He can use the gritty, ageless, and workout fiend Gary Roberts on his left wing, while Mark Recchi lines up on the right side, in hopes of forging another quality half-season like he did in Atlanta last year (40 points in 53 games). The great thing about this line is that Stamkos is less than half of the age of either one these guys, so it’s like two goats and a kid—get it? Kid? As in baby goat?—the reverse of what we saw a few years ago in Detroit.

Or Stamkos could line up with Adam Hall and Ryan Malone, and form the “two-thirds of this career mooched off Sidney Crosby’s success in some way” line—as Malone wouldn’t be getting his payday this offseason if he doesn’t play on Crosby’s wing, and Hall because, let’s face it, Crosby couldn’t be on the ice all the time.

Actually, all four of them are former Penguins, so any combination of those four could lead to the “We all came to Tampa from Pittsburgh because we wanted to meet Hulk Hogan” line.

Then you’ve got Vaclav “Call me Vinny and I only want to play in Philadelphia or Tampa Bay” Prospal who could be good for 50 to 65 points, and Brandon Bochenski, who could be good for a couple of quick goals.

But wait, I forgot about Michel Ouellet, who classifies as a carry-over from last year, and a former Penguin.

And Radim Vrbata, Wyatt Smith, and David Koci? You all may be involved in a fight to the death to determine who makes the team.

At this point in time, I’m way too confused to make a prediction on all of this. There’s too much going on.  Barry Melrose (I can’t believe I forgot about the mullet) is going to feel like he’s on "The Price is Right" with all of the different combinations of numbers he can go with this season.

I’d make a “Melrose Place” joke, and a reference to a possible reunion in light of the new "90210," but I’m not sure if I’m coherent enough any more. I’ve been trying to make sense of Tampa lineup for so long that—well, did you know that their Captaincy and General Manager positions are vacant?

Coherent thought left a long time ago when we’re talking about Tampa Bay.

Norris Trophy, anyone?

Speaking of defense—actually, no, the Lightning weren’t.

On a squad that should have been more concerned about addressing their ability to keep pucks out of the net over the offseason—they allowed the second-most goals in the NHL last season—the Lightning arguably got worse.

First of all, their stupendous decisions regarding the variety of forwards you just read about put them into cap trouble, and forced them to trade away Dan Boyle and Brad Lukowich.

Sure, they signed Boyle to a contract extension in November—but this is Tampa Bay, where we’ll do anything to make room to sign more forwards! Including dumping their freshly-signed top defenseman coming off of a freak wrist injury, who would help bring stability to a very young blue line, and a guy who isn’t terrible in his own zone and could have benefited from playing two straight years in the same place for the first time post-lockout.

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