For those not familiar with my picking style, I normally try to make a pay-per-view a realistic yet fantasy show. You can check them out below.
But I'm doing things differently. This will be just your run of the mill pay-per-view with no Cena heel turns and Rock/Stone Cold appearances.
"Your 2010 Tables, Ladders, and Chairs pay-per-view! Live from Houston!" Michael Cole yells out to the TV.
"I can't wait to see tonight! Miz going through a tab-!" Declares Jerry Lawler. He is cut off by the most annoying commentator in sports entertainment.
"No he's not! He's too awesome!" Yells Michael Cole to Jerry Lawler.
Matt Striker chimes in. "Michael, the Miz needed two people to help him beat a sixty year old."
With all three announcers settled down, the card is given a quick preview.
Dolph Ziggler (C) vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger in a triple threat ladder match for the Intercontinental Championship.
Natalya (C) and Beth Phoenix vs. Laycool in a tables tag team match.
Daniel Bryan (C) vs. Alex Riley for the United States Championship (I think this will be added last minute).
John Morrison vs. Sheamus in a ladder match to determine the number one contender for the WWE Championship.
John Cena vs. Wade Barrett in a chairs match.
Kane (C) vs. Edge vs. Rey Mysterio vs. Alberto Del Rio in a TLC Match for the World Heavyweight Championship.
Miz (C) vs. Randy Orton in a table's match for the WWE Championship.
Yes Dolph Ziggler is facing Kofi Kingston again for the Intercontinental Championship. How many times did they square off for this belt?
Fortunately Jack Swagger is finally in this pay-per-view. Unfortunately we get to see Vickie Guerrero in cougar clothing. And they wonder why ratings are going down.
What makes this interesting is the ladder stipulation. All three of these men have fairly good athleticism. Ziggler can climb a ladder. Kofi can steal the show. Swagger won the 2010 Wrestlemania Money in the Bank ladder match. It is suffice to say this match will be excellent.
There's going to be some spectacular spots. But in the end, Jack Swagger throws down Dolph Ziggler off a ladder via a gutwrench power bomb to pick up the win.
Winner (and new champion): Jack Swagger
After the match Vickie screams at Swagger because her man lost the IC belt to him. Kofi wisely gets out of there quickly.
Losing his temper, Swagger grabs a mic and tells Vickie to "shut up!" Then he comes to the ring and beats down on Dolph with the belt. Kelly Kelly randomly comes out and beats up Vickie.
These two become the All-American couple. This turns Jack Swagger into one of the top faces on Smackdown. I'm not kidding. A face turn would make him a much better superstar.
As for Jack-Kelly, It may seem stupid but Jack and Kelly would seem like that Barbie-Ken couple.
Daniel Bryan has made this belt prestigious. The Bella Twins just gave him some eye candy to keep him interesting. Alex Riley tries to steal the twins during a backstage segment.
Boom! We have a match! CM Punk joins the booth.
Mr. Money in the Bank vs. the United States Champion in a street fight. I completely made this match up.
This match makes sense because these two already have history. It also makes sense because nobody else is really looking like a legitimate challenger to Bryan.
Riley "cashes in" his money in the bank briefcase to face Daniel Bryan. Yes he is still carrying that briefcase around and yes Miz already cashed it in.
This match is ten minutes of brutal warfare.
Riley attempts to hit Bryan with a chair but misses. Bryan does a kick to the back of the head on Riley. Then he locks in the Lebell Lock to make Riley tap out.
CM Punk: "Yes! Yes! Yes! If he wouldn't have been drunk he would have won!"
Winner: Daniel Bryan
My summary will be as quick as the match will invariably be. Although it should be given ten minutes.
Beth Phoenix is so strong that she throws both McCool and Layla through a single table. A single table with her bare hands! She hits the Glamazon on both of them.
Winner: Natalya and Beth Phoenix
After the match we see some friction between Laycool. Hopefully this gets them to shut up.
This has Shawn Michaels vs. Razor Ramon for the Intercontinental Championship back in the day written all over it. In fact, here's part 2, 3, and 4 of the classic ladder match encounter.
Part 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0eYCeA87uA&feature=related
Part 3: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYXVPFE1fU8
Part 4: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=covsCvzN848
Anyway back to the present, John Morrison and Sheamus put on a classic show. But in all fairness, John Morrison is not close to Shawn Michaels. Sheamus is not quite as good as Scott Hall was at the time.
Words cannot describe how epic this match will be. John Morrison will make spectacular jumps off the ladder. Sheamus will throw Morrison off a ladder into the announce table. There will be several near victories. Morrison will appear to have it won until Sheamus comes out of nowhere and hits the Celtic Cross on him from on top of the ladder.
