The Top 50 Ugliest Players In World Football: From Tevez To Rooney To Many...
Football – we call it the ‘Beautiful Game’. Ironically, however, the players behind the ball aren’t all pretty men.
It’s common to hear off-the-pitch stories about footballers dating models or “hot babes” as we call them, but should that sound like a normal thing really? At some point, it’s as if money is all that counts for men to attract women into a relationship since a considerable number of players involved in WAGs gossip can definitely not boast of having good looks.
Just think about beauty and ex-Miss Universe Ghana Menaye Donkor and her alliances with the “wonderfully-built” Sulley Muntari. Now what about Carlos Tevez’s many flirts? The majority of the public would probably agree that the Argentine star is ugly… perhaps even too much. Well, let’s look at a list of football’s top 50 ugliest players around the globe.
Notice: the list is not classified in any particular order but it blends my personal picks with those taken from a few surveys. Any comments made in the article should be taken lightly as no offense is intended just as much as freedom of opinion and fun is its aim.
Are you ready to laugh, scream or hide your face in horror? Let’s go!
Peter Crouch: Tottenham Hotspur And England National Team Player
Check out for yourself how the guy cares about his looks off-the-pitch. Blue jeans, sun glasses, black jackets… these are all in Peter Crouch’s wardrobe. But has he ever thought of booking an appointment with a bodybuilding mentor?
Unbelievably, Crouch has got a fiancée (against whom he dared to cheat!). Her name is Abigail Clancy aka Abby and she is expected to give birth to a "little Crouch" - which, hopefully, will be a bit pretty unlike the father...
Dirk Kuyt: Liverpool And Netherlands National Team Player
Dirk Kuyt could have featured as a starring actor in a horror movie without having to be faked with too much make-up. You'll understand why the guy in the link below screams. What a bad night!
Mario Balotelli: Manchester City and Italy National Team Player
"If I was a president, I'd assure that everyone has enough to live a good life." "If I was a millionaire, I'd buy myself a private jet." "If I was an animal, I'd be a lion."
...A wish list can go on and on. On mine, I would add:
"If I was Mario Balotelli, I would behave and have decent haircuts!"
Honestly, does anyone find Mario Balotelli cute? You might be joking if the answer is, "yes"!
Gareth Bale: Tottenham Hotspur And Wales National Team Player
Well… I guess the picture tells it all. People who believe in Homo sapiens will just have more faith in their ideology through Gareth Bale.
Ronaldinho: AC Milan And Brazil National Team Player
Hey paparazzi, are you sure that Ronaldinho is an addicted party-animal lover?? I’ll never believed that until I get genuine proofs.
I mean, which girl in the world won’t be scared off by Ronaldinho's big smile? See how money can disgrace greedy ladies!
Michael Carrick: Manchester United And England National Team Player
That’s one of Manchester United’s many ugly players. Looks like Carrick needs a new haircut and a good body cream…
Taye Taiwo: Olympique Marseille And Nigeria National Team Player
Can someone give this guy quick treatment? Oh… and he may need some facial plastic surgery too!
Martin Skrtel: Liverpool And Slovakia National Team Player
I wonder how attackers do to challenge balls against Martin Skrtel. If I was a striker, I would always have bad games playing against Liverpool and Slovakia…
Louis Saha: Everton And France National Team Player
Saha, really, do you need us to tell you that such hair color doesn’t match with the tone of your skin? Some players really try to do the weirdest stuff. Amazingly, they aren’t ashamed of appearing in public!
Gary Neville: Manchester United Player
Mister Neville, how do you expect the public to react when you make such a face? Manchester United definitely don’t have pretty men in their team. But hey, congrats to Neville! He’s a dad of two girls and he’s got a wife – at the envy of some bachelors.
Bacary Sagna: Arsenal And France National Team Player
Now that’s unacceptable. Referees should be flashing yellow cards to all players who scares us off with their terrible blond hairstyle and ugliness.
Fabio Grosso: Juventus And Italy National Team Player
That was Fabio Grosso celebrating his 2006 World Cup semi-final extra-time goal against Germany with a big smile – at the disgust of the opposition. For neutrals, it was simply hilarious to see Grosso’s funny – if not ugly – face.
Michael Essien: Chelsea And Ghana National Team Player
I can't believe that Michael Essien is being chased by ladies - including one of Ghana's top actresses, Nadia Buari.
