The following is an excerpt from my exclusive interview with Juatta Morron, the man pushing to extend BCS championship protocol beyond the realm of college football...
JT: You not only LIKE the BCS system, you think it should be applied to other events?
Morron: Oh, most definitely. See, people enjoy controversy, and arguing over the various injustices of the BCS adds to that, like salsa on a taco.
JT: So, because it's stupid and upsets everyone...that's a good thing?
Morron: Yes, I call it the Rosie O'Donnell Method. Anyway, these college athletes aren't getting paid. It's unfair to ask them to play extra games.
JT: I don't think there's a kid in college football who doesn't support a playoff; it would give the athletes a chance to market themselves nationally, maybe attract pro interest. That's hardly exploitation. I mean, dude, the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament is a beloved part of modern American life.
Morron: I'm not so sure about that. It leaves a lot to be desired. Sure, March Madness is wildly popular, has high ratings, makes millions, promotes the sport, and has an unblemished history of thrilling finishes...but so what?
Here's how I'd handle it: Right now, North Carolina would play the third-best team in the SEC, and if the Tar Heels managed to win, they'd be the national champion. Or maybe the winner of another game, say Memphis versus the second Pac-10 team who was refused by one of the sub-tournaments, might claim they were better and got cheated and so forth. Nothing would be clear-cut. Wouldn't that be more fun?
JT: Um, in a word, no. You even want to convert professional golf to the BCS system?
Morron: Absolutely. You'd take the winners of several important holes and have them meet later in the year. Whoever did something on a certain day would win, like Tiger teeing off while hopping on one foot, or Rory Sabbatini playing with a putter stuck in his hoo-ha. It could change from year to year. Total hoot!
JT: I'm confused...
Morron: THAT'S the beauty of it. It works in real life, too. Instead of proposing to the woman you love, you'd have to choose from some other chicks you weren't that attracted to, because that way there'd be controversy, which would zing up the marriage, nowhaI'msayin?
(Here he holds up a hand for a high-five, which I pretend not to notice.)
Or your 401K, that could always be "up in the air"...makes for an interesting retirement, huh?
Suddenly, several large men came in and dragged Mr. Morron away.
"You're not done with me," he screamed, "I still control college football!"