Would You Rather: Past and Present WAGs Edition

Sam WestmorelandFeatured ColumnistNovember 29, 2010

Would You Rather: Past and Present WAGs Edition

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    It's time for the ultimate WAG showdown! We're pitting 20 of the hottest current and former WAGs against one another in pitched combat, to figure out who the hottest of the bunch is. 

    We're doing this March Madness-style, a straight-up, no-holds-barred knockout tournament. We're pitting the WAGs against one another head-to-head. We've got three wild-card slots up for grabs in the quarterfinals, for the lovely ladies we feel could make noise in the later rounds. 

    We've got a lot of ground to cover, so let's get rolling. 

Round 1, Matchup 1: Kim Kardashian, Former WAG

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    Kardashian has been attached to NFL stars Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints, and Miles Austin of the Dallas Cowboys. 

Round 1, Matchup 1: Carrie Underwood, Current WAG

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    Underwood formerly dated Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, and is currently married to Ottawa Senators forward Mike Fisher. 

The Verdict

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    Underwood puts up a good fight, but in the end, she can't hang with Kardashian, who scores one for the former WAGs.

Round 1, Matchup 2: Imogen Thomas, Former WAG

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    Pick an English soccer player; odds are good this brunette bombshell has dated or hooked up with him.

Round 1, Matchup 2: Danielle Lloyd

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    This beautiful ball of crazy is currently married to English footballer Jamie O'Hara, although she's also been linked to Teddy Sheringham, Jermaine Defoe and Darren Bent over the years. She's famous for being a racist. 

The Verdict

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    Thomas brings the kind of thunder Lloyd can't hope to compete with, and she moves on. Plus, she's sane, which is a big boost. 

Round 1, Matchup 3: Marisa Miller, Former WAG

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    Miller's been linked to Dale Earnhardt Jr. over the years, and while their romance was brief, it definitely qualifies her to make this contest. 

Round 1, Matchup 3: Brooklyn Decker, Current WAG

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    Decker is married to tennis star Andy Roddick. I know; it's a shame, but it's enough to put her on the list, so are you really complaining?

The Verdict

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    Decker's got the skill to hang in this one, but she ran into a WAG juggernaut in Miller, who moves on with another win for the former WAGs, who are 3-0 now. 

Round 1, Matchup 4: Cheryl Cole, Former WAG

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    Cole is a recent edition to the former WAG list, having just broken up with longtime husband Ashley Cole. So yes, she's on the market. 

Round 1, Matchup 4: Abigail Clancy, Current WAG

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    Clancy is the girlfriend of gangly English striker Peter Crouch. How he pulled that one off remains a mystery, but at least you get to look at pictures of her on this list, right?

The Verdict

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    Cole's not bringing the high, hard stuff anymore, and she just can't keep up with a young gun like Clancy in this one. Abigail scores the first win for the current WAGs. 

Round 1, Matchup 5: Gemma Atkinson, Former WAG

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    Atkinson has made the rounds of European football, dating stars like Cristiano Ronaldo. Ronaldo puts her amongst a cast of thousands, but the blonde English bombshell is fully capable of distancing herself from the pack. 

Round 1, Matchup 5: Jessica Simpson, Current WAG

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    Remember when Simpson was linked to Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo?

    She's got a new football beau now, in former NFL player Eric Johnson. And no, I don't know who he is either. 

The Verdict

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    Jessica might be making a comeback, but she had no shot against Gemma in this one. 

Round 1, Matchup 6: Kelly Brook, Former WAG

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    Brook's a former rugby WAG, having dated Danny Cipriani from 2008 through June 2010. Frankly, we'd put her in this contest if she'd dated a sailor. 

Round 1, Matchup 6: Elisha Cuthbert, Current WAG

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    Cuthbert, the current girlfriend of Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman Dion Phaneuf, has the sex appeal and star power to make some serious noise in this tournament. 

The Verdict

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    Cuthbert's got clout, but not enough to keep up with the runaway freight train that is Brook right now. 

