"The last time I checked America was on top in everything...except soccer! And that's because we didn't try!" - Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin's Scranton Regional Manager
With the United States losing the 2022 FIFA World Cup Bid to Qatar, many fans are wondering what direction the United States Soccer Federation is heading to.
Current USSF president Sunil Gulati was given millions of dollars to produce a winning World Cup Bid and despite his effort and vision, the United States still lost.
I am aware that the United States Soccer Federation has a set of bylaws that they follow, but desperate times calls for desperate measures. I propose that the members chuck the bylaws and hire a man who time after time has produced astronomical success as Regional Branch Manager for Sabre's Scranton Division, Dunder Mifflin.
His name is Michael Scott and the United States Soccer Federation needs to hire him. Now that we know that he's leaving Dunder Mifflin in 2011, the time to recruit him is now. Although he's not the most traditional guy out there, he has an honest winning track record that most CEOs would lie about.
Not only does he understand the world and its people, he is the epitome of diversity. Never understood, Michael has given more opportunities to minorities of color and gender than the NFL, NBA and MLB combined. In addition, he would have won us the 2022 World Cup Bid with a clean sweep because he has a way with leaders.
A winner of 17 Dundie Awards, he is a man who eliminates problems by solving them. He overcomes his weakness with his strengths. His loyalty to staff is impeccable as he's would rather go broke betting on his people than become rich all by himself.
While most companies has squandered their investors monies while relocating to another country, Michael Scott has increased profit by 17 percent while reducing expenses without firing a single employee from his branch.
Had Michael Scott been our current USSF president, he would have not accepted losing the 2022 World Cup Bid quietly. He would have gone every officials home a la Michael Moore and demanded an explanation on why they had the audacity to break the hearts of millions of his fellow Americans.
If their answers weren't what he was looking for, he would have formed his own Interplanetary Cup and had the United States Men's National Team face-off against the best in space. Without a shadow of a doubt, Michael Scott would have led the USMNT to victory, which is something Sunil Gulati has been unable to do as USSF president.
By no means am I suggesting that they sack current president Sunil Gulati. He would be a fantastic Assistant to the USSF President, who shows Michael ropes as he transitions into his new position.
Please, for the sake of many crying Americans, I beg that the United States Soccer Federation hires Michael Scott as their new President. He's a man who we have no idea how high he can fly but when he lands, every one of of his detractors have either been fired, been arrested for fraud, or have simply gone crazy.
Much like the Alpha and the Omega, the path towards a World Cup Bid and Championship begins and ends with Michael Scott. That's what she said...
Like the new article format? Send us feedback!