Oh Lord, have mercy on my wretched, discombobulated soul. Why do I do what I do, week in, week out? Once upon ago, I had oysters of mountainous proportions. Then I decided to write for Bleacher Report, and I stare at my anthills and wonder what became of them?
Anthony Armstrong was a bitter disappointment. If it makes you feel any better, I started him in a few of my leagues too, because I just don’t talk the talk. Since I lost the bet* yet again, I’m going to look forward to this weekend’s bashing at yonder Toys-R-Us. I have the local hospital on autodial, so wish me luck.
* "Fantasy Jackpot Week 14: WR Anthony Armstrong Will Strongarm His Competition," Dec. 10, 2010, Bleacher Report
Stat Review—Everybody Sucked
Let’s get started comparing the stats. Actually in comparison, I wasn't too off the mark. Most of the competition did as bad as I predicted, but Anthony went right along with them.
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Larry Fitzgerald 72 yds (Hot Dog! I’m Awesome!)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Santonio Holmes 57 yds (Good Gravy & Grits! Tell a friend!)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Mike Thomas 0 yds (No sarcasm here. I did pretty good.)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Danario Alexander 0 yds (What’s this? Another one?)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Danny Amendola 16 yds (Waitasec....I done did good for....)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Laurent Robinsion 61 yds (Dang it! All poopy again)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Brandon Gibson 67 yds (Let mine poopiness rain from the heavens.)
A. Armstrong 30 yds vs. Bernard Berrian 0 yds (Good Ol' St. Bernard. You still love me.)
In my defense, if you were to calculate the average of all the players competing against Armstrong, their average yardage is 34.125, so I’m only 4.126 yards from beating the average. So there.
*sigh* I guess I’ll keep writing this week, too. I mean, you've heard the theory about the monkey and the dartboard, haven't you?
About Me, Wendell "Papa Smurf" Gaymon
I’m not really a little blue hairless half-naked leprechaun who lives in a decked out mushroom. I’m an average Joe like you, who spends his eight hours of sleep obsessing over this game we call Fantasy Football. You’ll find I’m a bit off-kilter with my picks, but I think that’s how you win best—picking the best players with the best matchups.