Round 1, Matchup 7: Eva Longoria, Former WAG

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    Longoria's the most recent addition to the former WAG side, as she filed for divorce from husband Tony Parker just two weeks ago. She brings some big-name firepower to the former WAGs. 

Round 1, Matchup 7: Yolanthe Cabau Van Casbergen, Current WAG

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    Wesley Sneijder's girlfriend is definitely one of the sexiest women on the list, but she's got a tough fight in Longoria. Can she snag the upset? 

The Verdict

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    No. Casbergen gets edged out by Longoria, but expect to see her back as a wild card in the quarterfinals

Round 1, Matchup 8: Halle Berry, Former WAG

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    It's been a while since Berry was married to David Justice, but the movie star still qualifies as a former WAG, making her a tough foe indeed. 

Round 1, Matchup 8: Gisele Bundchen, Current WAG

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    Gisele is still one of the world's hottest models, and her marriage to Tom Brady puts her in one of the most powerful sports couples on the planet. 

The Verdict

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    Berry advances, but expect to see Gisele make a return appearance in the quarterfinals, as a wild card. 

Round 1, Matchup 9: Eva Gonzalez, Former WAG

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    Spanish goalkeeper Iker Casillas' former girlfriend is certainly a fantastic catch. But can she score another victory for the former WAGs?

Round 1, Matchup 9: Hope Dworaczyk, Current WAG

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    Hope certainly makes a formidable opponent, in one of the toughest matchups to call of the first round. Jason Kidd's wife is a Playboy Playmate, and certainly merits a spot in this contest. 

The Verdict

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    Hope's got too much going on for Eva to compete, but expect to see the Spanish bombshell as a wild card. 

Round 1, Matchup 10: Bridget Moynahan, Former WAG

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    Tom Brady's ex-girlfriend still brings the smolder as well as anyone on this list, and she's going to be a tough out. 

Round 1, Matchup 10: Minka Kelly, Current WAG

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    Kelly, the woman who tamed Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter (no easy task, mind you), is a lock for this contest. But can she withstand the onslaught of Moynahan to escape Round 1? 

The Verdict

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    Moynahan faced a stern test in this one, but this brunette weathered the storm to get a well-earned victory to finish out Round 1. 

Round 1 Roundup

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    Here's a rundown of the action from Round 1:

    Kim Kardashian def. Carrie Underwood

    Imogen Thomas def. Danielle Lloyd

    Marisa Miller def. Brooklyn Decker

    Abigail Clancy def. Cheryl Cole

    Gemma Atkinson def. Jessica Simpson

    Kelly Brook def. Elisha Cuthbert

    Eva Longoria def. Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen

    Halle Berry def. Gisele Bundchen

    Hope Dworaczyk def. Eva Gonzalez

    Bridget Moynahan def. Minka Kelly


    Here are the Round 2 matchups, and a list of the wild cards:

    Kim Kardashian vs. Imogen Thomas

    Marisa Miller v. Abigail Clancy

    Gemma Atkinson vs. Kelly Brook

    Eva Longoria vs. Halle Berry

    Hope Dworaczyk vs. Bridget Moynahan



    Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen

    Gisele Bundchen

    Eva Gonzalez

Round 2, Matchup 1: Kim Kardashian, Former WAG

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    Kardashian overwhelmed Carrie Underwood in Round 1, but she faces a stern test in brunette Brit bombshell Imogen Thomas in Round 2. Can the reality TV star keep it up? 

Round 2, Matchup 1: Imogen Thomas, Former WAG

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    Thomas blew past crazy Danielle Lloyd in Round 1, but she gets an equally sexy and much more sane Kim Kardashian in Round 2. Does she have what it takes?


    The Verdict: Thomas squeaks by Kardashian by a hair's breadth. This was a close one, but the Brit had more to offer in the end. 

Round 2, Matchup 2: Marisa Miller, Former WAG

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    Miller proved she's got what it takes with an easy Round 1 win, but can she hold off a hard-charging Abigail Clancy in Round 2?