Essien has become the top model to advertize FanYogo (the most popular strawberry ice cream brand in Ghana). Since then, I know some people who have stopped buying FanYogo ice creams because of Essien's ugly lips and face.
Dymtro Chygrynskiy: Shakhtar Donetsk And Ukraine National Team Player
If this guy had told me that he spends more time in a jail cell than on the pitch, I wouldn’t hesitate to believe him. A pair of scissors for his hair and a quality razor for his beard would be nice for Dymtro.
Laryea Kingston: Vitesse And Ghana National Team Player
L. Kingston (left) is often compared to King Ayisoba (right) - a popular Ghanaian musician) and both men are considered to be very ugly.
But Laryea Kingston doesn't look like he is suffering from lack of self-confidence. He wears trendy stuff off-the-pitch and he's got bad attitudes as a professional according to reports.
Paul Scholes: Manchester United Player
Here's another Manchester United player who isn't quite pretty. If I was one of the many lads that Paul Scholes has ever injured, I'd tell him off right away!
No pity, there, Scholes. You're an ugly man, both on the pitch and in the mirror.
Arouna Kone: Sevilla And Ivory Coast Player
How many times do we have to tell African football stars not to go blond? When you are already ugly, choosing fancy hairstyles doesn't help at all.
Djibril Cisse: Panathinaikos And France National Team Player
What?? Looking at this picture, I thought I was in the hands of a monster. I won't advice anyone to mess up with Djibril Cisse.
Paul Terry: Darlington Player
Can you believe that John Terry's older brother, Paul Terry, had an affair with Dale Roberts' fiancée Lindsey Cowan?
On Tuesday, December 13, Dale Roberts was found dead in his apartment after having committed suicide. Just try comparing Rushden & Diamonds' Dale Roberts to Paul Terry.
Really, what pushed Lindsey Cowan to cheat on Roberts for Paul Terry? The late goalkeeper might have been asking himself this question too...
Steve Sidwell: Aston Villa Player
Steve Sidwell is not a pretty boy and he might have heard people repeating that he is ugly. But, whatever! The Aston Villa defender can boast about having two kids and a wonderful wife named Krystell.
But, by the way, how did he court her? Celibates would want a few tips for that, maybe...
Dani Alves: Barcelona And Brazil National Team Player
Dani Alves is super trendy: earrings, tattoos, jackets... But, really, is that what it takes to become pretty? Strangely, he's on many people's list of football's cutest stars!
Bastian Schweinsteiger: Bayern Munich And Germany National Team Player
OMG! Schweini needs some skin care products!
Gerald Asamoah: St. Pauli Player
Racists fans in Germany had mocked Gerald Asamoah and compared him to a gorilla.
Now put racism aside, as it surely doesn't make sense to be racist.
But, honestly, was the comparison really a bad one?
Rio Ferdinand: Manchester United And England National Team Player
Rio Ferdinand truly reminds me of Snoop Dog. The Manchester United defender is on many people's "most ugly players" list.
However, he is not on mine and it's only by popular demand that Ferdinand has made the cut.
Gervinho: Lille And Ivory Coast Player
What does Gervinho want to look like? From head to toe, that player is ugly. I can't stand the fact that he's got no hair on his forehead!
Carles Puyol: Barcelona And Spain National Team Player
Carles Puyol is a ladies' favorite for some and one of the ugliest creatures for others.
Will the Barcelona defender ever cut off his hair and stop screaming out loud on the pitch? Really, this doesn't help him win points in the eyes of those who find him terrible.
Jim Collins: Aston Villa And Wales National Team Player
I think I heard someone saying that James Collins was good-looking the other time. However, I'm pretty sure that most people out there think completely the opposite!
Marek Hamsik: Napoli And Slovakia National Team Player
Marek Hamsik looks like a bird. But it's okay, he's got a human partner and even a baby. Congrats to Hamsik. I'm just wondering how their family photo looks like...
Dominic Adiyiah: Reggina And Ghana National Team Player
Wow! Someone's got to tell Adiyiah to behave as a professional because he is an ugly lad. For those of you who don't know who this player is:
Dominic Adiyiah is the guy whose header was illegitimately saved by Luis Suarez's handball in the 2010 World Cup's Uruguay vs Ghana quarter-final match.