Sheamus will have the upper hand until...
"TIME TO PLAY THE GAME!!!"
Triple H will push him off the ladder into a stray table. Triple H will then come down and beat down on Sheamus with his sledgehammer while John Morrison unhooks the briefcase and the right to face the WWE Champion at the Royal Rumble.
Winner: John Morrison
So much for John Cena taking time off. What should have happened was he actually took time off to do a movie or to heal up. He comes back at some point during the Road to Wrestlemania and challenges Barrett. We have Cena-Barrett at WM 27 with huge buildup and a match worth buying.
That's if Cena did not turn heel. Which in hindsight would have been a bad idea. It should wait for a while.
But WWE does not work that way. The Cena-Barrett feud has gotten fairly old. I would have liked to seen those two at Wrestlemania but their feud has gotten stale. Really stale. Cap it off at Royal Rumble. Please!
This match will be violent. Barrett and Cena will hit each other with chairs. Can you find two more obvious statements?
Historically speaking it will be the 6th consecutive pay-per-view with John Cena being involved with Wade Barrett in some way. However it is the 2nd one on one encounter. It has also been the first pay-per-view Cena has wrestled in since Hell in a Cell.
Of course, the backstage politics "up north" dictate that Cena wins. Barrett has no chance of winning. But Cena does not win cleanly, David Otunga comes from the stands and hits Barrett with a chair to win it for Cena.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, David Otunga, Heath Slater, Justin Gabriel, and a returning Michael Tarver come out and create their own Nexus. It's similar to the nWo Wolfpac except it's still a heel group. This sets up a future feud between Barrett and Otunga.
Given that Morrison wins, it would be obvious Miz retains. But WWE never follows obvious storylines.
All Miz has to do to win is to have Randy Orton go through a table. That's right, a table. Starting out Miz will beat down on Orton. Orton will favor his leg the entire match. Alex Riley also beats down on him to give Miz more and more heat.
Orton RKOs Riley for his troubles and it's straight up one on one.
Note that Orton is facing the announcer's table with a table in between it and the ring. This comes into play later.
Orton regains the upper hand with two short clotheslines and one scoop slam. He does his pound on the floor routine. He RKOs the Miz! The crowd goes nuts! We have a new WWE Champion. Oh wait, you have to put somebody through a table to win.
Michael Cole secretly sets up a table in the ring while Orton RKOs Miz. Cole then runs away. Orton chases him. But it's a trap! Alex Riley recovers from his RKO to push Orton through a table to pick up the victory for the Miz. Of course the referee is escorting Michael Cole out of the ring. So he does not see the cheap win.
"On this day I see clearly Edge becoming the Champion?" That what it seems like. Edge was apart of the stupidest (yes that's a word) segment of all time with the whole kidnapping of Paul Bearer. He wasted a whole box of wings and Pizza just to embarrass Kane's father.
The buildup was all "Kane! Kane!" from Paul Bearer. Edge got the slammy for meltdown of the year. But he should have gotten a slammy for the stupidest kidnapping of the year. It mercifully ended when Kane accidentally pushed Bearer of a ladder.
Rey Mysterio and Alberto Del Rio have bad blood. Blood that runs deep in the heart of Mexico. The chihuahua and el hombre rico were to face off in a chairs match.
But apparently Mysterio was hurt so he was added to a TLC match? Makes sense huh?
Nevertheless I am glad Mysterio and Del Rio are a part of this match. They can add extra dimensions to this match that a singles match can't normally do.
Edge vs. Kane at Survivor Series was not a good match. The ending in particular was horrible.
A fatal four way at TLC should be the main event. All four of these wrestlers are very experienced wrestlers who can take sick bumps. Edge is the master of the going through tables routine. Kane is the master of being evil. Del Rio can smack people with chairs all day long. Rey can hit a 619 with a ladder.
Just imagine the 2001 Summerslam triple threat tag team match between the Hardy Brothers, Edge and Christian, and the Dudleys.
The Ultimate Opportunist finally earns a nice long reign with the World Heavyweight Championship with a spear to Del Rio on a ladder. But life is not that way. Edge is thrown off the ladder by Kane, who easily climbs up the ladder and grabs the belt if it weren't for...
"Gong! Gong! Gong!"
But it's not Taker, it's Edge playing mind games again. Edge pushes Kane off the ladder into a table outside the ring. Edge climbs the ladder and grabs the World Heavyweight Championship.
What did you think of the pay-per-view. Was it worth buying $55 for?