Round 2, Matchup 2: Abigail Clancy, Current WAG

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    Clancy knows how to bring it in a big way, as we saw when she swept away Cheryl Cole in Round 1. But Miller's a much different, and tougher, animal than Cole. Can Peter Crouch's girlfriend nab a berth in the quarters? 


    The Verdict: No. Clancy keeps it close, but doesn't have the goods to pass Miller. 

Round 2, Matchup 3: Gemma Atkinson, Former WAG

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    Atkinson, the former European football WAG, emerged as one of the frontrunners with her demolition of Jessica Simpson in Round 1. Can she keep the momentum in Round 2?

Round 2, Matchup 3: Kelly Brook, Former WAG

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    But Kelly Brook rolled through Round 1 as well, and proves to be one of the toughest competitors in the tournament. Can the woman many see as the world's sexiest take out Atkinson? 


    The Verdict: No. Brook comes oh-so-close in one of the best matchups of the tournament, but in the end, Atkinson's got too much for her to handle. 

Round 2, Matchup 4: Eva Longoria, Former WAG

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    Longoria squeaked by Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen in Round 1; does she have enough left in the tank to keep going? 

Round 2, Matchup 4: Halle Berry, Former WAG

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    Berry rolled in Round 1, but does the Oscar winner have what it takes to make it to the next round? Longoria poses a serious threat in the sexiness department, one of the few women in the world who can say that. 


    The Verdict: Berry snags another one. When there's an entire rap song about how sexy you are, you deserve to beat out a desperate housewife. 

Round 2, Matchup 5: Hope Dworaczyk, Current WAG

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    Hope poses a serious threat, and is one of the few remaining current WAGs in the contest. Can she score a much-needed victory? 

Round 2, Matchup 5: Bridget Moynahan, Former WAG

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    Moynahan won a nail-biter over Derek Jeter's Minka Kelly, but she faces an even sterner test in Hope Dworaczyk. Can she nab another win to get back at Tom? 


    The Verdict: No. Moynahan can't hang with Hope, who keeps the current WAGs' hope alive. 

Round 2 Roundup

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    Let's recap Round 2's matchups, shall we?


    Imogen Thomas def. Kim Kardashian

    Marisa Miller def. Abigail Clancy

    Gemma Atkinson def. Kelly Brook

    Halle Berry def. Eva Longoria

    Hope Dworaczyk def. Bridget Moynahan

    Here are the matchups for the quarterfinals.

    Imogen Thomas vs. Marisa Miller

    Gemma Atkinson vs. Gisele Bundchen (Wild Card)

    Halle Berry vs. Eva Gonzalez (Wild Card)

    Hope Dworaczyk vs. Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen (Wild Card)

Quarterfinals, Matchup 1: Imogen Thomas, Former WAG

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    This sultry brunette has been rolling through the contest thus far, but gets a reality check in Marisa Miller. Can the Brit bag a win and a berth in the semis? Or will her luck run out?

Quarterfinals, Matchup 1: Marisa Miller, Former WAG

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    Miller continues to knock it out of the park through two rounds, but does the former Sports Illustrated swimsuit cover model have enough to keep it going? 


    The Verdict: It was close, but the blonde Miller sneaks past Thomas, by virtue of her sexy swimsuit shoots. 

Quarterfinals, Matchup 2: Gemma Atkinson, Former WAG

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    Atkinson remains one of the contest's strongest competitors, but she's facing Gisele Bundchen, who's determined not to go home empty-handed. Can the British blonde keep the streak alive? 

Quarterfinals, Matchup 2: Gisele Bundchen, Current WAG, Wild Card

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    Bundchen delivers a serious haymaker in the quarterfinals, right into Atkinson's wheelhouse. But is it enough to keep the beautiful Brazilian from heading home again? 


    The Verdict: No. Bundchen can't quite get there, even with the knee socks in this one. Atkinson moves to the semis. 