Didn't Suarez need some therapy after that incident? Imagine how it should feel to see Adiyiah's face in a nightmare at night. Terrible, I presume!
Filippo Inzaghi: AC Milan Player
Well, Filippo Inzaghi fans would probably be against the inclusion of the player in this list of the world's top 50 ugliest players.
The only message I can have for them is that it won't be long before Inzaghi's name gets removed from another article which will have the same topic in 1 or 2 years' time.
I heard that the Italian attacker might be forced to retire soon... Remember, this list excludes all retired players.
Mustapha Riga: From Ghana
No, it's impossible! You can't seat down for a photo shoot like that. If I was the photographer, I'd tell him:
"Sorry, Madam Riga... Oops, sorry Mister Riga. I think you need a bit of make-over before we shoot a picture."
Benjani Mwaruwari: Blackburn Rovers Player
Umm.. I think the picture speaks for itself.
Giuliano: Internacional And Brazil National Team Player
This guy reminds me of Ronaldinho. He is a great player, but he is not good-looking at all!
Andrey Arshavin: Arsenal And Russia National Team Player
Woo... It looks like something is hurting Arshavin so bad.
With this picture, the Russian could easily contest for the number one spot in this list of the world's top 50 ugly players.
Phil Neville: Everton And England National Team Player
Really, it won't make sense to have Manchester United's Gary Neville in the list without including his brother Phil Neville too.
Gary and Phil do look alike, but the funniest thing is that Phil Neville also looks quite like someone else: the Addam's Family butler, Lurch.
Isn't that terrifying?
Thierry Henry: New York Red Bulls Player
Maybe Thierry Henry needs to grow his hair a little bit... Just look at the final third of his face and the back of his head.
Mister Henry, I don't think you're good to be a model although you've got the height.
Massimo Ambrosini: AC Milan And Italy National Team
AC Milan don't have good-looking players...
Gilles Binya: Neuchatel Xamax And Cameroon National Team Player
It would be nice if team mates in football could be more helpful.
For example, Gilles Binya's Cameroonian and Neuchatel Xamax buddies could have advised the player to get a more decent hairstyle since he is not worth being attractive to the eyes of the public...
John Terry: Chelsea And England National Team Player
John Terry, why did you cheat on your wife (should the media be believed)?
And, who were those ladies with whom you cheated? Were they blind, for GOD'S SAKE?!
Jacob Mulenga: FC Utrecht And Zambia National Team Player
Mulenga is fast, sharp and he can score good goals from difficult angles too.
In general, I would say that he is entertaining as a striker, but certainly not as a fashion model!
Zlatan Ibrahimovic: AC Milan And Sweden National Team Player
Just look at his nose...
Samuel Eto'o: Inter Milan And Cameroon National Team Player
Well, I felt obliged to put Samuel Eto'o through popular request.
In truth, I really don't see how this player is ugly!
Wayne Rooney: Manchester United And England National Team Player
Would you have been proud to have a baby looking Wayne Rooney?
Oh, by the way, does Coleen have nightmares?
It must feel terrible to sleep just next to Roo...
Bafetimbi Gomis: Lyon And France National Team Player
He is probably the ugliest of all!! I hate seeing his face during Champions League matches!
Fat Ronaldo: Corinthians Player
I don't think he is that ugly, personally.
But, perhaps, his belly is what scares off people the most.
Carlos Tevez: Manchester City And Argentina National Team Player
I never realized how ugly Carlos Tevez was... until I saw this picture!
Frank Ribery: Bayern Munich And France National Team Player
Frank Ribery doesn't seem ashamed for being so ugly...
Can you believe that he has been involved in a number of "dirty stories"?
El Hadji Diouf: Blackburn Rovers Player
This article is extremely controversial. Now why not have the boss of controversies himself, El Hadji Diouf, included in the list?
(Note that Samir Nasri has been replaced by El Hadji Diouf in this slide)
Andy Carroll: Newcastle And England National Team Player
According to some people, this guy is super ugly.
The funny thing is that I think he's not far away from being cute! A bit of make-over will do for Carroll.
Sulley Ali Muntari: Inter Milan And Ghana National Team Player
I can't believe that one of football's most ugly lads has got one of the prettiest WAGs!
Don't Make Nightmares
That's all we've got for the world's top 50 ugliest footballers. Your comments will be welcomed! In the meantime, don't have nightmares, dudes!