College Football Coaches To Tommy Bowden: Cry Me A River
Have you heard the word coming out of Pickens County S.C.? As unbelievable as it sounds, Clemson headcoach Tommy Bowden actually picked up the phone on Tuesday and called Alabama's Nick Saban to ask for advice about how to handle a loss to Nick Saban's Crimson Tide.
No fooling! He made several other calls to coaches and asked for their advice as to how to recover from an early season loss and to give him some advice on what to do to create a more winning attitude.
Is he nuts? Who would tell him anything? The kid gets a job in the first place because he's related to a great coach and now he wants special treatment because he failed to produce once again. We can only imagine some conversations with other coaches:
Mark Mangino, Kansas– "Tommy, what you need to do is start eating more before and after games, you're just too skinny to be a big time coach."
Howard Schnellenberger, Florida Atlantic– "Hello, Coach Howard, you've known my Daddy for a longtime, could you give me some sage advice on how to handle a loss like this to that dadgum Alabama?" " Sure kid, start (hiccup) drinking heavily".
Pete Carroll, Sou Cal– Taking the phone Pete responds, "who is this, Terry Bowden, you want to interview me for ABC"? "No, no, Sir, this is his brother Tommy, I was wondering if you could help me get over this loss to Alabama". Pete replies, "well, son, then I think you need to call your brother Terry about that problem". (Laughter in Tuscaloosa)
Bobby Bowden, Fla. St– "Daddy, can I...?" "Tommy-boy, you got to come home boy, yo' Mama's taken my car keys from me again." "But Daddy." "I can't talk now son, I got to git to mah shuffleboard game, call ol' Joe Paterno."
Joe Paterno, Penn St.– "Coach Paterno, this is Tommy, can you hear me?" "Academics are most important Terry." "No, this is Tommy, I wondered how to get over a loss to Alabama." "Alabama is lost?" "No, no Sir, Alabama is not lost, I lost to Alabama, can you help me?" JoPa exhales, "I've can't help you, I've never been lost in Alabama". "But," "Sorry, sonny, I've got to hang up now, hey, you kids out there, get off my grass!"
Finally, at the end of his rope, Tommy Boy reaches out to one of his oldest rivals, the man known as Darth Visor. "Coach Spurrier, can you give me the benefit of your great experience and help me pick my team up after this loss to Alabama"? The great confident one leans back and remarks, "the best way I know is to go down to the lake, take off your shoes, and walk out on the water". What good will that do Tommy inquired? "Well, if you stay dry you've got nothing to worry about". But, Tommy adds, "what if I get wet"? Spurrier sighs, well, in that case Tommy, get yourself a new contract extension before you play them again."
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