A Plan For Chad Ocho-Cinco

Jersey

Columnist Written on September 01, 2008

Step 1: The Bengals trade Chad Javon Ocho-Cinco to another team, a team on which there is another player that wears number 85. Preferably, this player is a relative unknown. Not a superstar like David Tyree. No, someone we've never heard of.

Step 2: No matter what C.J.O-C. offers, this unknown player (we'll call him DeBob) will not relinquish his number. The artist formerly known as Johnson can offer his entire salary, but DeBob shan't budge.

Step 3: Fans laugh.

I love it. The only thing more entertaining than Ocho-Cinco's antics is someone pulling the same schtick. The man runs his mouth, jumps into opposing team fan-mobs, races horses, and legally changes his name to his nickname. How amazing would his reaction be if someone did this to him? Oh, how delicious!

Plus, I'd like to see a rash of Ocho-Cincos pop up. Calvin Ocho-Cinco, Randy Ocho-Cinco, and Brad Ocho-Cinco, just to name a few. I'd even allow good old Kenny Jonnson to participate in the name game.

Seriously though, his parents must be so proud of him. Mr. and Mrs. Ocho-Cinco have truly raised a fine young man.

This article is also featured on Imperfect Dynasty

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written on September 01, 2008 Humor

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