to the WS and beatin to f-ers down in Detroit- hands down, no questions asked. we were the best team that year, and the reason why we didn't win the WS is because i just made a really dumb mistake. i mean it's just remarkable that i'm still here- i should of been fired as owner maybe like 4 or 5 years ago- man this s**t is wack yo'.
Jerry Manuel was happy to report that yes, he does have more of a brain than Willie ever had, and he said the mets would probably have like 130, 140 wins by now if he were their manager the whole year.
When willie was asked what he would of liked to do differently managerial-wise, when looking back on his tenure, willie said, 's**t dude. i screwed up basically everything. maybe i should of taken more of that anti-retarted antidote more, that would of helped me cuz dayum, i just screwed up in so many facets of the game of baseball. the baseball gods are probably looking at me as the stupidest person to be associated with baseball since... well it's not bug selig... it's not lou piniella- although i do like his base throwing ability... well who owns the tigers this year? cuz dayum that team was supposed to win like a thousand, million, trillion games and they've won what? like 30 games this year? the tigers better be prepared to win a little bit more next year dude, it's just as simple as 1-2-eleventeen- or what's that number after 2? dayum i'm just f-dup. i'm gonna go home now and bake my wife- i mean chicken! sorry i'm not that stupid... or am I?'
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