This Is Why I Should Be President Of Earth

Kenneth Julian IIICorrespondent ISeptember 10, 2008

Move over Richard Nixon's head, there is a new head honcho in town. And you can tell the body of Spiro Agnew to calm down too.

Hello fans my name is Kenneth Julian III and the sports world, well the world at large looks like it needs a new leader. I am just the guy for the job. Why?

Well it's very simple my mother loves me, I have great friends, and well I pretend to be a doctor on TV besides I don't see anyone else jumping up to take the job.

So without further ado onward to why this world needs me.

Yes I know the penalty in the Washington game was a bad call. So what. The Huskies sat their and could not block BYU on the extra-point attempt. I mean if that is the reason you are upset then sure go ahead be upset. But I know Washington fans who are less upset about the penalty then some of these "media types".

Look for the record anyone who thinks that Oklahoma lost to Oregon in 2006 and Miami lost to Ohio State in 2003 because of bad officiating then you should not be allowed to have children. Just plain and simple.

Oklahoma gave up a touchdown after the penalty and then had their attempt at a game winning field goal blocked, it that is not making plays down the stretch I don't know what is.

And Miami, I am not even going to get into the TWO fourth down conversions Ohio St made during the infamous drive, or the fact that Miami could have stopped them on that drive. But in the next OT Miami did not stop O-State again. And then had a chance to score themselves and could not. Where did a penalty have anything to do with Miami losing?

The only fans who I will give some sympathy to (and I cannot believe I am doing this) are Notre Dame fans, and subsequently Georgia Tech fans, for having to tie for the National Championship with Colorado.

But even in that great Orange Bowl in 1991 Notre Dame still had a final play, granted it was a Hail Mary that works well under 40 percent of the time.

But alas college football did not have the only benchmark of idiocy. You can believe that everyone who was holding their collective breath (New England and women across the country) when Tom Brady went down, might have been damn near crying when they found out he was out for the season.

Watching ESPN that day was as if he had retired, and that the Patriots only hope of getting to five wins rested on Tom Brady. You know I think we give the QB a little too much credit.

That New England team is stacked, and all Matt Cassel has to do is not lose the football game, kind of like the 2001 Ravens Championship team. Or even the 2007 Giants team. Think about it, Eli Manning did not set the world on fire that season, and just did a decent job of staying within the system, and making a few plays here and there.

When you have a good team, everyone plays their part. Remember the Pats still have some of the best offensive talent in the league and the defense is not that bad. So they can make the playoffs.

Speaking of the NFL, why is Matt Millen still the president of the Lions? Haven't they fired every other position at least once? Who knows maybe the Lions just need to change their colors or something, maybe that will get them off the run of bad luck (or play).

The college football world is all a buzz about this OSU/USC tilt, if we learn anything from history (which is a resounding NO), then this game will be a snooze fest. I mean think of the last time other than the 2005 Rose Bowl that a game with this much hype was a complete waste of time and TV space.

The games you need to watch for are the ones no one is really paying attention to (at least ESPN is not pumping).

So Lance Armstrong is making a comeback in 2009, how is he going to do that? (cough) And you know what will make for even juicier storylines for the French to hate us? Yeah Floyd Landis wants to make a comeback in '09.

This might be the most doped Tour since... well since Lance and Floyd were in it.

Well Ladies and Gentlefellows I must away for the presidency of all that is Earthy needs me. But before I go I will leave you with this head shaking moment of the week: "Please do not blow the whistle in the stands or there will be, uh … consequences.” from the referee at the Stanford/Arizona St. game.