Quarterfinals, Matchup 3: Halle Berry, Former WAG

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    Can anyone out-sexy Berry? It's going to be tough, but wild card Eva Gonzalez brings the heat in a big way. Still, Halle's looking awfully good in that orange bikini, don't you think?

Quarterfinals, Matchup 3: Eva Gonzalez, Former WAG, Wild Card

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    Much like Gisele did earlier, Gonzalez delivers a punishing haymaker to Berry with this picture. Can she knock off Catwoman?


    The Verdict: No. Halle's still one of the sexiest women on the planet, and while Gonzalez is beautiful, she's no Halle Berry. 

Quarterfinals, Matchup 4: Hope Dworaczyk, Current WAG

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    Hope has been smoking through two rounds, but can she hold up against upstart wild card Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen? 

Quarterfinals, Matchup 4: Yolanthe Cabau Van Casbergen, Current WAG, Wild Card

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    Like the other wild cards, van Casbergen delivers a huge shot of sexy in this picture. But is it enough to propel her to the top of the tables, and score the upset of Dworaczyk?


    The Verdict: Yes. Van Casbergen brings it in a big way in the quarterfinals, and stuns Hope out of the tournament. 

Quarterfinal Roundup

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    Here's the rundown of the quarterfinal results, for those scoring at home:

    Marisa Miller def. Imogen Thomas

    Gemma Atkinson Def. Gisele Bundchen (WC)

    Halle Berry def. Eva Gonzalez (WC)

    Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen (WC) def. Hope Dworaczyk


    These are your semifinal pairings:

    Marisa Miller vs. Gemma Atkinson

    Halle Berry vs. Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen (WC)

Semifinals, Matchup 1: Marisa Miller, Former WAG

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    Miller has been a knockout champ through three rounds of this tournament. But we're into the heavy hitters, and Gemma Atkinson poses a serious threat to her position at the top of the heap. Can the NFL spokesmodel take another win? 

Semifinals, Matchup 1: Gemma Atkinson, Former WAG

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    It's not going to be easy to out Gemma from this tournament, even for a heavy hitter like Marissa Miller. Does Atkinson have what it takes to survive? 


    The Verdict: No. It was a close, brutal fight, but Miller slips into the finals by the slimmest of margins. 

Semifinals, Matchup 2: Halle Berry, Former WAG

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    Berry's the remaining favorite, and with good reason. It seems like every picture she takes oozes with sexual energy, and the sultry star brings the heat every time out.

    But Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen scored a major upset in the quarters, and is angling for another. Can Halle withstand the onslaught?

Semifinals, Matchup 2: Yolanthe Cabau Van Casbergen, Current WAG, Wild Card

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    And, once again, van Casbergen shows she belongs at this late stage of the game with a stellar picture. She's got a real chance to stage the upset in the semis and take on Marisa Miller in the finals. 


    The Verdict: It's another dog fight to the end, but van Casbergen scores a major upset of the favored Berry, and moves into the finals. 

The Finals: Marisa Miller, Former WAG

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    So, it all comes down to this. Two sexy WAGs enter, one leaves as the champ. Miller's credentials are spotless: She's taken down big names, and has yet to drop a matchup.

    But van Casbergen's been rolling right along as well, and looks poised to steal the whole contest. Can Miller keep her record spotless?

The Finals: Yolanthe Cabau Van Casbergen, Current WAG, Wild Card

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    Can she do it? Can Yolanthe Cabau van Casbergen orchestrate the stunning comeback after the opening-round loss to Eva Longoria? Does she have enough to take out the drop-dead gorgeous Marisa Miller, or will she fall just short? 

The Verdict

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    In the most shocking, unexpected upset of the tournament, Wesley Sneijder's girlfriend stuns heavy favorite (and previously unbeaten) Marisa Miller in the finals to take home the "Would You Rather: Past or Present WAGs" crown.  

    She knocked off some of the biggest names in WAG history, and given the pictures you've seen here, I think you'd agree the title is well deserved.